Question for a friend... — The Bump
Blended Families

Question for a friend...

A friend of mine has been legally separated from her husband for a year and 9 months. They are not legally divorced because he won't sign the papers.

Meanwhile, she has moved 5 hours away from him to live with her sister and he is living with a girl friend. They have two kids, and I think he keeps putting it off because he's not happy with the CS percentage and who knows what else. In this whole time, he has not paid her any CS.?

Is there a way she could make him sign them? I think it's been mentioned here, but I can't remember. Thanks for any info you can offer.

Re: Question for a friend...

  • She can take him to court.
    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
  • She needs to consult a lawyer in the state where the separation has been filed to see what her options are. ?If the CS and visitation has been set in the Separation Agreement, she might be able to just push the matter through to the final decree. ?

    She needs to be more hardcore about the CS. ?There is probably a state/county minimum that he would be expected to contribute, so she should push to have the amount garnished from his wages.?

    How lame! ?I never understand the footdragging. ?If you don't like the settlement or agreement, change it or fight it, but don't just let it hang.?

  • Ugh, I can't imagine waiting that long for my ex to sign divorce papers, I thought 6 months was bad! I know when I was getting divorced, that loser tried to refuse any offer we made him, and my lawyer had said at some point we'll just end up taking him to court if he won't be reasonable. It didn't get that far, but that's probably what your friend needs to do otherwise she'll be married to this guy forever! And he should start paying CS now because he's only going to owe her all that money later on.
  • I'm sure it varies state by state, but in Florida, you can file an injunction for emergency relief and get child support. It's specifically for women who don't have a CO in place, and they'll track down the noncustodial parent and start garnishing his/her wages. There may be something like that in the state where your friend lives.
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  • It's not the 1900's anymore.  He doesn't have to agree to the divorce.  She just needs to get a lawyer and go to court.  Even if he contests it, the Judge will still put it through.
  • She should have filed a temporary order for use while they sorted out the divorce details.  What an arse to not supporting his children for all of this time!!
  • Will he ever be happy w/the percentages? My ex was livid when he found out he would have to pay 500$/month and said it was unfair. I tried to remind him that I didn't even ask for 50% of everythign to be split, I told the judge that because I have him full time I will bear the majority of the costs. (it is easier than fighting over who pays for what) He only has to pay 36% of medical & school expenses. Anyways, he still isn't happy & hasn't paid anything to this day. So your friend needs to quit being nice & trying to negotiate with him & just go to court.  
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  • I know in my DH's case, he went into "default," (we were in another state, and he was never sent paperwork to sign) so EX proceeded to court without him, and obtained divorce. He never signed anything, and he still pays CS and all that fun stuff.

    If she needs the CS, she needs to go without him. He probably won't ever come around... 

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  • He doesn't need to agree to terms to get a divorce.  She can file, he can fight and the judge can decide the terms if they can't agree.  The states have guidelines and mechanisms that the judge will follow, it's that simple.  She needs to just file and get it over with.  Otherwise, she's looking at 18 years of waiting and not getting any child support at all.

  • I talked to her more about it today and she said that she has paid way more money than she'd like to for this whole thing. She said that in IL, there is a 2.5 year waiting period and then it can be finalized without the other party's consent. Not sure how it all works out, but she is going to talk to her lawyer soon about getting the CS.
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