Who pays for a wedding shower?

melmax

My sis is getting married in April, I am the MOH.   My Mom and I were going to have a small-ish shower for her in NYC for her friends (about 15-20 people) and my Gram will have another bigger shower for her in RI for all the rest of the fam.  Now, all of a sudden (b/c my grandmother told my mom this) my mom is saying, the bridesmaids are REALLY supposed to be throwing a shower and not really her.  While that may be correct etiquette-wise, I find myself really irritated that now my mom thinks she doesn't have to help (financially anyway) with the shower. I mean, she's still the mother of the bride.  I can't imagine not throwing my 2 daughters a shower one day (or at least helping!) when they get engaged.

EliseB0323

Whoever hosts the shower is supposed to pay for it, but family members aren't supposed to host, according to traditional etiquette. Bridesmaids, other friends, family friends usually host the shower.

amiamish

My MOH did my shower and covered the cost-never asked my Mom to pay. Parents of the bride cover the WEDDING, not the showers.

I think you (as MOH) should cover the shower, but you only have to do one.

karen6784

My sister just got married.  All the bridesmaids hosted and paid for her shower.  My Mother bought the cake ($30).  My Dad paid for 1/2 of the chocolate fountain we rented ($125). 

Our situation was a little different.  My Mom isn't into parties and showers.  My Dad is more our "primary" parent and wanted to help out.  Is there a way that your Mom could contribute something other than cash?  (food, invites)

buffalo_buckeye

The showers I have cohosted were for my SIL's. I shared the cost with the other host. My mom always "helped" with things lke bringing a dish or two and maybe getting the flowers ect. Nothing huge but she would help a bit. I don't think it should be expected, just depends on the parents.

melmax

I forgot to mention that my mom is not helping out in any way financially with the wedding. My dad is giving a large chunk (they are divorced) as well as the grooms parents,  which is why I hoped she wouldn't mind pitching in.

jessicaclare

Traditionally, the mother of the bride shouldn't host. However, if she's already offered, I think its sort of crappy for her to back out and put the entire planning and cost on you.

I've never really been to a bridal shower where the MOB didn't at least help with something, even if she wasn't listed as a hostess. 

dnagal

The host(s) pay.  If your mom is hosting she should contribute. 

The old "family shouldn't host" thing doesn't hold water any more.  Who are the guests?  The bride's "gang" from college?  than a bridesmaid afiliated with this group should host and pay.  If it's all family?  Then "hosting" family members should pay.  If it's a mix, the bridal party with the brides family chipping in.

We're talking about decency here, if your mom wants to stick you with the bill but she'll be acting as a host, then she's being kind of stinky.  If she refuses, then as the "ONLY" host, you then have the only say in the overall expense/location/"extras" of the event. 

And, being from NYC myself, I know that the cost is going to be significant, no matter where you host it.

 

 

joseysbride

Whoever hosts the shower pays.  I think it is typically the moh and bridesmaids who throw the shower, but family often does, too.

If your mother doesn't want to host, then she shouldn't be expected to pay.  Can't you have the other bm's help you with it?

GrowingFamily

amiamish:

My MOH did my shower and covered the cost-never asked my Mom to pay. Parents of the bride cover the WEDDING, not the showers.

I think you (as MOH) should cover the shower, but you only have to do one.

This.  It's up to the MOH & bridesmaids.