Complaining of an "oopps baby"

npaulsell

I posted yesteday that we have been tyring for 4 cycles now and that I was bummed bc my bff just found out she is pg and they weren't even trying.

Another friend of mine just emailed me that is is also pg. She then goes on complaining about it bc it was an "oops baby." I mean, she actually sounded mad she was pg. She knows we had trouble getting pg with DD and that we are trying for #2. I understand that an unplanned pg can can be hard on things...but my gosh...you can give me your working ovaries if they piss you off that much. I would love a month of NOT being phsycho woman on Clomid. lol

Ok...mini-vent over

BetchySprout

Her not wanting more babies will not affect you in the least. No need to listen to her at all, but she is probably in shock!

 

By the way, we have been trying for a few months, no luck. Our friends just found out they are having their EIGHTH child between them. He makes practially no money at a grocery store, she doesn't work. She had 3 before him, he had 2 before her, they have 2 together, and she has had one therapeutic abortion and one miscarriage in the last 2 years. They have sex once every 6 months or so, and have gotten pregnant EVERY TIME.

They are so excited. He has "planned on a vasectomy" for about 2 years now, just never got around to it. Not gonna listen to him whine about money ANY MORE.

Josie22

That is not appropriate. If she's upset about it she should say that to someone that would agree with her. I'm sorry she couldn't realize how it made you feel.

brandonsfuturewife07

one woman's accidental fertility does not affect your infertility.  not in the slightest.  she has every right to be upset about being pregnant just as much as you have the right to be upset about not being pregnant.

IckyThump

I'm sorry, that stinks. But I'm sure your friend wasn't trying to be insensitive. She's probably in shock and wants to vent to a good friend. I would let it go for now. If she continues to bring it up, I would say something.

KKM

brandonsfuturewife07:

one woman's accidental fertility does not affect your infertility.  not in the slightest.  she has every right to be upset about being pregnant just as much as you have the right to be upset about not being pregnant.

I agree with this...Dont get me wrong, it sucks but she does have the right to be upset. 

laur1120

IckyThump:

I'm sorry, that stinks. But I'm sure your friend wasn't trying to be insensitive. She's probably in shock and wants to vent to a good friend. I would let it go for now. If she continues to bring it up, I would say something.

ITA.  I'm sure she wasn't trying to be insensitive.  I don't knwo what it's like to go through IF treatments but I'm sure it's VERY emotionally and physically challenging.  My friend is going through it now and I sure as hell would not say that to her if I ended up with an "oops". 

raceyrae

brandonsfuturewife07:

one woman's accidental fertility does not affect your infertility.  not in the slightest.  she has every right to be upset about being pregnant just as much as you have the right to be upset about not being pregnant.

I agree.  I think you both need to be there for each other.  She needs to be supportive of how you're feeling to be still TTC but at the same time, you need to be supportive that this might be a shock to her and not something she's presently thrilled about.  If you don't want her to discuss her frustration at getting pg unexpectedly, you probably shouldn't discuss with her how hard it's been for you to get pg.  This could bother her the same way that her getting pg "accidentally" is bothering you.

Good luck to you though!  I hope this is your cycle!

mlf625

brandonsfuturewife07:

one woman's accidental fertility does not affect your infertility.? not in the slightest.? she has every right to be upset about being pregnant just as much as you have the right to be upset about not being pregnant.

True, but the friend also has the option to find someone else to complain to. ?Her friend knows she struggled to conceive #1 and is TTC again- a little tact and sensitivity would go a long way here.?

Sorry, OP, that would bug the crap out of me, too. ?:(

Heather R

It stinks that you're not pregnant when you want to be.  It equally stinks that she is pregnant and doesn't want to be.  You both have a right to your feelings.  You also have the right to tell her you don't want to hear this from her.

eta: didn't see last sentence about Clomid, oops.

