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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
hudband adjusting
My hubs said last night that he doesn't like having a kid. He is still sad about leaving behind his old life. DD hasn't been an easy baby but she is wonderful. Anyone have a similar situation? Are there things I can do to help or just keep going and let him work it out?
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Re: hudband adjusting
I think it is normal to miss your old life at times in terms of freedom, spontaneity, money, etc. I know I do now and then. Has he truly "left" his old life? Does he ever get any alone time? time w/ friends? time alone w/ you? I think all three of those are important for moms and dads. But regardless - to actually dislike having a child -I think that is extreme.
Does he have a good relationship w/ his own father? Maybe he feels insecure about how to be a good father? Does he work a lot? Maybe he is stressed about money and does not get enough time (or put in enough effort) to bond w/ DD? Could he be depressed? Has your marriage changed for the worse since DD?
Do you think he has a right to be unhappy at all or do you think he is being immature/selfish? Only you know what his life is actually like. Regardless of what the issue may be, he needs to talk to you more about this. And maybe someone like his own mother or father could help too.
You do not want your DD to grow up sensing resentment from her father. And you don't want your DH to miss out on having a great relationship w/ his DD.
DH has had a difficult time as well. Our first year was hard...two hospitalizations (one-dehydration from fever, one for RSV), multiple illnesses, sleepless nights from ear infection pain, tubes, colic. DH has said a couple of times that we will not have another baby. But then he doesn't want to part with any of her baby stuff.
I make sure he still gets time to hunt and fish and get out with his friends. We get a sitter every now and then and go out. and a couple of times this summer, we have gone to my parents summer home up north and let him stay home for some man time. It is working well for the most part.
I could have written your post exactly! It wasn't until our son was in "daddy mode" and wanted him for everything that DH actually "fell in love" with our son. It was honestly the hardest time of my life because I was almost expecting him to just walk out one day. Perhaps I didn't give him the benefit of the doubt on that, but still. I would take our son up to my parents for the weekend and when we got back home sunday night, DH actually said he was upset that we were back. I've never felt more hurt or deflated.
With that said, things have gotten better. DS goes to sleep most nights at 7pm like clockwork, so that leaves us with plenty of time to be together or do our own thing. We're pretty lucky on that front. I WOULD love for him to take some weekend mornings every now and then, but for the entire 15 months, with maybe one exception while I was sick, it's been me. One thing at a time right?
I wish you the best, and hope it works out soon for you. Definitely agree with other posters about getting out and about too. It helps.
Thanks. These are good things to think about.
He spends a lot of time with dd. Very involved. Lots of time to bond with her adn she adores him.
Our marriage isn't the same - but it's not bad. I'm working on being more loving and trying to get the old spice back. It's more of a partnership sometimes now. Comfortable, but not as spicey.
He hasn't actually given up much - but I guess he means the freedom to get up adn go adn do whatever. we stick to dd's nap schedules because she hasn't been a great sleeper.
I'll talk to him more about what he has lost adn what we can get back.