With those with long NICU stays...

franciscaz

Do you ever feel like you just "lost" time.  Today is the cupcakes 1 mos b-day.  It is bittersweet b/c it is one whole month in which we have been separated and I really haven't been their mom.

Rachel&Joe

yes, I did feel that way.  stella was in the nicu for 89 days and i still feel so bitter about it.  it's so hard--big hugs to you!  it always made me feel better to celebrate those dates, i.e. I used to bring in cupcakes, flower arrangements (I am a florist) for the nurses.  making other people smile usually helps me feel more positive about things. 

ijack

I was just thinking about that today. I was reading Emma a book my parents got her for her 1 month birthday and I remember them bringing the book and getting to hold her for the first time. It just blew my mind that my parents didn't get to hold their first grandchild for a MONTH. It made me so sad that the circumstances were like that, but up until she was 3 weeks old we were only allowed to hold her once or twice a day and we weren't sharing.

It's hard and it sucks, but you'll get to celebrate every other birthday with them at home! How are they doing?

Ace1599

I agree, especially since D will be 6 mos next week. I just feel like that time was robbed from me, even though I do get him as a teeny guy..."Longer"

 

mcdev

Like you, I also had a toddler at home while Keira was in the NICU.  Claire was 18 months old when Keira was born and for the 90 days we traveled daily to and from the hospital I always felt like a failure.  I was either leaving Claire to see Keira or Keira to see Claire. I felt like I was always letting someone down.  It is so so hard.  This is all temporary though.  A year from now you will look back on these months and think "How the hell did I do it?!"  Hang in there and just do the best you can do considering the circumstances.

franciscaz

mcdev:

Like you, I also had a toddler at home while Keira was in the NICU.  Claire was 18 months old when Keira was born and for the 90 days we traveled daily to and from the hospital I always felt like a failure.  I was either leaving Claire to see Keira or Keira to see Claire. I felt like I was always letting someone down.  It is so so hard.  This is all temporary though.  A year from now you will look back on these months and think "How the hell did I do it?!"  Hang in there and just do the best you can do considering the circumstances.

WOW you hit it on the nail with me how I feel these days... nice to know I'm not alone on that.

franciscaz

ijack:

It's hard and it sucks, but you'll get to celebrate every other birthday with them at home! How are they doing?

They are doing really good.  This is from my blog today:

One month Birthdays!!!

Today the babies turned one month old. It was a very bittersweet day for me. In fact I feel very very melancholy because in many ways it is like I lost out on the first month. They still shouldn't be in this world and yet they have been through so much. I'm in awe of how strong they are and how hard they fight. With that said they are doing really really well. I can't believe our doctor gave us a goal date yesterday... October 15 (Callum might be a little behind). It seems unreal that they could be coming home so soon. Fingers are crossed!

Callum was beyond cute and funny today so he had an extra pic

 

TriciaJoy

It's hard to say how I feel about that time. It's so surreal.. like I feel like our life *really* began when he came home from the hospital..

mcdev

PM me if you ever need to talk.  NICU stays are difficult enough, but add a baby at home who just wants their mommy and you've got a recipe for an emotional breakdown for sure.  If I can survive it though you can too!  ((Hugs)) to you!

lemen99

yeah

Sweets2005

Yes, I did. But I was lucky in that I didn't have any other kids but I still felt like any time I wasn't with them was lost time. Today is my cupcakes 1 mo. bday and they were born at 32 weeks also. But today is our first day home from the hospital Good luck with yours, hope they come home soon!

