ADOPTION?!?! vent

mel1987

SO got mad at me today and told me that we should give Jackson up for adoption, and that he doesn't want to be with me. TEN MINUTES LATER.. after I convince him to stay and talk to me... He loves me again and wants to make everything work.

I'm don't even know what to think anymore. How could he say that, if he doesn't want to be with me, that's one thing. But how could he say we should give him up? wwyd?

JLS0320

Wow, he sounds like a winner. I would leave before LO was old enough to understand what his loving father was saying

GreenEyedBri

That's an awful thing to say!!  I would kick him out, LO is better off without a dad like that who would say such things, speaking from experience.

SoonToBeTabor

I suggest counseling.

Its really not okay for him to be speaking to you like that. You dont really want to spend your life with a man you just had to convince to stay, do you? He needs to know that its not okay to say things like that when he's mad.

Also..I would glue his butt cheeks together while he's alseep

But thats just me 

mrsdc701

Yea, I would leave. I can kinda understand that kind of talk during pregnancy since men don't usually bond until the baby is actually here, but now that LO is here he should step up or leave. Staying and causing so much drama and heartache will just make raising your LO harder.

SoonToBeTabor

Im surprised how many people are saying to just leave. Its typically more complicated then that ladies!

Although, if you did leave we would all be here for you

mfransdell

He's spent 2 months with his child and wants to 'give him up' because he's angry with you? Wow, Im at a loss for words really. I think it's time for you and your adorable little Jackson to move on!. Seriously, could you imagine YOUR dad saying those things to you?

mel1987

I know I should leave but... I don't want to be alone. to be 100% honest. I live with my parents, and he has an apartment and roomie, and in march I was going to move in. Already I feel pathetic for living at home with my baby. I want to get married, live together and have a happy family. The realization that that isn't going to happen is killing me. (we were engaged for 3 months, then he took the ring back, while I was pregnant.) I know I should end it, it's just soooo hard.

mfransdell

mel1987:

I know I should leave but... I don't want to be alone. to be 100% honest. I live with my parents, and he has an apartment and roomie, and in march I was going to move in. Already I feel pathetic for living at home with my baby. I want to get married, live together and have a happy family. The realization that that isn't going to happen is killing me. (we were engaged for 3 months, then he took the ring back, while I was pregnant.) I know I should end it, it's just soooo hard.

In the long run you will see, and be happy, that you chose the hard road rather then the easy way out..for your son. You have your whole life ahead of you and your sons whole life ahead of him. Dont waste it on a dumb fantasy, make your lives worthwhile.

ttmccoot

mel1987:

I know I should leave but... I don't want to be alone. to be 100% honest. I live with my parents, and he has an apartment and roomie, and in march I was going to move in. Already I feel pathetic for living at home with my baby. I want to get married, live together and have a happy family. The realization that that isn't going to happen is killing me. (we were engaged for 3 months, then he took the ring back, while I was pregnant.) I know I should end it, it's just soooo hard.

sweetie, i don't want to be harsh, but it's not just about you anymore. everyone wants a perfect happy family, but sometimes we need to do what's best for us--certainly not what's easiest-- to make it happy in the long run. this guy is not stable and being with him is not better than being alone.

good luck-- i'll be thinking of you!

mel1987

I KNOW it's not about me anymore. It really is easier said than done tho. Because if we could make this work then that would be great for my son. Today did really make me realize that I need to do things to get myself financially able. I don't want to rely on him, or my family. I need to make this work by myself.

mfransdell

mel1987:

I KNOW it's not about me anymore. It really is easier said than done tho. Because if we could make this work then that would be great for my son. Today did really make me realize that I need to do things to get myself financially able. I don't want to rely on him, or my family. I need to make this work by myself.

Exactlty the right mindset to have. !

ttmccoot

mel1987:

I KNOW it's not about me anymore. It really is easier said than done tho. Because if we could make this work then that would be great for my son. Today did really make me realize that I need to do things to get myself financially able. I don't want to rely on him, or my family. I need to make this work by myself.

believe me, i know it's easier said than done. yes, start getting your finances in order, but don't hesitate to accept help if someone (beside the BF) offers it, because it won't happen overnight.

again, good luck.

mel1987

Thanks for the advice ladies! I really appreciate it, even though sometimes I don't wanna hear it, I need to.

BeeLove

Forcing a family on a man who isn't interested is only destined to end in lots of UNHAPPINESS.  Face that reality now...if he isn't ready and says these things, moving in with him and hping for a happy go lucky family is just a dream...not reality.

Living with your parents, getting your footing and doing what's best for your baby is the most important thing - not just some fantasy life that your SO clearly has no interest in.

Good luck and sorry you are dealing with this.

JewelzNBean

First and foremost - that SUCKS and my heart hurts for you and the words that can never be un-said. No-one deserves that. 

Do you think he really meant what he said? Like, if you hadn't spent the time convincing him otherwise, do you think he would have come around on his own?

I certainly don't disagree with other posters - and definitely agree that you should be going to counselling - together and separately. However, I know I have said things I really did not mean in the heat of anger, and wished so much I could take back. Some people are like that. I'm not trying to smooth over what he said, just trying to figure out if he meant it or was just angry.

I think, just as much as you owe it to your LO to make sure you're not staying with your SO if it will be a bad environment, you also owe it to him to try to have a functional relationship (whether it means you're together or not) - if he's willing to as well.

Wishing you so much hope!!!

MrsDimka2B

First of all, let me just tell you that Jackson is adorable. So sweet, you must love him to pieces.

Second of all, I had a baby at 19 with a guy who operated much the same way you SO seems to. I stayed with him for 7 years total, hoping for that "happy family" scenario. I finally figured out that to have that "happy family" meant he would have to go. My dd and I managed great without him. I had to go on financial assistance for a while, and put myself through college, but I wouldn't change a thing. If I had stayed with him, then I wouldnt have met my husband, who is a dream come true and an amazing father. And I wouldn't have my new dd. Thanks God I left when I did. That's my story. I was scared to be alone too--scared to death, and I figured no one would want me, a single young mother. I was wrong, thank goodness.

Good luck. You and your son deserve all the best--now go out and get it. :-) 

Suparstarz714

WOW.  I WOULD LEAVE HIM.  MY DH IS A JERK BUT HE WOULD NEVER SAY THAT.

RedQueen82

ttmccoot:

mel1987:

I KNOW it's not about me anymore. It really is easier said than done tho. Because if we could make this work then that would be great for my son. Today did really make me realize that I need to do things to get myself financially able. I don't want to rely on him, or my family. I need to make this work by myself.

believe me, i know it's easier said than done. yes, start getting your finances in order, but don't hesitate to accept help if someone (beside the BF) offers it, because it won't happen overnight.

again, good luck.

This. Good luck!