When your LO grows up...
First off, I am SO EXCITED for this board. Sometimes I feel so left out on the others when people are talking about their DH!
?Long story short, my husband and I are going through a divorce and he lives in another state. He really doesn't make any effort to see or talk to LO, he doesn't even call and ask about her. He has some issues, and honestly I know him well enough to know he doesn't call because he's afraid and doesn't know what to say. He wants to stay together but he is incapable of doing the work that it takes so I really had no choice but to go. He doesn't really understand what it means to be a husband or father and due to his issues, I don't know if he ever will.
I hope LO forgives me and understands why I think this is what was best for her but I am so afraid. I love her more than life itself. Of course, my first choice is for her to have her Dad but not if he can't be to her what he is supposed to be. Never imagined I would be doing this on my own but here we are, and she is still the best thing since sliced bread despite the challenge. I grew up with 2 VERY loving parents and have no idea what it's like to have a single or remarried parent.
?Do you worry that when your LO is older they will be harmed or have resentful or angry feelings about the choices you made in their best interest??
Re: When your LO grows up...
No I'm not really worried. I'm hoping DD will understand I did whats best for her.
I think it is a rational worry, but not one that you can do much about. As a gay woman who may be trying to get pregnant on her own this summer, I have some similar sorts of concerns about not being able to give my child a simpler life.
Most kids resent their parents for SOMETHING. You can worry that it will be that you were single, but the thing that keeps them up at night might be that you wore purple socks, or never taught them to be good with money, or that you were SUCH A WORRIER. Take things as they come. Worrying about it ahead of time won't make it less likely to happen.
Imagine that you worry about it, and knowing that you purposely tell them again and again that 'I did it because it was best for you'. You are telling them that to make it clear that you love them, but what they may hear could be, 'I gave up my life for you' or 'I always put you first'. There is no predicting, so take it as it comes and roll with it.
http://oi62.tinypic.com/2w73hq9.jpg
I grew up in a two parent household so it's all I know and of course it's what I wanted for my kids. Divorce and single parenting are both things that I'm so unfamiliar with and I worry about the ramifications for my children.
Both of my kids will grow up in therapy due to our particular situation and it's been a huge help. I hope one day they'll realize I did what I could to protect them and give them a good life. I think that's all you can really hope for.