Sorry in advance ? about funerals, wakes and toddlers inside...

marryingacoach

My grandma is getting ready to pass away..it really could be any day.  I'm not sure how to handle this with grady. He is at the age where he understands things.  I don't know if I should take him to see her before she passes or not. They live 2 hrs from us.  I also don't know what to do about funeral and wake and everything. I feel pretty sure my parents and grandfather will want him around for funeral and wake but I'm not sure I know how to explain this to him. Any advice. Also, any prayers for my family will be greatly appreciated. We are a pretty tight family so this is really tough on all of us. Thanks ladies.

MrsMcJamie

So sorry you're going through this... I'll leave the advice to those w/ kids, but you're in my thoughts.

WendyNC

Gosh, not sure how to handle it with Grady....big hugs to you though.  I'm sorry you are going through this

BackthePack

I'm so sorry & will definitely keep your family in my prayers.

As far as Grady goes, if you are comfortable with it I would talk to him about how your Grandmother is going to heaven, will be with God, Jesus & the Angels, etc. I'm sure he will bring a lot of happiness to a sad situation, which is probably one of the reasons why your parents & grandfather want him there.

Lots of hugs!!! 

Mrs_M&M

No advice, but definitely keeping you and your family in my T&P.  HUGS!

MrsHughesNC

I'm so sorry to hear that.

SpeedGlenn

I'm so sorry to hear that.  Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

Maybe handle it with answering questions as he asks them?  We've kind of taken that approach with Ben on somethings.  And the other kids in my family too.  We figure if they are old enough to ask the right question, then they are old enough to know.  But we just answer the questions that they ask and don't elaborate more unless we have to.  This way your giving him all the information he needs/wants without it getting too heavy.

I hope that makes a little bit of sense.

toadslove

{{Hugs}}
Im praying for your family.

I dont know if he is old enough to understand the book Nana Upstairs, Nana Downstairs by Tomie dePaola.  Its a book my parents read to me when my Great Grandmother passed...and it was always one of my favorite childhood books growing up. Ive recomended this book to a few other people for their children and have always gotten positive feedback from them.  None were as young as Grady, but I thought I would toss it out there.

Let me know if there is anything I can do if you are back this way and need help with anything (food, help with Grady, anything).

akspriss

I def. second what the others have said in regards to answering the questions as he asks them but explain with as little detail as necessary. and The book toads is talking about is a great idea as well....might help it all make more sense for him. Good luck and you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!!

jenn&tim05

Im so sorry you are going through this. I dont have much advice but Im hoping to get some. We just found out my DH's uncle passed away yesterday so a funeral is also in a our VERY near future.

Hopefully you wont have to deal with it as soon as think, and AT isnt really old enough to understand...he just knows we are sad. Big hugs and prayers your way!

murph04

I don't have any advice, but I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. GL with however you decide to handle the situation with Grady.

jeannaqueena

Just wanted to let you know your grandma and family will be in my thoughts and prayers today. 

surfnsandbride

(((Hugs))) I'm sorry you are going through this.  While we haven't had to worry about this with DS yet, I come from a big family with lots of little ones and we've had to deal with this on several occasions. 

It's really up to you on letting him visit, if anything, I think it would be hardest on you.  I think it's fine to have him at the wake and funeral as well, the innocence of a child can really lighten everyone's spirit and it would probably be nice for your granddad to be distracted by him.  I agree with Speed on answering questions as he ask them, I think that would be easier on both you and Grady. 

Evans

I am so very sorry B.

When my grandmother died, I had these same thoughts. ?K was 17 months, so much younger than G, but we took her to the viewing for a few moments to see the family, etc. ?We didn't let her in the room with the casket, just a side room and she did help keep it light for some.

We did not take her to the actual funeral mass, but did take her to the wake afterwards at my aunt's house and people really enjoyed having her there.

As far as explaining it to him, I really think it depends on your beliefs on things. ?K knows that great-grandma went to live with Jesus and that when we go to live with Jesus it is so great we just don't come back to earth. ?I think keep it simple and answer his questions is all you can do.

lah1177

I am so so sorry Coach. My grandmother passed away about a month ago so I was in your shoes not too long ago. Ashley really was too young to understand what was happening though. The wake and funeral were in New Jersey and she went to both. I did let her see my grandmother's body at the wake and she was fine with it. I took her to the ceremony because I had no one to watch her. And I spoke with the pastor about it and she said she wanted her there and it was a welcome distraction. If there were any people there that did not think she should have been there, they could just get over it. We did take her out half way through b/c she was talking, but after the ceremony, the pastor said there was no need to do that. If Grady understands what is happening, I would definitely explain things to him, like the pp said. Best of luck and many thoughts and prayers for you!