How do you cope w/ pregnancy announcements? — The Bump
Trouble TTC

How do you cope w/ pregnancy announcements?

I should preface this by saying that I am not actively TTC right now, as I'm currently undergoing chemo for breast cancer, but they don't really have a board called "Can't Conceive (and may never be able to) Because of Cancer" so I figured I'd be safe here. 

My younger sister came over w/ BIL and nephew yesterday to celebrate BIL's birthday. She announced that she's pg w/ #2 (and her HCG is through the roof, so doc says twins are a possibility.) I hugged her and told her how happy I was for them and congratulated her (and I honestly was), then continued assembling the appetizer platter I was making. She kept asking several times if I was excited to be an aunt again, and I said yes (I absolutely adore my nephew...he's one of my very favorite people!) The kicker was after she told my mom (who got there late) her comment to us both was that her MIL/FIL had a much more excited reaction to their news.

I was alone in the kitchen and it was like tears just started involuntarily coming. I didn't even recognize that I was bothered by her news until the last comment she made. I finally had to go lock myself in the bathroom, sat on the toilet and just sobbed. I felt absolutely terrible for even feeling that way. Here I am trying to make decisions on whether or not to chop off one or both boobs, and getting monthly Lupron injections in hopes that my ovaries make it out of this mess with a few good eggs left, and my baby sister is upset that I'm not doing somersaults for her. Obviously, my cancer is not her fault. I'm happy for her...really, I am. But I'm also sad for me.

So my question is, how do you ladies cope with that?  

Re: How do you cope w/ pregnancy announcements?

  • I'm not in your situation, but ((HUGS)) to you during this difficult time.
    [IMG][/IMG] [IMG][/IMG]

    My oh my! Carter is now 7yrs old! Cora was welcomed into this world on 08-19-2010 and her brother or sister will be here Feb 2013. I'm not sure if we are ready to be outnumbered!
    Hindsight- "Therapy doesn't cure stupid."
  • You have a PM!
  • I was treated for cervical cancer 2 years ago. I was lucky enough to have a treatment that saved my fertility. However, we've been TTC for over a year now with no luck. We are going to have our first appointment with a fertility specialist at the end of next week.

    That being said, I know exactly how you feel. The number of babies born to friends and family over the last 2 years is overwhelming. In fact, I've been to so many baby showers, I'm now on the Babies R Us mailing list - and we have no children of our own.I just found out Friday that another friend is pregnant.

    It sucks. It absolutely sucks and no one understands! I struggle with this every day. There are times when I am focused on my health and am optimistic about life in general, and there are days when I don't want to get out of bed. Right now, I'm in the "I don't want to get out of bed and I certainly don't want to see pregnant people and new babies" phase. I've asked my gyn for a referral to a therapist. I went through therapy while I was in law school several years back, mainly to keep my sanity while working and going to school. I think it is a great option for anybody struggling with whatever their personal demons are, but after being diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago and struggling with fertility issues, I absolutely have no fear about heading right back.

    You need a safe place where you can let all your worries, fears, and anger out. All of those feelings you had in the kitchen that day are normal, and maybe it is time you find a safe neutral person to let them out on. I wouldn't wait, ask your oncologist for a referral - they will definitely have several people they can send you to.

    In addition, check out the organization Fertile Hope. It is an organization that promotes fertility awareness when treating cancer. They have a number of resources available to cancer patients.

    Know that there are others out there who feel the same way. And keep smiling, even though your heart is have so much more to be thankful for than you might realize right now. 

    Cervical Cancer Survivor since 2007 TTC Since 2008 IUI#1 = BFN IUI#2 = BFN IUI#3 = BFN IUI#4 = BFN IVF #1 = BFN FET #1 = BFN FET #2 = BFN FET #3 = BFN IVF #2 = BFN IVF #3 = BFN FET #4 = BFN FET #5 = BFP!!! 06/10/2011 Miscarriage 06/21/2011 Adoption Application Submitted 09/2011, Personal Documents Submitted 11/18/2011, Home Visit 12/16/2011, Officially Waiting!!! 01/21/2013 MATCHED!!!! 01/24/2013 Baby Boy Born! Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • IMO, though she probably doesn't intend to hurt you, I think your sister is being incredibly insensitive.  I'd forgive her for the insensitivity, but I'd also probably sit her down for a detailed explanation of why your happiness for her, while real, is also mixed with the many other emotions you are having.  If you are expected to share in her joy, she can be expected to share and respect your feelings.  Just my opinion.  GL to you - I'll be holding good thoughts.
    Dori image
    "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."

    Miracle DD born 12.2005
    TTC #2 since Dec 2008 w/ PCOS
    ***P/SAIF Always Welcome***

    Keep it Natural, Baby!
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