Doula or mom in L&D?

KaliBali04

Just talked w/the hospital I'm delivering at, and they said only 2 people are allowed in the room.  DH and I would like to get a doula, but I'm torn because I'm thinking I might want my mom in the room.  Any insight for me??

rhannan

Depends on the relationships with you, DH and your mom. Will she allow this to be a special moment for you and DH and enjoy being a part of it or will she cause friction?  Choose whomever you think will keep you calmer, your mom or a doula.  There seems to be people who advocate for both. All that will be there for us is just me and DH.

If I had my controlling mom in L&D with me I'd have to be knocked out! No way for me!

bonnin507

Are you going for a natural birth?  If so did your mom have a natural birth(s)?  I'm thinking your mom might be very helpful as well if she's been through it, plus it's your mommy which always makes me feel better.  I've been considering having my mom in the room as well, but I have a feeling DH will just want it to be us. I guess your mom also needs to have the right kind of personality, someone who stays calm & you think is up to the task of helping you through the birth, natural or epi.   

IrishBrideND

Doula. I love my mom and we are very close, but I would find it creepy if she was in there was us.

beckerella

I'm having my mum as a doula in L&D. She had 3 home births with midwives and has assisted at several births so I feel like I get the best of both world... DH and I will ask for some alone time after LO arrives though.

fellesferie

My mom was with me the first time, and I'm planning for her to be there the second time. She's a nurse practitioner, but I'm not sure how much that would ultimately affect my decision.

I wanted someone there who had done it before and would advocate for me, since DH will be doing a lot of the handholding and whatever. 

You should just go with whatever you think will be the most comfortable/helpful for you. 

seniah_05

Totally my mom.  I would enjoy having her there - she's calm, funny, and a great support in anything and everyhing. 

DH wants her there big time (he's nervous about the process and worries that he may become ill or faint and wants mom at the ready should he hit the floor and someone need to step in and coach me). 

Timeg

I had my mom and DH in the room and would not want it any other way. It helped having both of their support through the pushing part, although I didn't like that the rest of the family kept calling her during that three hour period!

I guess it depends on how close you are to your mom and how important it is that she be there. It was VERY important to me as we are very close and I knew she would support me through it all.

KristenBtobe

If you're going to try for unmedicated I might lean towards the doula. I wanted to give it a go but when the time came my husband, god love him, just was too worried to take the reigns and coach me through the breathing like I needed.

We could have as many as we wanted in the room so it was my husband, my mom, his mom, and his sister all of whom I'm very close with. It was great to have all that support. I don't know what we'll do this time, it might just be the two of us.

KristinKD

Our hospital has the same rule about only two people being allowed in the room. I had DH and my mom with me, and will again for this pregnancy.

If you are close with your mom and think she'll be a good support, I'd say go with your mom. My mom said that being in the room with us meant more to her than we would ever know. However, if you're planning on a natural birth, you might want the support of a doula instead.

mrswags05

I think it's a personal decision.  I had a doula for my first delivery and she was really helpful; we'll have a doula again this time.  But my mom had planned to be there too and wasn't able to get there in time - otherwise, they both would have been present.

If you didn't already discuss a doula with your hospital or doctor, you might specifically ask them if doulas are counted as one of the two people who can be with you.  At my hospital, doulas are considered "professional labor support" and are not counted in the two person limit. 

nattyncbride

This is tough; I don't know our hospital policy, so this could be something for me to consider as well.  I, like you, wanted all 3 present.  If I had to chose, I would go with doula b/c I really want a natural birth, and I think a trained person in that area would help more than my mom's moral support.  Like everyone else said, personal decision, but that's how I would do it.  Good luck, and thanks for bringing this up!

MrsRebecca

Unless your mom is also a doula or will be going through childbirth class with you, the doula is going to be more beneficial to you.

That being said, I just totally do not get the desire for anyone other than DH and medical professionals being in the delivery room. 

Mrs.tlcS

Check your hospital's policy (call and have it clarified).  My doula does not count as a "visitor."  In other words, at my hospital, and my understanding is that many hospitals have similar policies - I can have my doula (who is considered an allied health professional), and two support partners.