Hubby pissing me off

angel555

Please tell me that I'm not the only one who occasionally wants to smack their "D"H's upside the head. 

As I've posted earlier, DD is driving us crazy with her "I don't want to go to sleep" routine.  I'm a SAHM, so I get to deal with this for at least 10 hours a day that DH doesn't.  Add to this the fact that I had a rough pregnancy (as so many of us on here do), and had an unscheduled C-section, and so haven't had a decent night's sleep in over a year.  

DH had the balls to tell me he was "too tired" to help me last night.  Instead, he fell asleep on the couch, as he does most nights.  This is a pet peeve of mine, one that has gotten more irksome now that we have DD.  It means that to get his help at night, I first have to walk downstairs to get him off the couch.  Sometimes he wakes up the first time, other times I have to go down multiple times.  He does this because his whole family likes to fall asleep on the couch; he's done this his whole life. 

WHY can't he fall asleep in bed like a normal person?!?!?  

To make matters worse, we're both on edge because of DD's sleeping issues, and so the fight that started over him falling asleep on the couch again escalated all day, into a massive screaming, slamming doors fit.  (Yes, I know, not mature, but again, we're EXHAUSTED.)  

DH left the house 2 hours ago.  Leaving me to put DD down.  Who knows when he'll be back, if he'll be back tonight at all.  (He dressed for work tomorrow and took his work laptop with him.)

PLease give me advice.  We're not dealing well with the transition to being parents, obviously.  We had communication issues before that are worse now that we're both tired all the time.  Please tell me I'm not the only one having issues with DH. 

MarriedJackie

I can't chime in on the DH factor since mine has been out of the country for the past month, and works crazy shifts when he is home...but just wanted to give ((HUGS))

cabo_kate

You are not the only one. I want to kill my DH many days, and I just really think there are some men that don't get it. With my DH, I don't think he really grasped how much his life was going to change with a baby, and he's really having a hard time adjusting.

He was off work one Friday two weeks ago, and I asked him to take the baby for an hour so I could take a shower. He had the nerve to respond "but it's my day off!", which led to a screaming fit from me.

I'm sorry you're going through that... I hope he comes around. But you are NOT alone! It's good to hear that other women are dealing with this too. 

Ambeerose

No you're not the only one with DH issues, my DH just wants me to take care of DS all the time since I SAH. He is your son too thanks!...altho I'm sorry you have to have them especially with the lack of sleep (which always makes things worse!) What have you tried w/DD to get her to sleep? I'm no expert only thought someone might have an idea to help...I hope things turn around for the better soon!

Ambeerose

cabo_kate:

He was off work one Friday two weeks ago, and I asked him to take the baby for an hour so I could take a shower. He had the nerve to respond "but it's my day off!", which led to a screaming fit from me.

UGH! This exactly!! DH has said this to me b4 and I was pissed...I've come to realize my relationship w/DS is different than DH's and I'm not sure I can change that...DH wants him to be walking and talking tomorrow...but there is a stage called infancy that lasts about 1 year that we HAVE to go thru SORRY DH!

katie_cj

We've had some very rough time as a couple.  However, when it comes to Jacob, FI is amazing.

It's our communication and time with each other that has suffered.  We've talked things through a lot, and realized that FI was missing out on some "me" time, I had swim practice, but he didn't have anything.  We are trying something new out where FI gets Tuesday nights to go see a cheapnight movie, hang out with friends or watever he wants.  Also, we are scheduling date nights without Jacob, our relationship is important.

I can't even imagine the stress of exhaustion though, Jacob sleeps well, and we are still struggling.  If your having trouble communicating, it might help to go see a counselor.  Or honestly, schedule time to sit down and talk about a couple of the bigger issues, that made a huge difference for us.

GL!

angel555

Ambeerose:

I've come to realize my relationship w/DS is different than DH's and I'm not sure I can change that...DH wants him to be walking and talking tomorrow...but there is a stage called infancy that lasts about 1 year that we HAVE to go thru SORRY DH!

Yup, this is also part of our problem.  Sometimes when I ask DH to watch DD, he lays down against the couch with his knees bent up, props her up against them, and watches TV.  That is NOT watching her, IMHO.  I've had to repeatedly explain what I mean by "watching":  as in, INTERACTING WITH HER.  He's like, what should I do?  It's taken me three months to get to the point with him that he actually sings/plays, etc. with her most times.  Sometimes he still does the propping thing, but at least it's not all the time.  

Why are men clueless?  Sometimes I wish we could all live in communes with a bunch of women--that way we'd all take turns watching the kids and give other women some time to themselves.  And we wouldn't have to worry that the women watching the kids was too busy watching football to pay attention to them.  And we wouldn't have to worry about the women dozing off and not hearing the babies crying. . .  *sigh*

Chrisy-Wyobride

I am so sorry...it is SUPER hard when you have a more challenging baby.  A lot of people have no clue how hard it can be--I do because I've had both challenging & easy & there is a world of difference.  Hang in there--you guys just need to face it together & I really hope he steps up to the plate.  If he's down on the couch, bring your DD down to him & go back upstairs leaving her w/ him.  Sometimes you just have to force them to take some of the responsibility--I know w/ my horribly colicky baby (DD#2) I had to do that to my DH (I handed her to him the minute he walked in the door from work because she had already been crying over 2-3 hours by that time) & eventually he really felt like I needed him (vs. before I just handled it all) & grew very bonded to that DD & is to this day.  If your DH gets up & leaves--call him & tell him you & your baby need him & it's his responsiblity to do his fair share.  Anyway--hope you guys get it worked out--the new parenthood thing is a really hard adjustment.  ::hugs:: 

Yvonne2

I completely understand.  My DH doesn't help at night and it's really frustrating to hear him snoring while S and I battle to get her to sleep.

 

But I want to touch on the fact that he left.  That should not be acceptable.  I get ya'll are tired.  But that's bullshiit.  You are a team in this, or at least you should be.  And worse than him not helping at night, is him leaving so that he's not even around.  I, personally, would not tolerate that.  And I tolerate quite a bit.

superisa00

We're going through this same thing right now. I feel that DH does not understand what all I do and what needs done. Even when I tell him I still don't think he gets it. This leads me to be very on edge and when the tiniest thing happens it turns into a fight. We've been discussing seeing a counselor before it gets bad. Our situation is a little different in that we both work, but DH also goes to school in the evenings. Neither of us get a break, but he still spends a couple hours in the evenings on the internet while I'm running around packing the diaper bag, doing laundry, washing bottles, bathing DS, etc.