AP Question

sohappyforthem369

does this stop when your kid becomes a toddler? It seems we are AP our DS though I recently learned there is a term for what we've chose to do.

 I cannot wear him anymore. We did for awhile but he's 3 feet tall and 37.5 lbs.

How does AP evolve into toddlerhood? We are no longer bf, regretfully, we made it to 23mths, 2weeks. 

 Just curious. DS is very independant now and wants to do everything by himself.

 

TIA

sohappyforthem369

Of course I'll google this but what is gentle discipline?

moroccojade

ITA with Fred.

Gentle discipline is very important at this age.  It probably means different things to different people - but for us it means no spanking, no yelling (although I'm guilty of raising my voice now and then), no shaming, no time outs... Instead we use lots of encouragement, guidance, removing her from a situation that she's not handling well, setting her up for success by avoiding certain situations altogether, offering her a lot of choices, making boundaries clear, paying attention to her cues (hungry?  tired?), using time-ins,  ...

 Some would fear that this would create a little monster, but it's working great for us 95% of the time.  Not sure we can ask for anything better than that with a 2 year old. 

suzymarie

DS just turned 2 and stopped nursing around 22 months.  He no longer wants to be worn- he wants to walk everywhere.

 It is very different and I do feel more distant from him.  That is what is supposed to happen of course- we are supposed to give them a strong foundation of attachment and then let them spread their wings when they are ready.  But, it is really hard on me!

We cuddle and read books before bed, and for an hour before we wake up he comes into bed and cuddles with us.  When we are playing on the floor I try to sit him near me so I can put my arm around him.  In general though, unless he is sick he wants nothing to do with cuddles!

ErinMSB

moroccojade:

ITA with Fred.

Gentle discipline is very important at this age.  It probably means different things to different people - but for us it means no spanking, no yelling (although I'm guilty of raising my voice now and then), no shaming, no time outs... Instead we use lots of encouragement, guidance, removing her from a situation that she's not handling well, setting her up for success by avoiding certain situations altogether, offering her a lot of choices, making boundaries clear, paying attention to her cues (hungry?  tired?), using time-ins,  ...

 Some would fear that this would create a little monster, but it's working great for us 95% of the time.  Not sure we can ask for anything better than that with a 2 year old. 

This is new to me...  What's a "time-in?"  And how do you use it without a "time-out?"

sohappyforthem369

Thanks all. I appreciate your time. I think we're still AP according to these post.

moroccojade

ErinMSB:

moroccojade:

ITA with Fred.

Gentle discipline is very important at this age.  It probably means different things to different people - but for us it means no spanking, no yelling (although I'm guilty of raising my voice now and then), no shaming, no time outs... Instead we use lots of encouragement, guidance, removing her from a situation that she's not handling well, setting her up for success by avoiding certain situations altogether, offering her a lot of choices, making boundaries clear, paying attention to her cues (hungry?  tired?), using time-ins,  ...

 Some would fear that this would create a little monster, but it's working great for us 95% of the time.  Not sure we can ask for anything better than that with a 2 year old. 

This is new to me...  What's a "time-in?"  And how do you use it without a "time-out?"

I have a bit of a different understanding of time-ins that what Fred explained.

One of DD's biggest triggers to get whiny/cranky is when I get too busy/wrapped up in what I'm doing.  (ie, cooking, cleaning, trying to get some work done for my job.)  As soon as I see her get a teeeeeeeny bit antsy, I do a 'time-in'.  I drop what I'm doing and give her some hugs and read a quick book.  Or, I get her involved in what I'm doing.  (She's great in the kitchen.)  These gestures prevent a lot of crap around here! 

If a bad moment does come, I'd never separate her into a time-out.  It communicates to her "You're so awful and wretched I'm banishing you from my presence when you need me the most."  (learned that in a parenting class i attended and it stuck with me.)   If she gets really miserable, I take her out of the situation and we move to a different location.  Then I either talk her through it or distract her... 

 

Hippinski

fredalina:

i don't have a toddler, but here's my take.  AP is very intense for the first 9 months, somewhat less intense for the next couple of years, and then the premise is that attachment early will lead to independence later.  But some principles will continue, especially gentle discipline.  Some continue to bedshare or part-time bedshare later also. 

But to me, gentle discipline is the most important principle for older kids and AP.

This is so true!

I also want to say that I struggle more on how to parent effectively with my 6 yr old then I do with my 17 month old.  Gentle discipline is a huge part of it. But so is communication with your older child so that they will continue having those attachment bonds.  I am expecting this to be especially important during the teenage years.  I want to give him his independence but I also want him to feel comfortable to come to me and to be able to talk to me about anything.

moroccojade

fredalina:

I have a bit of a different understanding of time-ins that what Fred explained.

Totally!  And like i said, that's just what i know of the phrase from a foster parent discipline perpective, especially kids with attachment issues, so definitely not applicable in most of our cases.

I stole 'my' interpretation from the Happiest Toddler on the Block.  not a perfect book, but I did get a few gems out of it!