I've relinquished all parental freedoms...

vixyash

Ever since Savannah was born, I've felt at the mercy of her nurses and doctors. Obviously there's a new parent naivety, but I feel like the preemie parent naivety has pushed me over the edge. I don't feel like I can make any decisions for my child anymore.

Any decisions - whether it be on sleeping, eating, pooping, playtime - seem far too important to make myself. I find myself e-mailing or calling her pedi to make sure it's ok. And if my husband and I discuss making changes to any routine, our next thought is "Oh, we'd better check with the pedi to see if that's ok before we change anything."

I want to be the best parent to my little girl, but I can't help feeling incredibly under qualified to do anything but hold her and love her. Outside of that I feel like I have to get approval.

Anyone else feel this way? 

ijack

I think there just comes a time when you have to go for it and make decisions on your own. Obviously not something that could directly affect her health, but you'll never feel confident enough to make the big decisions if you don't start small. Maybe next time something small comes up just give it a try "your way" and see what happens You're her mom, you won't do anything to hurt her! 

lstaylor73

ijack:

I think there just comes a time when you have to go for it and make decisions on your own. Obviously not something that could directly affect her health, but you'll never feel confident enough to make the big decisions if you don't start small. Maybe next time something small comes up just give it a try "your way" and see what happens You're her mom, you won't do anything to hurt her! 

 Ditto, at some point you get so sick of the worry that you just throw it all behind you and you say "It's time to live like a regular family doing regular things. And in a regular family I'm the Mom and my word is law, and damn it, we're going to do it my way and see what happens."  I often have days even now where I feel paralyzed with fear and anxiety, but then I see everyone else just winging it and think other people have survived this and we can too.  Just take your time, go with your instinct.  You won't be wrong, and you'll do everything to care for your baby better than any pedi or nurse.

franciscaz

Aww you poor thing.  I will admit, even being a seasoned mom that when I took our cupcakes home I was terrified.  Everything was a big deal and I was scared to just do my thing.  Than I realized something: they wouldn't have released them if it wasn't okay.  They gave us things to watch for and told us at discharge that unless they hit one of those things we are to be watching for than we shouldn't worry.  I keep telling myself that and keep going forward with everything as if it were normal.  That really is all you can do.  You can't live in fear, you miss out on too much.

KLyn

i know exactly how you feel.  I remember being terrified when i brought the boys home.  I remember one particularly bad night, the boys were incredibly congested and couldn't sleep and at 2am i was saying i'd just make it through the night and call the pedi in the morning.  Then, like a bolt of lightning, it hit me - I am their mom and I CAN make this better.  I gave them saline drops in the nose and suctioned them out.  I was so proud of myself you would have thought I just performed brain surgery.

 My point is that, as scary as it is, you have to take the reigns and have confidence in your ability as a mom.  The instincts are there, you just have to listen to them!  good luck!