1st post on this board...this isn't even fun

Nov07

Hi Ladies,

I had a miscarriage in March and initially my husband and I said we'd try again in August. Well, we didn't because we just moved into a new house and there were a lot of home improvement projects spoiling the mood (hello leaking roof). I talked with my hubby about trying again, and he said he didn't want to for another year because of the bigger bills, home improvements, yada yada yada.

Waiting a year to try again seemed logical, so I didn't push the matter, but as soon as September hit (the would be due month) I started getting really emotional about the loss again. The more I talked to other women who have been through a loss the more I heard that you start to feel better once you start TTC again. I talked to my husband about it, and he seemed to understand that TTC again would help me heal, so we are trying again, I guess. It definitely seems like sex has to be initiated by me though. On top of it, I don't feel like I am enjoying trying like I did before the first pregnancy. Maybe its because somewhere inside I am worried about having another loss. Maybe it's because I feel like my husband isn't into it. I don't know. Has anyone else felt this way? I don't even feel like trying if it isn't going to be fun.

-Amanda?

suntoto@gmail.com

I am sorry about your loss.  This board is welcoming and will support you in what ever you decide to do. 

IMHO, you need to find a balance and do what feels good to you.   If you stress it won't help you out.  Maybe you should have a heart to heart with your husband about this.  That might help.  GL!

PeetiePie

Hi Amanda.  I'm sorry to hear about your loss.  I think we've all gone through ups and downs after m/c.  I hope you and your DH can get on the same page and have a good talk about trying again.  There's always goign to be something that will make you think you should wait, but IMO (especially having 2 losses now) it's better to just go for it.  Things will work themselves out. 

You'll find support here whenever you need to vent or have a question.  These ladies are awesome!

candycane3t

Hi Amanda, I'm Toni, and first off let me say how sorry I am for your m/c.  We are all right there with you or have experienced those emotions before.  Trust me baby making used to be fun and now it's all scheduled which kind of puts a damper on the mood. 

I do want to say that this board of fine ladies will be here to give you support in return for your support.  We do share all kinds of issues, worries, pain, anger but we do also have lots of fun which helps make the time go by when waiting to O, 2WW and testing or AF. 

I hope you stay is short here and you end up with a sticky baby real soon, until then have some fun with us.

texas77

hi and sorry for your loss, this is a sucky club to join.  i mean we are wonderful women but with a sucky situation. 

well only you will know what's best for you in regards to ttc.  but since you asked for people's opinions then i will give mine. 

i don't think that ttc just to make you feel better about your loss is a good idea.  and if your husband thinks it's better to wait a year due to bills and whatever then it's hard to expect him to be into ttc when he isn't ready.  you don't want him to become resentful of the fact that you wouldn't wait until he was ready.  i think another talk with him is a good idea and ttc when you both feel comfortable with it. 

GL

bostonfingerlakes07

I am so sorry for your loss.

I agree with others that trying again and getting pregnant again might not be the best way to help you move on.  I think there is a lot that needs to be worked through first...but I also believe that only YOU know what is right for you.

As far as your DH, I really hope you can be on the same page.  You both need to be ready.  Maybe it's not even bills that are holding him back...maybe he's just scared and doesn't want to go through the pain again (and see you hurting so much too).  I hope you two can talk more and get to the bottom of it.

That being said, no matter what you decide, we hope you stick around and have some fun with us!  We are a good group and are here to listen and laugh with.

MrsMoher

I am sorry to hear about your loss!  I know for me that trying again is almost depressing... primarily because I shouldn't have to be trying... I should be pg right now.  I think it natural to feel that way.

And no time is ever going to be perfect to have a kid.  Ever.

cintim

I am very sorry for your loss... I understand how the EDD coming up can bring the emotions back. I think that's normal. But, like most said, ttcing again won't make you feel better. It can actually make it more stressful, especially if you don't get your BFP right away.

As for your DH, I again agree that you really need to talk to your DH again. Explain further where your coming from and ask him if it's really finances that's holding him back. If he's stressed, it's going to make you stressed. And TTCing is stressful enough. I'm sure you both can come to some sort of compromise.

Good luck in whatever you both decide. This is a great board, glad you found it!

ColindaP

I think we all understand those feelings. I'm in much the same boat as you, I had a mc in feb, we just bought a new house taht needs tons of work....it is really stressful.