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Preemies
Feeling Weird about my new Pregnancy
I have none of the excitement and joy for this pregnancy that I felt when I was preggo with DD. I am so afraid something bad will happen with this pregnancy, like it did with my last one. I still don't know what I will do if we have a long stay in the NICU.
I had similar feelings when DD was born. I was so afraid that she was going to die, that I refused to admit my love for her. It took almost a week for me to allow myself to love her. I feel like if I get excited about this new baby that the same thing will happen, but if I get attatched that it will be even harder if something happens. I just feel numb. I know I love the baby, but I want to feel joy and happiness and I just can't. This baby just makes me feel sad and scared. What kind of mother feels this way towards a baby that hasn't even been born?
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Re: Feeling Weird about my new Pregnancy
I am not in your shoes but I have to say this in regards to the part of your post above..
answer: a mother who already LOVES her new baby, a mom who doesn't want her baby to suffer or hurt, a preemie mom who had been there and done that.
The fear of the unknown is the largest fear known to most people. IMO you are nomal. I am just thinking about TTC in a year or so and I have the same thoughts. Please don't beat yourself up about how you feel, GL
I think it totally understand able to be scared. Especially since it has not been long since you had you LO. Try not to beat yourself up. Think about how wonderful everyday is and how great its going to feel to have a full term baby and a new brother or sister for your LO now
I really like how nasmith put it but I can definitely say I relate! When DS was unexpectedly swept away from me in his first minutes of life, it seemed like none of it was real and I felt so detached from everything, including my new son. Even after he came home I did not feel like I had the bond I was supposed to with him and that it took time. I of course loved him but our relationship was so different and I felt so removed from his life the first few weeks. I feel none of that towards him now and am very attached to him but it took a little time.
I do feel different with this pg. Not that I was not thrilled beyond belief to find out we were expecting since we cannot conceive on our own and this took planning. It is just that I have mentally prepared myself that this baby could begin life in the nicu as well. That is not what I want or pray for but I feel like I need to be ready for it if it happens. I love this baby and hope it comes home with me but I know I am more detached from it than I was with Ryan bc I understand he or she may not start off life at home with us. (Although if that is the case, we are finished having babies.)
ditto this! (hugs)
I could have written this exactly. The night after she was born I sobbed to DH that I didn't want to go see her b/c I was afraid to fall in love with her and then lose her. Now, of course, she is the light of my life.
I'm also having trouble connecting with this pregnancy because I'm so scared of how it's going to go. But, like with DD, I know it will happen...for both of us.
((hugs))
I only lurk on this site, because my doctors don't think I'll make it beyond 32-34 weeks, so I haven't been in your shoes. But I can say as a mom to be who has miscarried, that even though I struggled to get pregnant for 3.5 years and even though its a miracle that I am pregnant at all, I feel the same way. My best friend is pregnant and is so excited and I just don't feel that same excitement, I feel like a bad mom already, but its out of fear of what could happen and anger at myself for not having a body that is good enough for my baby. I totally understand how you are feeling. Don't beat yourself up for your feelings.