I can't get over this...

ladylaurali25

I had navigated away from this site for awhile because I had been feeling better and didn't feel I needed the support from this site as much. But now I am growing closer to what my due date would have been (oct 23) and am feeling emotionally drained.

First I have been fighting on and off with my mother for the past 5 months. Long story short--it was over negative things she said about me behind my back. (for ex that I needed to get over my MC, I needed to go on meds because I was hormonally imbalanced, she was just done listening to me be upset) She denies saying such things, but I don't know what to think. I want to believe her but I don't feel she has been very supportive of my feelings or of me for that matter. As of now, we are not speaking. I can't pretend to just be happy and she is "tired of my attitude."

Second, I just found out my little sister is pregnant. As happy as I am for her and her husband, I am still saddened by my loss. I feel selfish and guilty for feeling sad for myself. But I don't think that they  (my sister and my moter ) will understand me now as they  didn't even understand how I felt when I lost my child. I don't know what to do.

Does anyone have any advice?

JaimieLee

Don't under-estimate how much help these ladies can give you.  I did at first.  Now, if I didn't have anonymous internet friends to talk to I dont know what the hell I would do.  Just do what you need to do to feel better.  A m/c is a crazy, crazy thing and it is one of those things that can tear a person up if they dont have the right people to talk to.  So do what is best for you - no matter what.   Good luck - and things will get better for you

maurisa74

I am in the same situation as you. I've miscarried twice and had a stillbirth baby at 28 weeks gestation. My anniversary of my still birth is September 9th. My little sister has a 4 year old and her second daughter is due September 22nd. It is hard for me to watch my sister have her second child while I struggle to have my first. For me I try to just focus on the happiness of being an aunt again. I don't talk to my mom or my sister about how I feel. I realize that it is pointless because they will take it personal if I say anything about it being difficult for me that she is having another baby. I am just trying my best to live day by day and think about trying a third time to have a baby. 

Good luck and I do feel for you. 

texas77

dude, that really sucks.  i'm sorry to hear that.  they are potentially the two most important women in your life and they can't support you. 

why can't they just listen to you about your feelings on the m/c?  it doesn't cost anything for them and they would be helping you to heal.  don't you listen to their BS?  sorry, but i feel strongly about this kind of stuff.  i think we should support our family memebers, provided they are horrible awful people.  i have some of those in my fam and i just don't talk to them. 

is there any other woman that you are close to and can share your feelings and vent to? 

summerbee1

I'm really sorry you are going through this. You know that the ladies here are always willing to listen and offer support, so I think you should always feel welcome here.

I have been going through something similar. I live very far away from my family, so DH's family has been very important to me since I moved here 4 years ago. However, my MIL has made some very nasty remarks in the last month that made me stop talking to her (we talked everyday before that). My SIL also just had a baby and I have similar feelings toward her. I am happy for her, but I am still very sad about our loss.

I wish I had good advice, being in a similar situation, but unfortunately I do not. I have just been avoiding DH's family as much as possible, and even screening calls. I know that someday I will get over these feelings toward his family, I'm just not sure when. At this point, I am still healing from our loss and I just can't have people around me who are not 100% supportive, which pretty much leaves me with DH and 1 or 2 close friends.

I think maybe you still need some time. Do you have anyone else who you can lean on? I have found this site to be a source of strength and really don't know what I would have done without it. I am sorry you are going through this, when people don't understand, it just makes the pain that much worse. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

dandrea

I have found that unless people have been through a miscarriage it is very hard for them to be 100% supportive.  I don't think they understand the up and down emotions.  Some days are easy and the next is hard.  I don't think they try to be insensitive, they just don't know the feelings that you are going through...at least that is how I feel in my own life. 

Use this board or friends that have had similar issues, because we know the feelings and emotions that go along with all of this.  I hope you feel better soon!

epona3

I have found these boards to be infinitely more supportive than anyone else in my life.  I actually never even told my mom (or anyone, except DH and my two BFFs) b/c I was afraid she wouldn't be as supportive as I needed her to be.  She's had two m/c herself, but she has a way of "sticking her foot in it" when I really need her to be kind.  (Like when she told me that maybe the reason we weren't getting pg was b/c we don't go to church enough...)

I think maybe taking a break from talking to your mom would be a good thing for a little while.  Maybe you can reconcile when you're in a better place emotionally, and in a more forgiving mindset.

Doesn't it suck how m/c can effect so much of our lives?