Thank you to everyone who responded to my post re:CPC yesterday. I am feeling a lot better about my baby's helath.
Now, I have an issue with my in laws. They are giving us a beautiful crib they used for thier granddaughter, a dresser, car seat, and a ton of other much needed baby items. They live on the East Coast and will be shipping everything. Here is the catch, they won't get it to us until after the baby is born. They don't believe that you should buy anything until after the baby is born and all is ok. I am a planner and want to have the nursery set up before the baby gets here. My DH backs me up completely but his parents won't listen to him either. My boss is throwing me a baby shower and I mentioned this to my MIL. She begged me to ask my boss to have it after the baby is born. I explained that many people have baby showers before the birth and that is actually the norm here. I also told her that I WANT the shower before so that I will have some things for the baby.
I am stressing because I want things ready, I know I can't even take my baby out of the hospital without a car seat, not that I would even try! I don't want them showing up with everything and staying at our place when the baby is only a few days old. I hope that will be a time for me, DH and baby to bond as a family.
So, what should I do? Any advice welcome!
Re: Need advice on in laws superstitions re: baby stuff
Well, you'll have to tell them to throw the carseat away... Most (I don't know of anything that don't, actually) hospitals inspect that your carseat is properly installed before you can take the baby home.
Tell them that you appreciate the offer, but would really like the things here BEFORE the baby comes as you'll have enough to do afterward... like... raising their grandchild.?
Are they Jewish? I only ask because I know that is a Jewish tradition - I have never heard of anyone else saying this.
We are superstitious too... but not to that extent. Not having everything ready before coming home sounds a little nerve racking to me. Sorry no advice - just input.
Be clear and straight forward with them. Tell them you appreciate the stuff, but there are certain things you will be getting before the baby is born (car seat, crib, whatever you feel you need early) And be prepared to buy it for yourself.
As far as the baby shower goes, just tell her you want it and are letting her throw you one. End of discussion.
DH and I have all ready made it very clear that no one is to come over for at least several days (or until we call and invite them to come). It will be just us and baby when we get home. Discuss it with your DH and TELL THEM NOW.
Be clear and put your foot down, its your family not your IL's.
Yes, they are Jewish but I am not and DH is not practicing and baby will not be.
This! Our families think we're taking having a baby very non-chalantly... we're by no means not doing important stuff, it's just that we're not open with the details. I know the hot-button issues on both sides and we don't discuss those topics.
If you want your nursery set up before the baby gets here, by all means, buy the stuff yourself and politely decline the gesture from your ILs. Don't stress yourself out over 'not being ready' - it's not worth it.
Don't hope, make certain. DH and I have already discussed this and made our decision. This will be our time and family and friends will be made to wait.
On the topic of their gifts, amazingly nice of them to offer and you clearly noticed that as well. Next step, they refused to listen to your DH about wanting it before baby, well then kindly decline specific items saying you truly feel the need to have the basics ready and maybe just for peacekeeping appologize that you'll be missing out on said items. Either add to the registry or else buy them yourselves and have them set up.
I couldn't wait for my crib set up and car seat. The other things maybe (dresser might get tough depending on when they plan on getting it to you) could wait but I totally understand the planner in you! I want the nursery done asap just because it makes me feel more prepared (not to mention the distraction it gives me right now
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If I was in your shoes, I would have your husband let them know that while the two of you respect their beliefs, you do not share them. For your own piece of mind, you need to have the basics.
Then go out and buy the basics yourself. The carseat is top on the list. It must be installed and inspected before you go to the hospital. Buy your own crib. Or, if you had planned on the baby sleeping in a basinet in your room, buy the basinet and let them ship the crib. Between the shower your boos has offered and your own shopping, get the basic layette, bathing supplies, etc.
Paint the nursery. Buy the glider if you had planned on it. Buy the bedding.
All the other stuff they offered can arrive after. The baby doesn't need a dresser in the first two weeks of it's life. Ditto on stuff like a bouncer if the grandparents are sending that stuff. They can come a couple weeks after the baby is born with the extra stuff. My mother didn't have a swing or a bouncer for me and she survived!
It's also a bit of the "old school" mentality I think. My parents and their generation (all off the boat) didn't do it either. My mother will go to a shower and buy a gift out of social obligation, but when my sister-in-laws were pregnant, she wouldn't have anything to do with throwing the shower.
But if you absolutely need to the furnture before the baby arrives and they won't budge. I'd say you'll have to buy your own. Perhaps you can comprimise on just the car seat for now??