Trying to Get Pregnant

Better parents than others

Do you think that people who struggled to get pregnant are better parents than those with unplanned pregnancies? I've been thinking how much I'm going to love my child once is here. I've waited so long for this moment that I'm 100% sure I'll try to be the best mother I can ever be. So it got me wondering, if I would feel the same way had I gotten pregnant by accident or with no problems. What are your thoughts?

Re: Better parents than others

  • Are you fecking kidding me????

    DS was not planned and I'm a damn good mother.

  • I think that some people are just better parents than others because they either had better parents or choose to be better parents than theirs were. I don't think it has anything to do with weather or not you get pregnant by accident, on your first try or with help.
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  • I know plenty of good parents that got pregnant by accident.
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  • imageMrs.Johns:
    I think that some people are just better parents than others because they either had better parents or choose to be better parents than theirs were. I don't think it has anything to do with weather or not you get pregnant by accident, on your first try or with help.

    This. You are or your aren't a good parent.* It shouldn't change just because your planned a prenangcy or not.

    ETA:

    TTC #2 since Sept '16
    My Chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/28017b
    TTC #1- 3 failed rounds of Clomid/ Surprise Natural BFP w/weight loss- 9/22/11 DD 5/12
    DX. Dec '09 w/ Inappropriate LH Secretion Syndrom/PCOS/ Anov 28 months
    (Former username: xxbblueangelxx)
  • imageDaniSev:

    Are you fecking kidding me????

    DS was not planned and I'm a damn good mother.

    I'm not trying to offend you or directing my post to you. I know a bunch of parents who had unplanned pregnancies and are amazing parents. I also know plenty who should have never procreated and I wonder if they would have act the way they act had they struggle to conceive.

    I'm sorry if I offended you.

  • Yeah, DS was totally unplanned for us and I love him more than I have ever loved anything.  I know I will love my next child equally, but not any more or less because it was planned.  I also know that as a parent, you have good days and bad, that doesn't change based on the circumstances around your child's conception.  We are all doing the best we can and I know people with planned children who definitely rank pretty low on the parenting scale...Just sayin'...
  • I think that you are a better parent based on your upbringing and beliefs, not necessarily if it was an accident or planned.  BTW, we didn't exactly plan this pregnancy, though we were planning on trying soon anyway.
  • That makes no sense.  I was ready to be the best parent I could be at the precise moment we decided to TTC.  The number of cycles it's taken is just roll of the dice.  How can you correlate good parenting or loving your child with chance?  Ridic.
    BFP July 11, 2009 ~ C/P July 15, 2009
    BFP 11/25/2009 ~ Blighted Ovum Discovered 12/10/2009 ~ Natural M/C 12/24/2009
    BFP 3/29/2010 ~ EDD 11/25/2010

    Sawyer Marshall ~ November 16, 2010
  • imagemeycitaa:
    imageDaniSev:

    Are you fecking kidding me????

    DS was not planned and I'm a damn good mother.

    I'm not trying to offend you or directing my post to you. I know a bunch of parents who had unplanned pregnancies and are amazing parents. I also know plenty who should have never procreated and I wonder if they would have act the way they act had they struggle to conceive.

    I'm sorry if I offended you.

    I did not feel it was directed at me personally, but as a mother of an unplanned child, it was a bit offensive. No worries.

  • Absolutely not, and while I do not think that was your intention, I see this your statement causing some upset people.

    I truly believe that parents are who they are because of the person that they choose to be whether it be their own childhood, parents or family background, or the life lessons that have made them who they are today. I think if you have struggled with fertility, you may have learned more patience, or appreciation for people, but that's not to say that you couldn't or wouldn't learn that from other life challenges or that it influences your parenting. 

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  • Nope.. I didnt plan either of my DDs and I am a very good mother... Yes

  • You're either a good parent or a bad parent. You can learn to be a better parent. But no struggle to conceive or unplanned pregnancy will determine the kind of parent you will ultimately be.

    And no, I don't believe people love their oops baby less than I will love my planned one. 

  • My bff had her DS and he was not planned. She wasn't even ready to take on that role at that time in her life. But she is a damn good mother ... probably the best mother I've ever been around.

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  • imagelyse2143:

    Absolutely not, and while I do not think that was your intention, I see this your statement causing some upset people.

    I truly believe that parents are who they are because of the person that they choose to be whether it be their own childhood, parents or family background, or the life lessons that have made them who they are today. I think if you have struggled with fertility, you may have learned more patience, or appreciation for people, but that's not to say that you couldn't or wouldn't learn that from other life challenges or that it influences your parenting. 

    well said Lyse...

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  • Not always. People who take longer to get KU may be more appreciative to get a +hpt. But in the end I think people love their kids. I don't think unplanned children are usually less loved. There are people who may take forever to get KU and have thier kid and realize it's not all they thought it was.

    It all depends on the individual.

    And really, who cares if they are planned or not.

  • I don't see it having anything to do with how long it took to get pregnant. I think everyone has a different style and they just parent differently.
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  • I didn't post this to upset anybody, and I agree that your parenting skills are a reflection of how you were raised. The reason of my post was because I know someone who treats her children really poorly and none of her pregnancies were planned. I feel like she doesn't appreciate her children and she resents them. Again I'm sorry for whoever got offended or upset.
  • I do think that taking longer to get pregnant could potentially help someone deal with the negative side of pregnancy better than an unplanned pregnancy. I know that I will be a lot more understanding in dealing with MS, bloat, tiredness when I finally get KU than I would have been if I got KU in the first month.

    However, I don't think wanting something really bad makes you better at it - apart from being a parent I really would love to be a great singer (doesn't change the fact that I can't hold a tune to save my life)

     

  • imagemeycitaa:
    I didn't post this to upset anybody, and I agree that your parenting skills are a reflection of how you were raised. The reason of my post was because I know someone who treats her children really poorly and none of her pregnancies were planned. I feel like she doesn't appreciate her children and she resents them. Again I'm sorry for whoever got offended or upset.

    That is really hard to see and I can understand your frustration with the situation. It would make me upset too.

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  • The difficulty I am having getting pregnant makes me worry that I am going to be overprotective when I do have a child.  I really hope not, it's not my natural tendency. 

    I could see having trouble making you a better parent - I can really reflect on how much I want this and it has strengthened my relationship with my husband, both things that I think will improve my parenting.  But I don't think it precludes anyone who didn't struggle from being a good parent (I don't think you think this either, just putting it out there).

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  • imageBlondiePhD:

    I do think that taking longer to get pregnant could potentially help someone deal with the negative side of pregnancy better than an unplanned pregnancy. I know that I will be a lot more understanding in dealing with MS, bloat, tiredness when I finally get KU than I would have been if I got KU in the first month.

    However, I don't think wanting something really bad makes you better at it - apart from being a parent I really would love to be a great singer (doesn't change the fact that I can't hold a tune to save my life)

     

    This is exactly how I feel. I'll be more tolerant of PG symptoms, but  I dont think it affects my parenting skills

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