Hope this is your cycle.

iris427

mlf625:

brandonsfuturewife07:

one woman's accidental fertility does not affect your infertility.  not in the slightest.  she has every right to be upset about being pregnant just as much as you have the right to be upset about not being pregnant.

True, but the friend also has the option to find someone else to complain to.  Her friend knows she struggled to conceive #1 and is TTC again- a little tact and sensitivity would go a long way here. 

Sorry, OP, that would bug the crap out of me, too.  

ITA.  She has the right to be upset, absolutely, but knowing the OP has T-TTC, she should have been more sensitive.

Monkeybuttwhat

Heather R:

It stinks that you're not pregnant when you want to be.  It equally stinks that she is pregnant and doesn't want to be.  You both have a right to your feelings.  You also have the right to tell her you don't want to hear this from her.

eta: didn't see last sentence about Clomid, oops.

Hope this is your cycle.

Oh no Heather watch out lol. 

I said that on 6-12 when a girl was saying they were having T-TTC and I was like huh how are you having T-TTC you had a baby less than a year ago???? I got flamed for oh ever. 

Anyways OP. I understand your frustration. I am sorry you're on Clomid right now I know that is hard. It is ok to vent here about it to keep from saying something bitter to your friend. I am an old BOTB girl I get your feelings. While she does have the right to be upset it is ok if it hurts your feelings and it upsets you. I know that irrational feeling of T-TTC.  I will listen. GL and try and relax, I actually just wrote a blog post about this kind of thing this morning.

oceanlover

I think it is absolutely wrong to vent to a person that you know is having trouble TTC.

 

Monkeybuttwhat

It makes me wonder if the ladies in this thread that said you are overacting know what clomid is or what it is like to be on .

 

lpennie16

that sounds very insensitive of your friend to say to you especially knowing that you are having difficulty TTC

I had an easy time getting pregnant, but I don't brag/talk about it because I know that many people have a hard time.

Good luck and I wish you the best!

mlf625

Monkeybuttwhat:

It makes me wonder if the ladies in this thread that said you are overacting know what clomid is or what it is like to be on .

?

Amen. ?While my issue wasn't fertility, I did miscarry twice and the insensitivity of some of these replies shows some women have no idea what it's like to be wanting a baby and hear someone complain about theirs. ?One of my friends got pregnant accidentally - I knew she was upset and respected that, but appreciated immensely that she chose other friends to vent to, NOT me.?

Monkeybuttwhat

mlf625:

Monkeybuttwhat:

It makes me wonder if the ladies in this thread that said you are overacting know what clomid is or what it is like to be on .

 

Amen.  While my issue wasn't fertility, I did miscarry twice and the insensitivity of some of these replies shows some women have no idea what it's like to be wanting a baby and hear someone complain about theirs.  One of my friends got pregnant accidentally - I knew she was upset and respected that, but appreciated immensely that she chose other friends to vent to, NOT me. 

I have so much more I want to say but I am holding it in because of the audience. 

Judah'sMommy

Monkeybuttwhat:

It makes me wonder if the ladies in this thread that said you are overacting know what clomid is or what it is like to be on .

Yet no one cares what it is like to NOT want a baby but end up pregnant anyway.  Wait, she should have kept her legs closed, right?  RIGHT?

Monkeybuttwhat

Judah'sMommy:

Monkeybuttwhat:

It makes me wonder if the ladies in this thread that said you are overacting know what clomid is or what it is like to be on .

Yet no one cares what it is like to NOT want a baby but end up pregnant anyway.  Wait, she should have kept her legs closed, right?  RIGHT?

That is not true at all. I have supported people plenty here that got pregnant and did not want the baby. 

Judah'sMommy

Monkeybuttwhat:

Judah'sMommy:

Monkeybuttwhat:

It makes me wonder if the ladies in this thread that said you are overacting know what clomid is or what it is like to be on .

Yet no one cares what it is like to NOT want a baby but end up pregnant anyway.  Wait, she should have kept her legs closed, right?  RIGHT?

