Agree or disagree - your thoughts

kittycarr

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/23307058.aspx

 

summerbrideDC

I just read the OP, not the responses, but I absolutely agree w/ her. ?I think it's incredibly insensitive for a pregnant woman who's got anxiety about loss to go there and ask those women for support. ?They are trying to deal with something incredibly difficult and tragic--if every woman who spots for 5 seconds goes over there looking for support, it's incredibly unfair for those women who have lost their babies. ?

veloelle

Agree. If you haven't had a loss or TTTC, it's hard to relate to the need to grieve. She worded it nicely, I thought.

kittycarr

I kind of think that if you are having serious possible miscarriage issues, but already have a kid, it's a little effed up to not be able to go there.  Right?

WifeyLindsay

I agree with the asking questions part. Asking pregnancy questions could be inconsiderate to the people who have already experienced a loss. BUT the whole siggie tickers/pics stipulations is a bit ridiculous. Is she not going to go out in public because then she will see people with kids? No. You just have to learn to deal with life sometimes. I feel for her and the others who have experienced a loss, but you do have to learn to move on in a positive way and not let it turn into bitterness.

kittycarr

Essentially, if docmay wanted to go there for support, she'd be beat up for already having kids.

summerbrideDC

I might have misread it, but I dont' think that's what she's saying---it seems to me that her issue is with pregnant women or pregnant women who already have kids going over there with "potential" miscarriage questions. ?I think it's in pretty poor taste to use one of our own nesties as an example, btw. ?

shouldbworkin

OTOH, I agree that people should never post there if they *think* they might be having a m/c or the like.  OTOH, what if you are having a m/c and you already have a child?  Should you not be able to post there like everyone else?  Is their pain somehow worse than yours b/c you already have a child?  I don't think so at all! 

kittycarr

I seriously think docmay is the perfect example in this situation.  And the OP specifically mentions tickers and pictures, etc.

summerbrideDC

eh, she's got every right in the world to feel the way she does and to express it. ?I think she put it very gently and explained herself really well.?

I know that some women on the TTTC board have a hard time w/ 2nd IFers b/c we have pics of our first kids in our sigs. ?I know that I'm struggling with my own IF experience, but I do believe that most days IF is easier for me to deal with b/c I do have a child already. ?

I'm not at ALL saying that someone who's lost a pregnancy but who already has kids shouldn't be offered support.. ?I cannot fathom that tragedy, no matter how many kids you have. ?But I understand how a woman suffering a loss who's never had a child would find it painful to offer support to a woman who already has children. ? In the same way that a woman dealing with primary IF might have a hard time offering me support in my situation.

Mrs.Tony

I saw this today.  I agree with not posting questions about possibly losing a pregnancy because that just seems out of place there.  I disagree with the fact that she is taking issue with those who have tickers or prior children depicted in their profile. I lost a baby boy (which was my second child)  at 18 wks and I wanted support from friends and family but I also liked to talk to others who had gone through the same thing.  I would have felt badly if someone didn't feel that I was experiencing the same sort of feelings simply because I already had a DD at home.  Sure seeing babies hurt and seeing pregnant women was hard but with time (and alot of tears) that passed.  You cannot expect life to stop going on around you.  I grieved and I went on to have my DS this past February and hopefully all of these girls on there will go on to have children post loss. 

Losing a baby is one of the most difficult things I have gone through (along with fertility treatments to have both of my kids - the loss was a natural pregnancy). 

dnagal

I think in essence, she's right, but people don't lurk enough first before posting their anxieties, (leaping before they look) this announcement won't impact them, since they are clearly not assessing the environment of the board before they post.  The other thing that happens on that board is people meaning to post pregnancy stuff on TTCAL post on MC/PL accidentally-that's almost worse, as they are posting normal pregnancy posts. 

As for siggie pics, I have the same issue as other posters, my miscarriage is not any "less awful" than anyone else's because I have DD, and I wouldn't consider removing her picture from my siggie to participate in discussions there.   That said, I stay away from that board now because there is just too much sadness and I'm trying to move forward with my life!

emiliemadison

kittycarr:

I kind of think that if you are having serious possible miscarriage issues, but already have a kid, it's a little effed up to not be able to go there.  Right?

That's what I was thinking. First time pregnancies are not the only ones that end in miscarriage. 

GrowingFamily

I think they sound a bit too bitter.  I have kids AND have m/c'd - twice. One was a chemical pg (in 2005) & one I lost at 9wks pg 2007).  I understand being hurt, but being nasty is not OK.  They've crossed a line.  Saying that they don't even want to see siggy pix of kids?! Who made them the posting police?  Ridiculous.  I was just as sad to lose my babies, even though I already had kids.  It does NOT make the pain any less to already have children when you m/c, contrary to what they would like to believe.  In fact, the child/ children you already have are constant daily reminders of what you have lost.