surprise shower, bf a no show, vent
maureenpoland
member
My sister hosted a baby shower for me yesterday, it was a supposed to be a suprise, but she told me about it on Saturday. Yesterday was also my BF's 26th birthday. My sister sent out invites for the shower 6 weeks ago, and my BF was one of the last ones to RSVP (she had to be tracked down by my sister a few days before). She told my sister that her and her mother would only be able to stop by at the start of the shower for about an hour. So my sister rearranged how she had stuff planned out so that they would be there for the gift opening. We held off for an extra 20 minutes after the start of the shower, but they didnt show! I know it was her birthday, but it wasn't a really significant birthday, and I see her everyday on our way to work, and she never mentioned having big plans for her birthday. Ive been best friends with her since I was 8, and she sometimes does weird things like this, but this is the worst thing so far. So I avoided her on the train thismorning, as I was still bitter over it. Maybe ill see her tonite, or tomorrow to find out her side of the story, but chances are she will carry on like nothing even happened (as that is what she usually does)
am I being overly hormonal or selfish here?
Re: surprise shower, bf a no show, vent
I'd be pissed, I have friends like this too. There priorities seem out of whack to me, when we got married in February I really got to see the true colors of my friends. Its kinda sad, but I don't have the heart to cut them out of my life after 20+ years of friendship.
I have no great advice, other than to reassure you that you are not being hormonal (in my hormonal opinion...lol)
weird that she didn't show up or call!
do you think she was upset that maybe you didn't wish her a happy birthday?
I'd be pissed. I just don't get people that do that kind of stuff. I'm pissed at one of my "so called" best friends. I doubt we'll be speaking after she didn't come to my shower, didn't give my other gf's her money for a group gift and has yet to call me to see how the shower went. I anticipated this and i'm actually kinda happy to have an out but it's just the fact that somebody could be so ignorant. I know why my gf is acting the way she is. She's jealous. She's made that clear to me and everybody else months ago. I guess it depends on it you want to be friends with the girl anymore. Lucky for me, my decision was made months ago. This little stunt just sealed the deal.
I find it odd and a bit rude, but it's not something that I'd allow to create a huge rift in our friendship.
A few things to ask - is she single/ dating/ married? If she's single or dating, is there a chance that she's sad that she's not married and on the path to having a baby herself?
If she's married, maybe she wants a baby but her DH doesn't, OR they are having problems.
And all of this may lead her to not want to come to a baby shower. Doesn't excuse her not RSVPing, but there may be something going on that showers upset her and she just doesn't want to deal.
And perhaps she said she'd "stop by" because she knew it would be expected of her, and in the end, she decided she wasn't up for it.
Last thought- is there a chance your friend wanted to help throw a shower and felt pushed out of the equation and might have been upset over that?
Just some food for thought.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Probably another hormonal response here.. but I'd be pi$$ed too.. Even is she didn't have any intention of coming and just said she'd drop by.. she could have called and said she wasn't able to make it after all..
Sometimes it's things like that one 20second phone call that can make a world of difference..
I'd confront her anyways & ask what happened to her yesterday.. that your sister had arranged things around her turning up for a brief visit, but we didn't hear from you.. make her feel like the uncomfortable one like she should..
agreed!
This. In addition to her points, I'll give you an other angle to think of it:
Who else is in your circle of friends? Are they all pg/trying to get pg? This is what happened to me - all most all of my and DH's friends got pg w/ in a year. It was all they could talk about. It is mostly all they still can talk about. There have been some really hurtful comments that have been tossed my way. Not being pg with them was really hard - we suddenly had very little in common. Maybe your friend is feeling this?
I'm not saying that all you do is talk about your baby, or that you have unintentionally hurt your bf's feelings. I'm also not saying that this excuses your bf from not showing up. I am saying though, that you should look at it from her perspective, whatever that maybe. I think a real heart to heart is in order here if you want to continue to be friends with this girl.
I would definitely be pissed. This is a big event in your life and of all times of course you want your BF there with you. I'm sure there's a million reasons out there like jealousy, lack of money for a gift, birthday's, etc. But I'll tell you right now none of those would keep me from celebrating with my best friend.
I suffered a miscarraige just before I threw a baby shower for one of my best friends and I still managed to cope with it. Your best friends should always be there for you. I could see if something emergency came up, but even if that were the case she should have called you at some point to tell you what was up. So rude! I hate it more than anything when people say they are coming to something and then don't show up for no apparent reason at all.