WDYT? re: the comment "my baby looks just like me?"

2bWednDec

I have read a few times that it's not appropriate to say or stress the fact that your adoptive child looks just like you.  The reasoning that is usually stated is that the child recognizes they are not biological and it can somewhat be hurtful.  Do you guys agree with this? 

2bWednDec

oh and the reason I ask is that EVERYONE always says our baby looks just like me or my hubby.  I'm never quite sure how to respond.  She's not even the same nationality but there is some resemblance.   

MsBlake

I don't personally find this bothersome at all. Yet again, I think this is something that depends on the child. It will bother some but it never bothered me in the least, still doesn't. And quite frankly, I do resemble my parents. 2 of my cousins and I look so much alike it is really kind of scary.

That said, no one other than strangers pointed this out. It was never "stressed" in the family or anything.

smash_effect

We get these comments often. Depending who says it, we respond with "Thanks!" or "we hear that a lot, though he's adopted." Usually with the 2nd response, we get in to an adoption conversation which is great. I'm not sure how we'll continue to handle is as he gets older...

2bWednDec

smash_effect:

We get these comments often. Depending who says it, we respond with "Thanks!" or "we hear that a lot, though he's adopted." Usually with the 2nd response, we get in to an adoption conversation which is great. I'm not sure how we'll continue to handle is as he gets older...

I am SO craving cake right now.  Cute pic!

2bWednDec

MsBlake:

I don't personally find this bothersome at all. Yet again, I think this is something that depends on the child. It will bother some but it never bothered me in the least, still doesn't. And quite frankly, I do resemble my parents. 2 of my cousins and I look so much alike it is really kind of scary.

That said, no one other than strangers pointed this out. It was never "stressed" in the family or anything.

Thanks so much for posting!  It's quite helpful getting input from someone whom experienced it as an adopted child.

PSU-NCBride

I don't think it is something we would stress in our family, but I do get quite a few comments about little man looking like me. The first time I was taken aback. It usually comes when people find out that we adopted him and then they can't believe it because I have pronounced cheeks and big eyes (like him).

I guess the way I look at it is since he is a different race (partly) a lot of people will notice his differences. I don't have a problem when people notice our similarities. It kind of just reinforces the fact that genetics really don't matter.?

Capricornbaby80

This is my first adoption journey, but my god-daughter lived with me for about 2 and a half years and I got lots of comments on how she looked so much like me, they just wouldn't believe that we weren't related. As we say here in Barbados 'the longer people are in close contact with each other, the more they begin to resemble each other'.

DougsBrideOct04

I am a lurker here, but I am adopted.  I heard this many times growing up and it always made me smile.  It never bothered me but actually made me happy that people thought I was biologically related to my family.  So, when someone says I look like my mom or dad it's a good thing.

kirstenw05

I agree Doug's Bride...perhaps its just where I am on my own journey, but I am getting weary of telling my story for the millionth time. Of course Reagan looks 0% like me, but she does resemble DH quite a bit, so I'm now just responding with a "Thank you!" or "We are blessed" etc.

Temp206787500007404

If it's family/friends making the comment, I would give them the side eye, since obviously they know your situation.  But if it's a stranger out and about, I would just smile and say thank you and move on.    Once your child is older, I'm sure they'll pipe up and answer themselves, but for now, there is no reason you should have to explain your adoption story to everyone who comments.

We've considered this with our kids, as we're probably going to get a lot of "wow, are they twins?" questions if they're similar in size -- and we're just going to either say yes (if it's a stranger) or have a quick answer that needs no additional explanation.  People seem to ask the dumbest questions when you're pregnant or have small children. 

orange1414

DougsBrideOct04:

I am a lurker here, but I am adopted.  I heard this many times growing up and it always made me smile.  It never bothered me but actually made me happy that people thought I was biologically related to my family.  So, when someone says I look like my mom or dad it's a good thing.

Ditto, this.

GBCK

my aunt and uncle always did the "she has her father's eyes" manuver when that happened...

that way they were still 'accepting' w/o getting into the details w/ strangers (especially w/ their foster kids, they were pretty sensitive to the fact that kids have some right to with-hold their story)...and complimenting dad (take your pick on which dad :-P)

lrrb

My adopted child is white soooo I guess she "looks" like me haha but besides the skin color...um no, she looks nothing like me. But my bio dd doesn't look a think like me either, in fact she has red hair....where the HECK did that come from?  Either way, if someone thought adopted child looked like me I would just say thanks and keep on moving but I wouldn't stress it to DD when she got older that she looked like us...bc um she doesn't but then again, neither does the other so we are all set!