Well, it's official. . .

grr_aargh

There's a really good chance I'm going to pass my due date without being pregnant.

I guess I was prepared for that in a way. I wasn't prepared to pass my due date having *been* pregnant again and losing that baby too.

The countdown is on for my sister to welcome her beautiful twins and I'm trying so hard not to be sad.  I'm over the moon delighted for her, but it just hurts so much.  SO much.

Sigh.  DH doesn't get a BFP for his birthday.  He probably won't even get sex.  Poor guy.

Grayhouse

OH, hun! I'm so sorry. I really hope this next one will be the cycle for you.

Kelly0615

So sorry about CD 1....sucks.

Scout05

Oh honey, I'm so, so, so sorry. I know you're happy for your sister, but how can that not just rip your heart out? I just wish none of us had to feel this way. (Hugs)

grr_aargh

Thanks guys.  I'm just getting ready for church where I will go teach the littles their Children's Church lesson and sit next to a woman with a 3 week old. 

The first AF after a m/c is so hard.  SO hard.  All of my rational self said "It probably won't happen this month, your body needs to clean out and you need to let it and and and. . . " but still.  STILL.  When that bleeding starts, it's like a big ole "Remember how you're not pregnant because your baby died?  Still not pregnant." FU.

I'll be fine in a few days.  Or at least then I'll be angry.  For now, I'm just deeply sad and seem to be surrounded with people whose family looks like I want mine to look, you know?  When you want madly to have your first baby, it's all baby bumps and shiny nursing moms of newborns.  For me?  It's all women with 3 complaining about how hard their third baby is -- you know, the one I desparately want.  Or moms of fewer who are also complaining about how hard newborns or pregnancy or what have you.  I mean, I know you all get it. You do.  And really so very few of the people I know get it.  I only know a few people who have had multiple miscarriages.

 I'll stop whinging.  It's annoying.

Scout05

grr_aargh:

 I'll stop whinging.  It's annoying.

You are NOT whining, you are grieving. That's what we're here for. Please don't be hard on yourself for expressing what everyone here is feeling as well. I don't let anyone call my TTCALers annoying. Not even themselves.

grr_aargh

You guys are a tough board. 

I like it.

lil_rhody

I'm so sorry you're having a hard day. My first EDD was a really rough day for me too. Make sure you take some time for yourself.

travers081906

sweetie i'm so sorry  =(

lax15bsu

I'm sorry... I know it hurts. :::big hugs:::

MsPeay

Oh honey I am so sorry, I hope that you will get your BFP soon!