i can never win (dh vent) — The Bump
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i can never win (dh vent)

Let me start by giving some background info. Dh works from home most of the time (except for 1 day a week when he meets with his employees or whenever he has to meet with clients). Most of the time he's home. I work for my mom so my schedule is pretty flexible (I work Mon, Wed, Fri. But I go in Tues or Thurs if I have to). I can also take Abraham since I have my own office but its a pain because when I do I can't concentrate or get any work done. My mom is home most of the time so I worked it out with her so that when she is I drop off Abraham while I go to work. Well, lately I've been asking DH to keep him when I go (because 1-its his son and 2-hes home anyway, I'd rather Abraham have a set schedule). Well, he doesn't complain per se, but he always makes a face or acts like the world is coming to an end bcuz Abraham spit up all over the place or whatever. Yesterday I told my mom that I would drop off Abraham today because I had to go to the office. DH was going to our old house to cut the weeds in the back because someone is renting it this week. He also woke up with an attitude (I don't do well with those bcuz I have an attitude myself lol). So dh tells me "ill keep Abraham today". And I explain about my moms house and if he's not going to be paying attention to Abrahm anyway he doesn't have to keep him today. DH gets pissed and says "the one day I tell u I'm going to keep him you say you're taking him". So again I went over the whole thing and tell him I don't understand why he's being a jerk about it if he's just going to sit Abraham in his stroller and leave him inside while he's outside doing grass work. Whatever, I guess I'm just mad because every day I wait for him to OFFER to help me and I never get it. The one day that he "offers" I already had plans for Abraham and he wasn't even going to pay attention to the kid. I'm just waiting for dh to realize that Abraham needs a little more interaction than "ill put him in front of the tv while I'm on the comp" because he does this and then doesn't understand why Abraham is sitting there crying. I guess I just needed to write this out so I won't go crazy. I don't even know what to do anymore. I cook, clean, work, and take care of Abe. I'm TIRED!!!:( Don't get me wrong, dh is amazing, I just wish he'd give me a break! Thanks for letting me vent! Sorry its so long.
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Re: i can never win (dh vent)

  • You know, I think it just comes easier to us. I think women are natural born multitaskers and sometimes the men need nudges here and there.

    However, I just wanted to implore you to not underestimate your husband just because his timing was horrible in his offer to help. If you don't appreciate it on the day he asks (even if it was a bad day) then you cannot get mad when he does not continue to offer.

    I think a lot of DH have a problem transitioning as dads of blob babies who are happy anywhere you put them to dads of babies that now need interraction. You can probably lead by example on this. My hardest problem when my DH worked from home was getting him to NOT work. At least in an office you know the work is left there. When they work from home it is never ending. So, try to set up family times where you guys interact with Abe together (without the TV) and so he can see how Abe needs to be played with now vs. a month ago.

    I hope this helps. Being a mom and a wife is not easy. It has its ups and downs. You are juggling the two people in the world most important to you. It will work out, tho.


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  • I could have written what Mel said to a T. LOL I agree whole-heartedly with everything she said. I think most of us mom's have been where you are at so you aren't alone.
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  • Yeah I know what you mean. I was very happy he offered but I was upset that he got mad because he offered and got turned down. I know he's trying hard to help me more but omg sometimes I just wanna scream. I guess I can't get mad because he's not doing what I WANT him to be doing, because he's doing what he can.

    I came home after the whole vent and talked to him about it (again) and I think we're both on the same page now. 

    Thanks so much for your input!:)

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  • I'm so sorry :( It sounds extremely frustrating and I would feel the exact same way if I were in your shoes. It's crazy how different men and women can be (yes, I know I'm overgeneralizing and there are exceptions to everything). But it seems that with women, we know that we have to do what we have to do no matter now inconvenient or annoying it is. I think the men have a harder time adjusting to how time consuming babies can be, how much attention they require, and how much work it is to take care of them. They do seem to freak out at every little complication or hiccup (like if they spit up everywhere or have a big poop blowout or are fussy for several hours in a row or whatever), whereas women just see it as all in a day's work and do a better job of taking it all in stride.

    Anyway, Mel had some great suggestions and I really hope that you guys can work together and that things get better. Sometimes all it takes is really talking and getting your feelings out for the other people to see where you are coming from. ((hugs))

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  • You got some great responses. The key in all this is communication. It seems like you have done this already but we can't forget to do it when something is bothering us from the very start so that things don't get out of control. I'm glad you are now on the same page and good luck bringing some resolution to the issue.
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    BFP #3: 01/28/12, EDD: 09/23/12, MMC (BO), D&C 2/16/12 at 6.5 wks
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    RPL Workup: + LPD (7DPO Prog = 7.8, Endometrial Bx = out of phase)
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    Hematologist said not to worry and no need for treatment!

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  • Thank you for your words ladies:)

    Jen, I definitely agree about the difference between men and women. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that we are the mothers. And hello....have you noticed that your ticker says 30 weeks!!?!? OMGGGG I cannot believe you are 30 weeks pregnant!!!! You're really really almost there!:)

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  • imageMrs.ClariC:

    And hello....have you noticed that your ticker says 30 weeks!!?!? OMGGGG I cannot believe you are 30 weeks pregnant!!!! You're really really almost there!:)

    Nope, I really can't believe it...someone pinch me!!!

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