Introducing new baby to 19 month old?

Beachbride0907

I am due in 6 weeks and my son will be 19 months old by then. Any suggestions for introducing him to his new baby brother?

trapani2be

SFL, any tips would be great to have for the future.

punkfiction

i think its a great age for them to understand it. aidan was that age when sawyer was born and she didnt understand until she came to the hospital to visit me. i let her lay in bed with me, help with sawyer, and she became automatically attached. the nurse picked sawyer up and aidan burst into tears bc she thought that she was going to take "her baby". i made sure that she helped with everything - getting diapers, finding comfy blankets, anything to show that i needed her around and so did sawyer.

the one piece of advice i always give is that if both of your kids are crying - get your toddler first. your newborn will not remember that they waited 1 more minute, but your toddler will remember that you didnt pick them first.

djandkellen

SFL...DS will be almost 18 mos - would like to know too!   

djandkellen

punkfiction:

i think its a great age for them to understand it. aidan was that age when sawyer was born and she didnt understand until she came to the hospital to visit me. i let her lay in bed with me, help with sawyer, and she became automatically attached. the nurse picked sawyer up and aidan burst into tears bc she thought that she was going to take "her baby". i made sure that she helped with everything - getting diapers, finding comfy blankets, anything to show that i needed her around and so did sawyer.

the one piece of advice i always give is that if both of your kids are crying - get your toddler first. your newborn will not remember that they waited 1 more minute, but your toddler will remember that you didnt pick them first.

Do you think there's a difference between the way girls attach vs. boys?   

KGsky

punkfiction:

the one piece of advice i always give is that if both of your kids are crying - get your toddler first. your newborn will not remember that they waited 1 more minute, but your toddler will remember that you didnt pick them first.

Good point.  I so want to avoid the "jealousy" thing, even though I know to some extent it's unavoidable.

punkfiction

djandkellen:

punkfiction:

i think its a great age for them to understand it. aidan was that age when sawyer was born and she didnt understand until she came to the hospital to visit me. i let her lay in bed with me, help with sawyer, and she became automatically attached. the nurse picked sawyer up and aidan burst into tears bc she thought that she was going to take "her baby". i made sure that she helped with everything - getting diapers, finding comfy blankets, anything to show that i needed her around and so did sawyer.

the one piece of advice i always give is that if both of your kids are crying - get your toddler first. your newborn will not remember that they waited 1 more minute, but your toddler will remember that you didnt pick them first.

Do you think there's a difference between the way girls attach vs. boys?   

i dunno. i mean at this age, they both want to be wanted, they both love having a new "friend" around, etc. now, i (obvs) don't know how boys attach, but youd think it would be similar.

MrsKellyOrBust

punkfiction:

djandkellen:

punkfiction:

i think its a great age for them to understand it. aidan was that age when sawyer was born and she didnt understand until she came to the hospital to visit me. i let her lay in bed with me, help with sawyer, and she became automatically attached. the nurse picked sawyer up and aidan burst into tears bc she thought that she was going to take "her baby". i made sure that she helped with everything - getting diapers, finding comfy blankets, anything to show that i needed her around and so did sawyer.

the one piece of advice i always give is that if both of your kids are crying - get your toddler first. your newborn will not remember that they waited 1 more minute, but your toddler will remember that you didnt pick them first.

Do you think there's a difference between the way girls attach vs. boys?   

i dunno. i mean at this age, they both want to be wanted, they both love having a new "friend" around, etc. now, i (obvs) don't know how boys attach, but youd think it would be similar.

I will hopefully be able to speak to this any day now.  DS just turned 19 months. We've been prepping him by putting out all the gear and talking about the baby but he still has no real idea.

djandkellen

MrsKellyOrBust:

punkfiction:

djandkellen:

punkfiction:

i think its a great age for them to understand it. aidan was that age when sawyer was born and she didnt understand until she came to the hospital to visit me. i let her lay in bed with me, help with sawyer, and she became automatically attached. the nurse picked sawyer up and aidan burst into tears bc she thought that she was going to take "her baby". i made sure that she helped with everything - getting diapers, finding comfy blankets, anything to show that i needed her around and so did sawyer.

the one piece of advice i always give is that if both of your kids are crying - get your toddler first. your newborn will not remember that they waited 1 more minute, but your toddler will remember that you didnt pick them first.

Do you think there's a difference between the way girls attach vs. boys?   

i dunno. i mean at this age, they both want to be wanted, they both love having a new "friend" around, etc. now, i (obvs) don't know how boys attach, but youd think it would be similar.

I will hopefully be able to speak to this any day now.  DS just turned 19 months. We've been prepping him by putting out all the gear and talking about the baby but he still has no real idea.

Yes, any day now!  Good luck! 

howleyshell

Mine are 17 months apart.  

I got lucky.

ZERO jealousy.

Pissed when I didn't respond to him fast enough?  Sometimes - but never anger pointed at the baby.

The key is to start now teaching the toddler patience (yes, I know that sounds laughable but it is possible!).  

When they ask for something delay your response.

ie:  

toddler:  "Milk please?!?!"

Momma:  "Sure Honey!  I'll get you your milk as soon as I finish washing this plate (or insert another inane thing here that you need to do first to delay your response a few minutes.  Start with seconds and move gradually to longer periods of time)"

The key is to keep talking to them and entertaining them while you delay your response to getting them what they've asked for - keep them busy by singing a song or something fun.

By doing this they won't be as shell shocked when they want you to read them a book but you're up to your elbows in a blow out poop diaper and clothing change.  They learn that you WILL tend to them like you say you will - they just have to wait a minute or 2.  

You learn to juggle both.  

And - I often tended to the baby before the toddler.  It's basic triage.  If the toddler's crying because he's throwing a tantrum vs the baby crying because he's actually uncomfortable I'm going with the one who has the real physiological need first.

I think it's good to start as you plan to continue.  The world doesn't revolve around the toddler or the baby.  They both get their needs met as soon as I can meet them.  That means each of them has to wait from time to time.  That's life.   

And if you're asking about the actual hospital introduction as in first time meeting - I took wrapped toys (gifts) for the toddler that would keep him busy.  Hospital rooms are NOT fun for toddlers to spend any extended amount of time in.  Magna doodle is one he'll play with for a while.

He really didn't show much interest in the baby.  Posed for a couple of pictures and then DH took him home so he wasn't board and grumpy.

It was really anticlimactic for me.  I was hoping for a big hung and some immediate bonding but in truth the ambivilance turned out to be a good thing.

Now - they're best buds.  Hearing them say "Lub Ewww brother!" and hug tight (while they say "SQUEEEEEEEEEEEZE!") when they go to bed each night is the BEST thing in the whole world.

I love having them so close in age.  I hope you do too! 

punkfiction

He really didn't show much interest in the baby.  Posed for a couple of pictures and then DH took him home so he wasn't board and grumpy.

It was really anticlimactic for me.  I was hoping for a big hung and some immediate bonding but in truth the ambivilance turned out to be a good thing.

 

and there, djandkellan, may be the difference betw boys and girls? 

Beachbride0907

Thanks so much for all the great advice. I am glad to see that I am not the only one!!