- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
1st Trimester
Wytang
member
Inlaws not so happy
Wytang
member
we told the inlaws last week about my BFP and all they said was "U guys arent married yet!" We have been engaged since last Dec, we have just been to busy to plan a wedding (and with the baby on the way I dont think I want to spend so much money on a fancy wedding)
But thats all they have said....and now they are pretending like nothing happened! ...like we never told them I was pregnant!!!!! No congrats no NOTHING! I don;t understand this...We have been together fpr 8 years, we are 27...we both have jobs... we have a house....what is their problem????
My parents on the other hand are super happy....they couldnt be more supportive... they have been talking about grandkids for a LONG time now.... so when we told the inlaws I thought they would be happy too..... this makes me really sad.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Inlaws not so happy
When we told my IL's about Zachary, MIL's reaction was "I don't want to be a grandma!" I was shocked. They were supportive, but her reaction kind of hurt me.
I'm sorry, I feel your pain. My inlaws are not to happy either.
We've been together over 3 years (will be 4 when the baby comes), we are planning on getting married in January, we already have a house and have been living together a while, we both have jobs, and he's in his 30's and I"m in my mid-late 20's.
We almost have the exact situation when it comes to parents reactions. Mine are thrilled and his are very very unhappy.
It's good to know I'm not the only one having an issue of the inlaws not liking the situation.
Best of luck to you. I hope they get over it soon!
I am so sorry that you didn't get the excited response that you deserve. Too often I don't think that our families realize the effect that they have on us.
Just try to realize that trying to make everyone happy all of the time with your life choices is a recipe for failure everytime. My family has been "none too happy" with my desire to have a career first, then a family and also to keep said career after baby. Oh, and my grandma was displeased with the news that I will have to have a cesarean! She was trying to talk me out of it last night!
This is not for fun or convenience, believe me, but we are having twins who share a placenta and an amniotic sac (mo-mo twins). A vaginal birth is very risky in that situation and is NEVER attempted unless someone is ok with the chances of birth problems (the one born first could pull the placenta away from the wall or wrap the other twin in its cords at birth leading to brain damage).
So, if I want to make my grandma happy I have to put the health of my children at risk. *sigh* So, its not gonna happen, she is just gonna have to get over it and I am just gonna have to live with her displeasure. ; )
i'm sorry for the reaction . . MH and I have been married for a little over 2 years when we had our first child and told my parents. . my step=mom and dad said that they weren't ready to be grandparents and why didn't we wait for 2 years and stuff. . my parents came around and love DD. It took time for the shock to wear off. . .
now, we have the task of telling them again and both of us r nervous. We had some martial problems this year and this pg was a surprise for both of us. my parents hate MH right now and they are not going to be happy about this pg and honestly I don't want to hear it from them . . i don't know what to expect from his parents.
I agree with this. However...a baby is always a blessing and should be celebrated! I think they could have at least congratulated you even if they didn't agree with how you did things. I'm sorry for their reaction! Hopefully they will come around!
I'm guessing they're old fashioned and think things should be done "the right way." It's disappointing, but even in this day and age, should not really come as a surprise. It sounds like you don't share their esteem for marriage, so there's bound to be a difference of opinion. You guys know what you want to do, so just enjoy it. I think they will come around (they usually do).
I think that's a bummer. But, also, if you guys are engaged, but don't have time to plan a wedding...they're probably wondering about the time it takes to raise a child. Show them that having a wedding just wasn't a priority, that you both love each other and go for the quickie! (Unless you don't care what they think, but sounds like you do). Then when you guys feel like it, you can always just plan a nice reception or small wedding ceremony. Probably not what you want to hear, but it's an option right?
ETA: FWIW, I don't think your ability to be parents depends on being married or not. But, I know how nice it is to have both side of the family being very supportive, and I like it that way.
I'm sorry you went through that, but I'm not suprised by the reaction. I do disagree that they should automatically celebrate even if they disagree. I know this example is NOt what you are going through and I'm not comparing the two, but if my 15 year old daughter for example told me she was pregnant, my first reaction would not be to celebrate.
Again, your situation is NOTHING like that, but I was simply addressing the logic one of the PPs about how they should always be celebrated.
Congrats! And I'm willing to bet, with time, they will be very excited.
Ditto this. I'm somewhat old-fashioned. While I think they should have congratulated you, I can understand where they come from. If you've already been engaged for almost a year, yet haven't set a wedding date it makes me wonder if you were that committed to getting married in the first place. And if marriage IS important to you, then I vote for a JOP wedding now, and a big, splashy, anniversary/renewal of vows after baby comes. I guess it frustrates me when people put off getting married for a wedding. You can always have a wedding - in reality it's just a big party. It's the MARRIAGE that counts.
Also, I think that since in their minds this isn't the ideal situation, you just need to give them time. If they don't come around soon, I'm sure by the time your little one is here, they will have moved on. But if you're still not married by then, I would expect them to up the pressure on you saying 'I DO' when the two of you become three.
Just my two cents. Congrats on your little one and H&H 9 months.
w/dd my dad's first response was..."are you sure you guys are ready for this?"
it was bizzare...it took him awhile to come around to the idea of being a grandpa (our wedding was stressful on him too) and spoils my dd rotten and takes her on special adventures with just him. they are too cute.
this time around, he was the first person i told, and he was thrilled!!!
give them time....they are just being old farts! LOL
aww thanks everyone...I feel a little better now...it just so hard since I feel like I cant tell any of my friends this...I don't want them to feel sorry for me or worry about me being sad.
I will get married...but I just want it to be simple ...VERY simple... and I dont think thats what the inlaws had in mind, they want a grand wedding and invite everyone in the the world! but they have to understand...we just don't have the money for it (its not like my parents or his will pay for it...money is tight for everyone)....we just got the house and now a baby....
My poor fianc?.....i know he's stressed about this too...their reaction suprised him more....I know he's hurt but trying not to show me....
but Thanks everyone for the advice.... and to all the other ladies who are on the same boat as me...lets keep our heads up! and I hope everything will work out for all of us... it sucks we have to stress over something like this right now....as if M/S isn;t bad enuff...
If all YOU want is a simple wedding, than go for it! Don't put off marriage to give them the wedding THEY want!
Good luck to you!