Parenting after 35

So how old IS "too old" .... for YOU?

Still pondering TTC #3 and of course my age is coming into my thought process.

So... have you considered it?

How old is "too old" for you and DH personally to TTC?

When I do the math about how old I'd be when a 3rd would graduate high school or college I cringe.

I'm 38 and feel like I'm 28 but that's now and I really don't know if I'll be feeling my age more 10+ years from now....

DH is 42 and I think it's an even bigger concern for him since he has a family history of cancer hitting in the late 50's. 

Our IF journey: 1 m/c, 1 IVF with only 3 eggs retrieved yielding Dylan and a lost twin, 1 shocker unmedicated BFP resulting in Jace, 3 more unmedicated pregnancies ending in more losses.
Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.

Re: So how old IS "too old" .... for YOU?

  • lucky for me i'm done at 36. I don't know how old would be too old for me if we weren't done though... maybe 41?  I think i pick that age b/c i know a lot of 41 y/os who have had their first at that age.
  • I originally said I wanted to be done by 40 (I'm about to turn 38).  But now I'm pushing that out and would consider having a kid at 40 or 41.  Primarily because I don't think I want to repeat this age difference with a 3rd --- it's great for 2 but I simply don't have the energy to deal with 3 under 5, often by myself (due to DH's travel schedule) while working FT.  It's just too much (and too expensive re daycare).  So I'd rather wait until DD is 4 or close to it before having a third if we do so at all.  42 and up -- doable but truthfully, I'd just rather not.  I like the idea of knowing I'm done at some point.

    ETA:  I meant DD closer to 5 -- what a freudian slip!!!

    DD -- 5YO
    DS -- 3YO

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  • For me, I think 41 is the outer edge of the envelope. Having said that, I used to think 35 was as late as I would consider - but obviously, I changed my mind. I am 39 and just had #3. We are considering #4. I would want to start trying when Maddie is at least 6 mo, preferably 1 year. If I were younger I would wait 18 months to get pg, but that ship has sailed.

    If you and DH want another, I say go for it!

  • I'm 39 and just had my first.  If we change our minds and have a 2nd, I think 41/42 is MY cutoff.

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  • I'm pretty sure we're done. I turn 37 in two weeks. For some reason 39 feels like my cut-off, and since I don't see doing just two years apart again I think we'll call it a day. Of course, this could change if baby fever rages again in the next year or so.
    Nadia Irene 8/13/07 Reid Owen 8/18/09
  • SuzPSuzP member
    Originally, we were going to be done by my 41st birthday in November.  No matter what the outcome was.  But since TTC has been put on hold until April of next year, I'm still waivering.  That would make me at least 42 by the time we would have another baby. So I guess I don't have a limit yet.  Though I suspect it will stay 41.
    Mama to Lewis Elijah-11/18/05
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  • I think 40 might be too old for me, but I can't really say for sure.
  • For me personally, it will be 40. We might want another baby but I won't even attempt till the triplets are about 3. Meaning Ill be more like 38.

    A dear friend of mine just had her first at 40 and second at 42 and you would think she's 30. I thought nothing of it!

  • I'm 39, due 6 weeks after I turn 40. When we started to TTC this one, our limit was 3 months after I turn 40 - I wanted to deliver before 41.

    Part of our reasoning was that we don't want to have to pay for college out of our social security checks Smile

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  • Hmmm, tough question, I'm like you and say that we are only as old as we feel.  I still think i'm 25! LOL

    But reality is what it is and i'm 37, DH is a young 48 and we are lucky to have conceived this one, so we'll try again in about 6 months and if it works great, if not, we are thrilled to have our one LO. 

    BTW-40 would be my cut off, I don't want to have to use a walker when LO graduates HS, LOL!  Wink


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  • It keeps changing as I get older!  LOL!  For awhile I've said 36, but I'd push it to 37 is necessary.  I don't feel older than I was when I had my first child at 30, though, so it is easy to keep pushing #3 back. 
  • We're done, but it is more of about how my body acts during pregnancy. I had bad GD twice and my doctor said it was good that we were finished because my uterus was stretched way too thin at my last c-section.