That is not true at all. I have supported people plenty here that got pregnant and did not want the baby. 

I just think sensitivity is in order all around.  Both having an unwanted/unexpected pregnancy and T-TTC are HUGE events and can bring up a lot of emotions.  Isn't that what friends are for? 

skoorbnibor

as a person with some pretty serious IF, I feel your pain, but think that it is not really fair to be irritated with her for an oops.... I think sometimes we get so caught up in how we feel, we forget that there is always another view point. I am sure she didn't intend to hurt you, but she needs to be able to let go of how she feels and since she is your friend, she was venting to you. Maybe she is scared, overwhelmed, etc/

Heather R

mlf625:

Amen.  While my issue wasn't fertility, I did miscarry twice and the insensitivity of some of these replies shows some women have no idea what it's like to be wanting a baby and hear someone complain about theirs.   

I'm a miscarriage survivor, yet I stand by what I said: they both have a right to their feelings, and she has the option of telling her friend she doesn't need to hear it.

skoorbnibor

Monkeybuttwhat:

It makes me wonder if the ladies in this thread that said you are overacting know what clomid is or what it is like to be on .

 

I do. 6 cycles of clomid. 9 IUIs. Femara, more  internal ultrasounds, shots and doctors appts than you can imagine. Then 2 IVFs. and there is no way in hell I can get pregnant any way other than IVF, so although clomid seriously sucks, i wish that was an option, so believe me, I know the other side all too well. I wear my IF bitter like an expensive accessory...

I still think she was not trying to be insensitive. I would say the best plan would be for the OP to let her friend know that she is really sensitive to pregnancy right now and tell her that although you feel for her, it is really difficult to empathize right now... but be prepared for the friend to be hurt and disappointed.  There really are 2 sides.

Monkeybuttwhat

Judah'sMommy:

Monkeybuttwhat:

Judah'sMommy:

Monkeybuttwhat:

It makes me wonder if the ladies in this thread that said you are overacting know what clomid is or what it is like to be on .

Yet no one cares what it is like to NOT want a baby but end up pregnant anyway.  Wait, she should have kept her legs closed, right?  RIGHT?

That is not true at all. I have supported people plenty here that got pregnant and did not want the baby. 

I just think sensitivity is in order all around.  Both having an unwanted/unexpected pregnancy and T-TTC are HUGE events and can bring up a lot of emotions.  Isn't that what friends are for? 

It is what friends are for. She just turned here to vent about it. She is not saying these things to the friend.

 

MrsTotty

Judah'sMommy:

I just think sensitivity is in order all around.  Both having an unwanted/unexpected pregnancy and T-TTC are HUGE events and can bring up a lot of emotions.  Isn't that what friends are for? 

ITA.  Friends should be available no matter what.  Neither one of these issues is more important/more devastating than the other. 

Brougham7-15-06

I am sorry about your struggles.  I too understand the frustration of TTC on clomid, and I am going into my 4th cycle.  I am sure your friend was not trying to be insensitive, and just got caught up in the moment.  You have every right to be frustrated and upset, and while I have never been in the situation of an "oops baby" and probably never will, I am sure that is frightening as well.

npaulsell

Wow, I just had a chance to see/read all of these posts. I will calrify a few things.

• She asked me how it was going with my Clomid and in the midst of my answer told me she was pg. 
• This is not her first oops baby. This is her SIXTH baby. She has said they were all oops except for the first one.
• She said and I quote "I wish I didn't get pg so easy. Someone just says the word pg and the next thing I know my period is MIA." Mind you, she called me and asked me how trying to get pg was going.
• I never said anything negative to her....which is why I posted my mini-vent on here to begin with. I actually offered to help her with her other kids and what not if she needed me to for Dr appts and such.

I am not only thinking about my own feelings - bc I can imagine the shock and surprise of knowing you were pg when you weren't trying. Yes, she is entitled to her own feelings, and so amI - I just found it more appropriate to share them on her than to her.