In-law vent---probably too long for a friday morning!

ashdonne

Seems like I do this about once per week!  FIL has told us he wants to keep the baby when I go back to work because he is retired and MIL is not.  They only live about a few miles from us.  DH and I are not comfortable with him keeping a newborn as well as the fact that even when they keep our dog, they can not follow the instructions we give (we do not feed our boxer scraps or any people food and they are constantly giving him stuff under the table which teaches him to bed) so we feel like they would just go around us and do whatever they want with the baby.  So anyway we have both told them that we have found a facility we really like and are putting her there. 

Seems like this has fallen on deaf ears.  About 2 weeks ago MIL purchased a princess potty chair for Ryleigh to use at their house---which I thought was odd considering we have not even thought of getting one for her yet because she is not born yet and you don't potty train until about 2!  But whatever---then yesterday MIL and FIL purchase an actual crib at some garage sale for her for their house.  I am not trying to be a snob or anything but I really am not sure I am comfortable with some crib that we have no idea of the safety issues on etc.  Also I am getting the feeling that they are going to set up a whole room for her at their house and then maybe they think we will just concede to letting FIL keep her full time.  Not going to happen people! 

 Also FIL has told us that we "have" to get her ears pierced when she is a baby and DH and I have said no.  I think it is tacky and cruel to do to a baby.  She can pierce her ears when she is older and can clean them herself and it will be her decision (and our consent of course).  He has had the audacity to bring it up again twice after we have said no and we have to argue with him on it.  He is Native American and so he thinks we should do it because it is part of their culture but DH is less than half NA and does not identify with his tribe to that extent so he doesn't want it done.  Its not anything against the culture---just that it is our baby and our choice at this point and we don't want to do it. 

Why does it feel like I constantly have to go to battle on stuff with them?  I am terrified of what it will be like when she is born.

jennybeams

Stick to your guns.  Don't let anyone talk you into doing something to your baby that you don't want to do.  Also, I would research the crib before you put L/O in it.  They may just be setting it up for when you visit.  My MIL has a crib and we have zero plans of letting the baby stay overnight with her...it's just for the times we are there for several hours and the baby may be tired. 

epopp85

I'm sorry your having trouble dealing with them.  Maybe have DH sit down with them and really tell them how it's going to be.  No, you will not be leaving DD with them no matter how much stuff they buy so if they want to waste their money, that's on them.  No, you will not be piercing her ears as a baby and you don't want to hear another word about it.  That sort of thing.  It's not fun or easy, but sometimes that's just what it takes.

jdouglas84

Wow they sound exactly like my mom! For some reason she thinks that we'll be bringing the baby up to her house (which is an hour and a half away) to spend the weekends there. My brother and sister still live at home, there's no empty rooms, plus they have 3 large breed dogs. I've told her that weekends at gramma's are not gonna happen with all that in her house.

 I know it's stressful to keep repeating the same thing over and over, but in the end you and DH are going to do what is best for your baby. If anyone has a problem with the way you are doing something, oh well, let them get mad if they want. They will see in the end it's pointless to argue over this stuff. They've had their chance to raise kids, they shouldn't tell you how to raise yours.

avbliss

WOW! Sounds like your in-laws think this is their child. I would definitely be very strong with them and let them know that they can either get on board with respecting your decisions on how you are going to raise YOUR child, or they can only have supervised visits. As far as the crib goes I would do major research on it and make the in-laws buy one of those home lead testing kits to make sure it's safe. I mean come on, it's their grandchild, do they really want to risk her safety? With the ear piercing I can see both sides, but it is your child, your decision. I would just try to make sure FIL knows it's not that you don't respect his culture, nor that you don't want your child to know and appreciate her heritage, but that you don't feel it's appropriate for an infant to have pierced ears, and you want it to be something she chooses instead of being forced upon her. We're doing a blanket rule of no ear piercing till she is 12.

There's a good chapter on dealing respectfully with the in-laws and parents in "Babyproofing your Marriage", you make want to check it out.

SLHurst11

My parents have bought several things (swing, bouncer, crib, exersaucer, etc).  They know that they are not caring for the baby full-time, but they bought these things because they didn't want us to have to lug a bunch of stuff over every time we visit.  It could just be that your in-laws are preparing a space for visits, and not necessarily assuming they will be the daycare providers.  It will be nice to have a crib at Grandma and Grandpa's when you and SO want to spend a late night out.  Baby can have a few sleepovers here and there, you may enjoy it!