New Wife

You have been their mom! you just know that they can get better care in the NICU. i know how you feel but it is the little milestones like that you can enjoy and hope they pass fast because that is one more step to getting them home! now that i look back i cant believe it has been almost 4 months that our little guy has been in the NICU and he should be home soon! just stay as positive as you can! and remember that they are where they need to be to get healthy and strong!

pmkmp

Aubrey came home from the NICU on her 3 month birthday.  We had a long stay!  In the beginning, yes, I felt like her babyhood was being wasted away.  But really, that 3 month birthday, was her zero birthday.  So in a way, we didn't lose time.  Ok, that's silly, I know, but that's how I rationalized it and made it alright.  Now that I look back (Aubrey is 13mos now), the NICU seems like eons ago and we've had so much time with her that I don't feel too terribly robbed in that department.  Feeling robbed of a normal pregnancy and a completely healthy child, well, that's a different story!  You are doing the very best you can as a mom with preemies in the NICU.  Believe that in every way possible.  You have to.  Take it day by day and just love those babies with all you've got.  Some day it will all be a distant memory and you'll be sitting down to tell them this whacky story of how their life started and they will thank you for being so strong for them.  ((hugs))

RubyRed7

It was hard and moments were horrible. I really had to push myself to stay positive so I wouldn't lose it. So me and my immediate family started referring to it as our "bonus" 8 weeks with Ruby. I got to spend two extra months with her Somehow it helped me though it, especially when I was in the NICU...

Good luck and I hope your family all gets to be together soon!

TripMomma

RubyRed7:

It was hard and moments were horrible. I really had to push myself to stay positive so I wouldn't lose it. So me and my immediate family started referring to it as our "bonus" 8 weeks with Ruby. I got to spend two extra months with her Somehow it helped me though it, especially when I was in the NICU...

Good luck and I hope your family all gets to be together soon!

Hmm I like that, it's a nice way to think of it

Lily and Xander were still in the NICU on their 1mo Bday, they were in for almost another whole week after their 1mo Bday. It was hard but there was nothing we could do about it. I just hope next time things go even better!

Hang in there...they are doing awesome!

southphilly

it's pretty awful, there's really no way around it.  it's been really hard for me to leave my toddler (for almost a month when I was in the hospital, now three months of am daycare so I can get to nicu).  basically I feel like I'm always neglecting someone.    ditto pp about celebrating their birthdays with baked goods or cards on isolettes.  it helps a bit. 

I don't feel like I've gotten "extra" time with my little one bc it's not as though we're hanging out gazing at each other and cooing.  for most of the stay it's been, well, you know, gazing at them through glass on a vent.  BUT  it has to end eventually I am planning to give him extra love to make up for all the "lost time." 

cheers,

BitterOldHag

mcdev:

Like you, I also had a toddler at home while Keira was in the NICU.  Claire was 18 months old when Keira was born and for the 90 days we traveled daily to and from the hospital I always felt like a failure.  I was either leaving Claire to see Keira or Keira to see Claire. I felt like I was always letting someone down.  It is so so hard.  This is all temporary though.  A year from now you will look back on these months and think "How the hell did I do it?!"  Hang in there and just do the best you can do considering the circumstances.

I felt exactly the same only I had a newborn at home and one in the NICU.  Those were horrible days.

NotJustAnAuntie

Yup. We were in for 91 days... I'll tell you though, now that he's 17 months old, I can't believe how short that time was in the scheme of things!

I take a picture of Max every Thursday and post it on my blog; sometimes I go back to the beginning ang watch him grow. I can't believe that I'm on Thursday #77, and only the first 13 of those were in the NICU! 13 is NOTHING! Those days dragged, to be sure, but now, they were only a moment in the big picture.

Hang in there! (((HUGS)))

Aidge

Yes, it's so hard and nothing you will ever feel prepared for.  But you are their mom and you are doing your best for them.  For me, and I know I might be in the minority here, I counted the day Sam came home as day one.  Not to say that the 7 weeks he was in in the NICU didn't count- it was just hard to bond and feel like his mom and a real parent.  So when he came home, it was easier for me to "begin again" and not dwell on the time I "lost" with him, kwim?  

ToledoDeux

*francisca*:

mcdev:

I always felt like a failure.  I was either leaving Claire to see Keira or Keira to see Claire. I felt like I was always letting someone down.

WOW you hit it on the nail with me how I feel these days... nice to know I'm not alone on that.

You are SO not alone on that.  This is my life right now as well...and it surely does suck.  My H keeps telling me that the obvious stress this causes me actually shows what a great mom I am.....and I try to believe him.