My experience, rather long just need to get it out....

Holla25

I just started back to work after a crazy 12 weeks off. After 19 hours of labor and Our first 4 days with our DD were spent in the hospital due to jaundice where breastfeeding became a quick thing of the past after DD was given a "binkie" while in the Billy Machine, she would no longer latch on and pumping was the worst experience ever I would sit for 45 minutes at a time and get less than 2 oz. I couldn't mentally/phyically handle pumping. After getting home we were trying very hard to get into some what of a routine and my breast hurting so bad I couldn't hardly hold my LO. Then 3 weeks later I woke up one morning with pains that I would describe 3 times worse than any potocin induced labor pain, DH chalked it up to gas and advised me to drink a coke. I finally convienced him it was not gas and there was something extremely wrong and he needed to turn around from heading to work. He then with attitude, got DD dressed and helped me get dressed we dropped DD off at the in laws and to the hospital we went where DH parked in the parking lot and made me walk into the ER from the middle of the lot. After a MRI it was advised that my appendix had burst and emergancy surgery was the next step. My first question was recovery time because it can't be long I have a newborn at home Doc! So after being told I'd spend 3 days of recovery in the hospital. I struggled with if I should let my in laws bring my 3 week old baby in the hospital with all this H1N1 stuff going on but after the second day I NEEDED to see my baby! So she came in for just a few minutes then a week later we were at the pedi's office with a runny nose and crackling in her breathing. Luckily it was just a small cold that I felt awful about blaming myself for allowing her in the hospital to see her. Now back to work, working what we railroad workers call a "swing shift" I work 7am-3 pm two days a week, 6pm-2am two days a week and then 11pm-7 am one day a week. Where my husband works 8am to 5 pm Monday to Friday. We are trying so hard to make this whole thing work without messing with our DD routine but with my schedule it is causing a lot of time that I don't get to see my LO due to her sleeping when I get home or me trying to get sleep before I have to be at work so a lot of pressure is put on DH to pick up slack. Which after the appendix issue he owes me big! I'm now going into bad crying spells at work and a deep depression, I'm already on something to help with the depression but the panic attacks have become unbarable. I'm hoping that talking about this even if nobody reads will help make me feel a little bit better because I feel like I'm losing my mind not being able to see my little one! Then today I was told while I was sleeping and my in laws (who are Saints honestly) were watching the DD she laughed...I missed her first laugh! Just don't think I can handle missing anymore firsts. So do I end my career and stay at home thus risking a tight income or "man up" and try to make it through at least another month maybe it will get easier!?!?!? I'm just so torn right now...Going to keep praying about it.

KdCarr21

I am sorry that your feeling this way.. Hopefully everything will work out. But if my dh and I could do it on one income i would quit in a heartbeat good luck on your decsion.

rssnlvr

I'm so sorry you have had such a rough go of it. Motherhood has been way harder for us than we imagined it would be, too. Lots of tears. Lots of frustration. Lots of self-doubt and self-blame. Just want you to know that you are not alone in having an incredibly difficult time adjusting to being a mommy.

Good luck with your decision--that is a really hard one to make. I will pray that whatever decision you come to, you are able to be at peace with it.

svbattista

I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time. Could you possibly change your schedule ?

EmilyBowes

i am so sorry honey--that sounds awful. do you get any sick leave for that appendix issue?

lazysusan

could you try part time?  I feel similar for different reasons, and didn't think 2 would be so hard.  I just started a new job, and definately too many life changes!  Eventually this job will allow me to spend more time with my sons.  DH is also starting his own business, so I have to be the "stable" working one for now.  DS rolled over for the first time at the babysitter's today

renebean319

i think this a personal decision that strangers on the internet can't make for you.

do whats best for you and your family.

meyemn28

Oh wow, I'm really sorry.  I had a similar experience with DD being re-admitted for jaundice and the difficulty with BFing and having to pump.  I couldn't imagine the appendix issue on top of that--how annoying that it would happen while you are on leave and not while you are working!

As far as work goes, I think if you can afford to get by on DH's income and you have a plan to get back to work if/when you need to (degree, work experience, references, etc) you should take some time off.  You'll look back on this time and not wish you worked more.  It's a tough choice to make, but I think when LO's are this young, they don't really need a lot of material things.  When they are older and need braces, cool clothes, class trips, etc then two incomes is really essential.  Right now though, if money is tight, your LO probably won't know the difference so it's a matter of whether or not you are willing to give up extra luxuries.  GL!

surprisebaby4us2009

I totally changed my schedule and dropped to part time.  I hope that you can get this worked out for you and your family!

kiki-W

I NEVER thought i could be SAHM, iloved my career and i was not sure we could afford it

but my choice to be a SAHM has made the happiest i have ever been. 

i could not be w/o my babies on a daily basis.

we cut costs everywhere and made it work. i buy consignment clothes for my kids and toys at yard sales and only buy food on sale or with coupons. it is hard financially. but i would not have it any other way.