Negative Comments?

meghans30

Do any of you recieve negative comments due to your choice to adopt? I've mentioned our desire to a few friends. One friend mentioned that many children who come up for adoption have "issues" another can not fathom why I would want anymore children (this is a separate issue. She does not have children and can not imagine having to give up her single life). How do you respond to people who react negativly?  My thought is whether biological or not there is always a chance a child could have learning or physical handicaps. My own son has had medical and learning issues. It is a risk I am willing to take. I've even considered adopting a child with a special need. I just would like to give a child a chance a at life they may not have otherwise. Thoughts?

Dr.Loretta

I guess it depends on how well you know these people and whether you waant to go snarky, humorous, or try to educate them.

 

cindynscott

I am fostering to adopt and most people say "i could never do that" and proceed to tell me all the horror stories which is usually all they can remember.   Most of the negative comments came from people that didnt know me or my husband who had no problems having children of their  own it was hard for them to understand (everyone's reasons for foster/adopt are different) but for us this is what we want for us. When people make negative comments I usually say "Well its what's we want and what best for us" and that it, I end it.  If I listen to what everyone had to say about our process I would go crazy...when we went thru fertility tx for 3 yrs people said the craziest things you wouldnt believe. Good luck with whatever is right for you and try to walk away from the negativity because its always around. You will be doing something wonderful for you and a child who needs you.

Luvadoptedkids

We've adopted three times and all three times because we were adopting with very open relationships with the birth parents, heard many peoples concerns.  We just knew that it was right for us and refused to allow their comments to move us.  Now, everyone knows we made the right choice.  Our children are wonderful and VERY much loved.  But...now that we are waiting to do an embryo adoption, the very same people are again voicing concern.  It never fails! When it comes to building our family, people get fearful and very opinionated.  We just have to focus on what the Lord has for us and not listen to what others fear.  So far... the Lord has NEVER let us down and our babies have been the biggest blessings in our lives.  Don't listen to what others fear... go with what your heart is telling you.

Our blog

https://waringembryoadoptionjourney.blogspot.com/

 

jacksjerseygirl

Your friend(s) are ignorant and I don't think they would remain my friends. No offense. Anyone who offers such negativity over something they are clearly not educated about doesn't sound like a very bright person. 

Yes it is true that in older child adoptions there can be attachment, bonding, emotional, medical, physical and/or mental concerns/disabilities/issues.

I don't know if you are considering FA (foster adopt) or IA. But if you are DA a baby than those things are less likely or just as likely as with a biological child depending on what criteria you provide the agency for matching with an expectant mother, or unless you have made the choice to adopt a baby that may be born or has been born with medical isssues. 

I tend to be pretty vocal with people who come across my path IRL that spew ignorance or myths about adoption. We did not encounter this with any of our friends or family. There was a lot of curiosity but not presumptive comments. 

If someone were attacking my choices when it comes to adoption (race, medical conditions, etc) I would be just as vocal or if friends - they probably wouldn't remain my friends.  

lrrb

I get this all the time.  I use it as a chance to educate people about adoption.  I ALWAYS make sure to ask them?while you were pregnant did you know for SURE you were going to end up with a perfectly healthy ?normal? child.  And the answer is ALWAYS no.  Then that helps them put it into perspective.  And when someone says they don?t think they could love someone else?s child tell them you don?t look at it as someone else?s child.  You look at it as YOUR child and you hope that they too will treat the baby accordingly. 

I also say to a lot of people?we are human we were created to LOVE and if people would just take a few moments to think about that they might really start to open up and realize that blood doesn?t equal family, love equals family.  Tell them if they want to build their family by blood then great, but you want to build your family with love.  And that will shut them up really fast!  

GL sweetie! 

Art Teacher

lrrb:

I get this all the time.  I use it as a chance to educate people about adoption.  I ALWAYS make sure to ask them?while you were pregnant did you know for SURE you were going to end up with a perfectly healthy ?normal? child.  And the answer is ALWAYS no.  Then that helps them put it into perspective.  And when someone says they don?t think they could love someone else?s child tell them you don?t look at it as someone else?s child.  You look at it as YOUR child and you hope that they too will treat the baby accordingly. 

I also say to a lot of people?we are human we were created to LOVE and if people would just take a few moments to think about that they might really start to open up and realize that blood doesn?t equal family, love equals family.  Tell them if they want to build their family by blood then great, but you want to build your family with love.  And that will shut them up really fast!  

GL sweetie! 

I love what you said...that you want to build your family with love. 

Love the pictures of your daughter, too.

meghans30

jacksjerseygirl:

Your friend(s) are ignorant and I don't think they would remain my friends. No offense. Anyone who offers such negativity over something they are clearly not educated about doesn't sound like a very bright person. 

Yes it is true that in older child adoptions there can be attachment, bonding, emotional, medical, physical and/or mental concerns/disabilities/issues.

I don't know if you are considering FA (foster adopt) or IA. But if you are DA a baby than those things are less likely or just as likely as with a biological child depending on what criteria you provide the agency for matching with an expectant mother, or unless you have made the choice to adopt a baby that may be born or has been born with medical issues. 

I tend to be pretty vocal with people who come across my path IRL that spew ignorance or myths about adoption. We did not encounter this with any of our friends or family. There was a lot of curiosity but not presumptive comments. 

If someone were attacking my choices when it comes to adoption (race, medical conditions, etc) I would be just as vocal or if friends - they probably wouldn't remain my friends.  

This is exactly how I feel. I received excellent prenatal care with both my boys, but this did not stop my oldest DS being dx with a potentially life threatening blood disorder @ 7 weeks. He also struggles with fin motor skills, attention issues, and was dx with severe Apraxia of speech. If my adopted child faced such issues, I would react the same way I have in the past - get my child the best help I can. It is a none issue for me.

stubborngirl

I have had people ask me if I am afraid of the risks, of not knowing the genetic background of the child, etc. I tell them that parenthood is always a risk, my brother had a child with a genetic condition that no one in my family knew we had the gene for - you can never know what will happen. And the most important things I have to give to my children are not my genes - they are love, experiences, and knowledge.

GLynn2009

I had one coworker who said that adoption was not fair to my bio kids because they would have to share my estate with the adopted child.??? OK!! I am not sure were that came from, but she is the one who disowned her son and does everything for her DD and her children.

Other want to know about the drug exposure and I explain that I could have a child and although they would not be drug exposed they could have other issues. We will deal with whatever comes our way.