Do YOU want sexy time and DH doesn't!?

missa8182

I'm going a little nuts here as my usually non-existant hormones are making ME the one who wants, ahem, sexy time a LOT now and my fiancee couldn't possibly be less interested. After I started pouting the other night that I thought it was because of the extra weight, he finally broke down and confessed the real reasons he doesn't feel into it is that a) he's paranoid about hurting the baby (despite many reassurances from my OB and our families this isn't likely), and b) he said he feels "weird doing that to me." I asked him why, and basically he seems to have this complex that now that I'm going to be the mother of his child, he feels awkward doing such "dirty" things to me. He laughed and said he honestly feels like he's violating me and shouldn't be doing such things to his pregnant fiancee.

Should we just head to therapy ASAP or what? Has anyone else had this happen?

ABColeslaw

You don't need to head off to therapy!  A lot of men feel that way while thier partners are pregnant.  I know my brother in law did.  I don't have a lot of advice, I know my sister and brother in law just didn't have sexy time until after the baby was born and she was healed up.  I would gasp, um recommend a good "toy".  I'm a believer that every woman should have one anyway.  Its worth a try. 

TCTF

Well I'm in the same boat. Only, I've always wanted sex more than DH, but now its almost unbearable! My normally high sex drive, has gone out the roof, but DH's low sex drive is now almost not even there! He too is worried about hurting the baby, and being too rough with me. I keep telling him that the baby will be fine, but he just can't get over it. I kinda broke down crying the other day and said that I don't want to just "be a mom" and that I'm still a woman, who has LOTS of needs, but he still can't get over it. He swears up one side and down the other that its not because I look completely different, and that its not because he isn't still attracted to me, but I still can't help but feel like that's part of it.

 You know what I started doing today? I sent him a ton of dirty texts while he's a work. It got him going, because that's something that I never really did before, but I don't know yet if it'll help once he's at home. You could try it. Crying didn't help me any, which stunk, because whenever I want anything else all I have to do is pout and he goes running :-p

km014a

Same boat!!!! I feel like im some sort of pervert now like im molesting him lol jk but talk about a role reversal!! But then again it must freak them out to see our bodies go through these changes and like your said he sees you in a new light right now which is sweet but super frustrating for us horny mamas!! lol

lvmomjbj

That's funny because my DH now complains that before I got pregnant I whined and whined about how that was all he wanted to do and now that i'm pregnant with his little girl he cant even think about wanting to do it. I gave him the same reasons you did, weight gain..etc and he pretty much gave me the same answers your fiancee did. I think it's a protective thing.

TCTF

Well it may be noble of DH to be so worried about hurting the baby, but it still sucks :-p I even suggested just fooling around, but he even said no to that bc "You know how we get when things get going, we can't take that chance! What if you fall off the bed?? What if I accidently squish him?? What if your on your back for too long, and something happens, and the baby gets hurt, but we don't know it! What if I feel him move?? I can't have our son know what we're doing!" You know, because I can't feel him move while we're doing "things"

Mrs.Keith2B

You're not alone. My DH says sex is "weird" now that my bump gets in the way. He feels like he's hurting me or LO no matter how much I assure him that he's not.

We still do other stuff, but I want the real thing!

*sigh* It's going to be a long 12 more weeks....and then some.

adcffaa

My fiance was like this for a long while. We'd talked about it a million times over and he said the same thing, that he feels weird because in his mind he thinks he's poking the baby in the head or something. Then I brought up a little picture on the comupter to show that there is no way he's even close to poking the baby. We still had issues for a while and actually started talking about it while at the OB's office waiting to be seen. I told him if he didn't believe me or had any questions to go ahead and ask the doctor while we're in there. So, at the end of the visit, the doc asks if I ahve any questions and I said "Sex is safe during pregnancy right? As long as neither partner has an STD and we still feel comfortable, its fine unless you say otherwise, right?" and he of course said yes. Figuring that would be good enough for my fiance we started to wrap things up and just before we leave he (my fiance) says "Excuse me, doctor, is it OK if I come inside her when we have sex?" I tried really hard not to laugh, but was also curious so I waited for the doc to answer. He said it was totally fine as long as neither partner has an STD but just know that some spotting may occur afterward and not to be alarmed. So, it turns out, he did originally have those fears but when I explained everything was fine, he was too. He just wanted to get it cleared by the doc for him to be allowed to finish inside me.

MrsHub

km014a:

Same boat!!!! I feel like im some sort of pervert now like im molesting him lol jk but talk about a role reversal!! But then again it must freak them out to see our bodies go through these changes and like your said he sees you in a new light right now which is sweet but super frustrating for us horny mamas!! lol

EXACTLY!

LisasBeads

Thankfully my DH does not think he is going to hurt the baby.  However since I got the OK from my Dr (I was on pelvic & bed rest) and even confirmed that I am good to have the Big O, I have totally been the one that wants in 3-4 times a day while DH is happy with every other day.   This is completely different from pre-pregnancy. 

I used to joke with DH saying I would withhold sex!  Today the bugger said it to me!  He was joking of course but I couldn't believe he said it to me. 

I hope your fiance comes around (no pun intended lol)