NYT Article re: yelling at your kids

Kapalua

https://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/22/fashion/22yell.html?_r=2&pagewanted=1

mlm1128

When I yell at dd, and then calm down and realize i am a lunatic, the first thing I think is "OMG, she must think I don't love her".  It's the thing I feel most guilty about as a mom.

Of course if she would actually listen to me, I wouldn't need to yell.  Last night the child actually took her shoes off and threw them at the back of my head while I waas driving because she didn't want to go out to dinner with grampy. Try NOT to yell at a kid doing that!

AnnapolisLari

I'm trying really hard to cut down on the yelling. Before I got on Zoloft, I screamed at DS pretty often, and I know it wasn't good.

 

Kapalua

mlm1128:

When I yell at dd, and then calm down and realize i am a lunatic, the first thing I think is "OMG, she must think I don't love her".  It's the thing I feel most guilty about as a mom.

Of course if she would actually listen to me, I wouldn't need to yell.  Last night the child actually took her shoes off and threw them at the back of my head while I waas driving because she didn't want to go out to dinner with grampy. Try NOT to yell at a kid doing that!

this EXACTLY.  it's the reason I yell 99.9% of the time!

buffalo_buckeye

It would be interesting to see if the level of stress affects the amount of yelling (I would assume so but maybe not). I know I rarely yelled at ds before I got pregnant. I'm just feeling sick and more stressed now and find myself with a much shorter temper with him. I'm guessing the same thing will happen when a new baby arrives.

xbrooklyngrl

I've also been working on this a lot. Its probably the one thing I really hate about how I handle things. DH reminds me (later) that she's THREE and if I, at 29 can spill sh*t constantly, why can't she? True!

 

gracendantho26

I don't know how to feel about this article. Seems like moms can't do much without some indepth analysis these days. Sure I lose my patience and yell every so often but I actually think it's normal. And yelling is not the new spanking..IMO this lady just had some lame-o "epiphany" and wanted to write an article about it. So we can't yell, spank etc. then everyone wants to get on us for having kids that don't listen. We (me included) need to stop feeling so guilty for every little thing.

xbrooklyngrl

gracendantho26:

I don't know how to feel about this article. Seems like moms can't do much without some indepth analysis these days. Sure I lose my patience and yell every so often but I actually think it's normal. And yelling is not the new spanking..IMO this lady just had some lame-o "epiphany" and wanted to write an article about it. So we can't yell, spank etc. then everyone wants to get on us for having kids that don't listen. We (me included) need to stop feeling so guilty for every little thing.

true!

But when I see the look on her face after I yell, that tells me maybe I could've done something different?

But I also agree, what the hell can we do?

becoming_untied

This article doesn't do much for me.  Yeah, yelling is not good.  It can have lasting effects.  duh.

Guess what, life can be stressful and yelling happens.  You try to do the best you can, prepare for things and avoid things to reduce any stress you can so you don't yell.  Sometimes it is going to happen anyway.  Keep yourself in check, apologize when you screw up, keep trying to model good behavior and save money for a therapy fund!  (Mostly joking on that last one.)

Halo79RN

gracendantho26:

I don't know how to feel about this article. Seems like moms can't do much without some indepth analysis these days. Sure I lose my patience and yell every so often but I actually think it's normal. And yelling is not the new spanking..IMO this lady just had some lame-o "epiphany" and wanted to write an article about it. So we can't yell, spank etc. then everyone wants to get on us for having kids that don't listen. We (me included) need to stop feeling so guilty for every little thing.

 

I agree. 

 

the article also said it's not raising the voice but the angry or ridiculing tone that can be destructive.  That I do understand.  I raise my voice at times and don't feel bad one bit.. got a point across... but there are times I lose it and get angry and I'm not showing my dd how to control or to vent anger  and I do make her feel sad ... then I feel bad.   I think that's more what it's getting at. 

 

but I agree... we analyze every little thing and then it leaves parents feeling like they need a degree in child psych in order to be a parent.