Question about intimacy with dh

Seamonkey88

Hello ladies...

Ever since finding out we had lost our pregnancy to either MC or CP 2 weeks ago I have "withdrawn" from getting intimate with dh. Its not only with sex which Im hesitant about due to cramps and such, but I get nervous and not really interested in cuddling, kissing or anything...

 I feel as though Ive created a "safe bubble" around myself that Im afraid to change. Has anyone else experienced these feeling or this stage? DH has been really understanding and not pushing me to try anything Im not ready for, but I dont want to be afraid of being intimate with him forever.

 Any help or advice or words would be great! Thanks : )

shall923

The first time DH and I were intimate after m/c I cried.  I don't mean a few tears I mean uncontrollably.  I don't even know why it was just very emotional for me.  I tried to hide it at first because I felt so stupid but that was hard to hide.  I guess this isn't the same as what you are experiencing but I think the emotion involved is probably what is keeping you from wanting intimacy and what made me cry.  You are lucky to have someone that isn't pushing you.  I think you will want to be with DH again you just need time. 

Don't know if this helps but GL.

roxyttandme

I personally haven't felt this way... but, I say as long as you guys are pulling apart... then do what you feel you need to do. I have always felt that it is a bit harder on the woman than the man. Just give yourself time.,,

GL and I am sorry for your loss...

*kendrick*

I am so sorry for your loss.

The first time we made love after the MC I was terrified. It was really emotional and physically I was just nervous. Actually doing it wasn't great for me physically satisfying by any means, but emotionally it ended up being a HUGE step toward healing. Also, my cramps abated a bit afterward. I don't know if that was coincidence or not.

While I understand the need to grieve in a way that feels right, I genuinely think that sharing your grief with DH rather than walling yourself off is a healthier strategy. That doesn't necessarily mean sex, but it does mean letting him in with hugs, telling him what you are nervous about, etc. (even in a moment of intimacy if it gets that far).

Your knowledge that you don't want to feel this way forever is a great healing step. Give it time, keep communicating with your DH, and keep being honest about your feelings. You'll get there.

hopingwaiting

I wept afterwards the first time we had sex after the m/c, even though I enjoyed myself.  I think it was that the act was the act of making a baby but mine was gone.  It gets better with time.  Sorry for your loss.

kjpam

After the first m/c I did cry a bit after d/h and I were intimate.  It was emotionally difficult.  We had both missed not being able to be together because of the m/c and yet it was still so bittersweet.  I wanted nothing more than to be with him and yet it was sad for me because it reminded me of the love between us that had created a beautiful baby that was now in heaven.  I am sure this time will be similiar for me emotionally.  My d/h and I were just discussing this evening how much we miss each other right now.  So for now we just cuddle and kiss and stuff.

Seamonkey88

Thank you all for your advice and sharing your experiences. I am so thankful to have the husband that I do who is allowing me to talk about anything and everything with him and is letting me take my time with everything. I just needed to hear that I wasnt crazy or way out there with my emotions towards intimacy. We are taking it slow and trying one thing at a time