    I think if we didn't have kids then my cutoff would be much older.  If I really wanted a third child, my cutoff would be around 42-43, but DH would have to promise me a tummy tuck because the body is not bouncing back the older I get. :(

    Physically, I feel the same as I did when I was 28 (I'll be 39 in October), just with slower metabolism.  I think the kids are keeping me young too. :)

  • I've never really thought about it, but probably 40-41. I'm  35 now so I've got a bit of wiggle room.
  • I turned 39 in July and just had my first healthy baby (knock on wood) so I don't think you're too old to have another baby. There are a few women past 40 on Pg After 35 that are also pregnant or just had babies, you can also ask them for advice.

    P.S. I had an uncomplicated pregnancy but it was really hard for me to push during labor. I think if I were younger I would have had more stamina. Other than that, no issues related to age.

    Me: 44 DH: 42. DS born healthy at 40 weeks 8/24/09. TTC since then with no luck or ART. Surprise BFP 8/6/14... MMC @ 8 weeks 4 days... Miss you everyday sweet baby angel.
  • I'd like to deliver #2 while I'm 39. I'm turned 37 in April. However, I'm not sure I really have a cut off. I think that would put more pressure on me if I did have one, and I like to see how things go.
  • Age isn't my main hesitation about having #3, but if I was a few years older I think 40/41 would be my cutoff.
    Wife, Musician, Fed, WW-er, and Mom of three little kids - not necessarily in that order.
  • I struggle with this.  I will be 38 in October and think that if I don't decide by the end of the year, I'm done.


  • I'm 40 and we only wanted two, so I'm done.  If I didn't have my second yet or I wanted another, I'd say 42. 
  • I'm a 40 year old going on 30. Just had my first. My cutoff might be 44. I say that because I had unexplained infertility & it took quite a while to get pregnant. SO how long can the next time take? Hopefully not long as I'd like at least 2.
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  • I am 43 and having our second baby in 3 weeks.  We are done.  I don't trust my body anymore, even though this pregnancy has been trouble-free, even moreso than my first one was at 40/41.

    I was pregnant last summer and had a devastating m/c due to a complete molar pregnancy.  I was told by my doctor, at age 42, that I needed to wait a minimum of 6 months to TTC again.  I wasn't sure whether we would do that or was a horrible, horrible experience.

    I wish that DH and I had met when we were younger, and had been able to have more than two children.  I feel bad that my age has made my decision for me, but I also feel extremely blessed to be able to have two at this stage of my life. 

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  • I am pretty sure we are done after this one - I will be almost 36 when # 3 is born.  & we planned having our kids closer together so I would end around 36.  It happened a little sooner than we originally planned. Now I am thinking I would consider 1 more.. but not until I was 39 - I want a 3/4 yr span between the next set.. I am honestly tired of pregnancy right now.  I am hoping I will not have that urge after this one is born & that I will be ready to get out of diapers & potty training by then ; )
    Boy 1 2/06 - Boy 2 12/07 - Boy 3 9/09
  • Originally, back when I was 21 and stupid, I had figured I would be well done before I was 35. Riiiight.

    I had my first at 37-1/2, and will have turned 39 about 2-4 weeks before #2 arrives.

    What is my "limit" now? I am leaving that one up to someone other than me. DH and I want 3, and think 4 is also a great number. My body so far seems to do pretty well, I still have nearly 20 years in my career if I want to retire with full benefits (DH has just 15 - better agency in that respect, obviously). Certainly, I would love to be way done before 45, so I guess we are sort of aiming for 41 or so. But again, we are not setting limits. Not age wise. Just health wise. After each, we will reasses and see where things go.

  • I think your health, your weight, and your ease of conception should be more of a concern than the actual age number.  I conceived at 35 and turned 36 6 weeks after my baby was born.  I had a fabulous pregnancy and delivery (PPD was a different story?).  I read the yahoo celeb thing about the woman having them until 46, 47.  And really do any of us know what illness accident could take us at any age??

    Judging from your pic - you don't look a day over 28!

  • Well I'm done, but even if we were not going to have anymore I think I was done.  I had a tough pregnancy, delivered at 34 weeks and it is just too hard to bounce back. I'm 40 and I will never be preganant again....I hope.
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  • I wanted to be done by 35 with having babies.  I was and it was the right choice for me.

     I have a SIL who just had her first at 40 and has plans for a second, though.  It's all in what you are up for!

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