Georgia Babies

odd situation, wwyd?

My mother is hospitalized with leukemia.  She has been in and out of ICU for months now trying to fight it.  Right now she is in better condition but is still hospitalized in the oncology unit because she can't keep her platelet levels up.  My mom has stated several times that when I go to labor she is going to walk out of the hospital to come be with the baby and I.  I really would like her to be there but not if it is going to cause her additional health problems.  Right now we are waiting to find a bone marrow donor and the situation is looking bleak.  I am seriously thinking about not telling her when I go into labor.  I don't want to hurt her feelings by doing this, but I also don't want her leaving the hospital and risking her health.  I am planning to give birth at a hospital different than the one she is at.  At this point in the game, I am not willing to change my hospital or doctor.

Should I tell her when I go into labor?

Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

Re: odd situation, wwyd?

  • IMO - you should tell your mom.  It is such an important moment and event.  Do you all have a flip video recorder?  If so and she can get a laptop where she is at, maybe you all can send video updates along the way. 
  • First of all, big prayers to your mom while she is battling this.  I hope they can find a donor match soon.  Any chance they will be able to use your LO's cordblood?  I know that is not usually enough for an adult transplant... but man, that would be such a precious gift!  I don't know what I would do about telling her... I think I would go have a conversation with her now and say that the last thing that you want is to be worried about her health when you are trying to deliver a baby.  That your DH will send constant updates and pictures via email and you will head straight to her hospital room as soon as they discharge you so that she can meet the little one.  If she still insists, I think I would give in.  My mom has told me that when it came down to my dad's leukemia and now my brothers, she knew that all decisions HAVE to be theirs or else there would be guilt and resentment on both sides of the fence. 

    image

    image

    image

    image

     


  • Loading the player...
  • I am so sorry to hear about your Mom and her leukemia - she's in my thoughts.  It's a definite tough, tough call to make, but I agree and think you should have an upfront conversation with your Mom. 

    My Mom also had leukemia and also in and out of the hospital due to infections, platlets, etc. and as you probably know first hand anything can get her sick and that's something you all probably want to avoid at all costs.  However, you really should have a heart to heart with her and weigh out all the pros and cons.  Even have a conversation with her doctor to see if he/she would even allow it - that may be the deciding factor. 

    Having lost both my parents, and not having them around for some important life events, you don't ever want to have any regrets in life.  For me that's just been a tough lesson to learn, even when they were both healthy, there are many regrets I have of things we didn't do or things I should have shared with them.  I'm sure there are creative ways for her to be a part of the arrival of your bundle of joys, like others have said sending constant updates or taping it and sending a special message just for her.

    Good luck in whatever decision you make - hugs!

  • What a tough situation; I'm so sorry that she and you are going through this and have to make this kind of decision! 

    Any chance you and she could both have laptops with webcameras installed so that she could stay where she is but watch/listen to your labor when you go to the hospital?  I know Skype is free and lets you do live streaming of video like that between people; just a thought.  Hope things go well for you on your day and that she can be a part of it somehow....

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Wow, I'm sorry you are even having to deal with this. IMO I would tell her. I know for my mom if she even thought there was a chance she might not be around for long. Being there for the birth of her granddaughter would mean the world to her and she would be heartbroken to miss it. Looking back on it you might regret not telling her too. 

    You guys are in my prayers, 

  • I am so sorry that your mom is having such a tough fight.  I hope that they can find a donor.  I feel this is your mom's choice.  I imagine a lot is out of her control and you taking this away will be very devastating to her.  Let her have a say in what she does and help give her some alternatives if she really isn't any better by the time you go into labor.  I can also imagine that not a lot of things are uplifting for her right now so don't take away this special time for her by not telling your mom.  Many prayers to you---I can't imagine what you are going through--this must be a very stressful and happy time for you.  I lost my mom to cancer years ago and she wasn't around for any of the special moments in my life--I know you will treasure this one (having a baby and having your mom there) for a long time!   
  • I would tell her.   Even if it put her at risk, I am sure she knows the consequences.   You can be clear on how you feel about her doing this, but ultimately its her decision.   You can discuss alternative options with her and her doctor.    But I would not recommend keeping anything from her.  

    I know you've had a lot of hard roads the last few months with your mom's illness and your family's insensitivity.    Hang in there.   I am thinking of you and I hope it gets better for you and your mom soon.   

  • imageMLvK:

    I would tell her.   Even if it put her at risk, I am sure she knows the consequences.   You can be clear on how you feel about her doing this, but ultimately its her decision.   You can discuss alternative options with her and her doctor.    But I would not recommend keeping anything from her.  

    I know you've had a lot of hard roads the last few months with your mom's illness and your family's insensitivity.    Hang in there.   I am thinking of you and I hope it gets better for you and your mom soon.   

     

    I couldn't have said this better myself. Sending lots of prayers your way and hoping things work out. 

  • I agree with the pp's, I would let her know.  It sounds like it is a really important moment for her.  Sorry you have to deal with all of this. : ( Your mom is in my prayers. 

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"