How to Support a Friend Who's Miscarried?

LittleSweetie

For those of you who have had the unfortunate experience of losing a pregnancy, what was the best thing someone did to comfort you?  I know it comes down to personality/style/preference, but how did others help you cope with your loss?  A friend of mine lost her baby (pre-12w), and besides "just being there," I'm not sure of the best thing I can do for her.  TIA

Ohio_Wedding

i think just being there is all you really need to do. there's nothing anyone can really say or do, and i think you need to rely on your friend to give you a sign about how much she does/does not want to talk about things.

 i also think it is nice to be sensitive to things that might be difficult to her, but that she might not want to acknowledge as difficult (excessive talk about babies, kids, TTC, etc. might not be really easy for her right now, but she might not ever tell you that directly).

ezbakejess

The best thing a friend has said to me is "I want you to know I'm sorry and here to talk whenever you need to" She doesn't ever bring up baby stuff with me, but when I'm wanting to talk about it she's all ears.Try not to say things that explain it away, like "it's God's plan...everything happens for a reason" Even though she will know you have the best of intentions, hearing that just really doesn't help.The best thing is just not to forget. She will think about this just about every day, especially until she gets pregnant again. After awhile, it feels like everyone has forgotten - so a quick "thinking of you" note a few months from now, on her due date, next year at this time... just randomly - that will really mean a lot to know you haven't forgotten.I'm so sorry for your friend's loss - she's lucky to have friends who care so much about her. 

candycane3t

ezbakejess:

The best thing a friend has said to me is "I want you to know I'm sorry and here to talk whenever you need to" She doesn't ever bring up baby stuff with me, but when I'm wanting to talk about it she's all ears. Try not to say things that explain it away, like "it's God's plan...everything happens for a reason" Even though she will know you have the best of intentions, hearing that just really doesn't help. The best thing is just not to forget. She will think about this just about every day, especially until she gets pregnant again. After awhile, it feels like everyone has forgotten - so a quick "thinking of you" note a few months from now, on her due date, next year at this time... just randomly - that will really mean a lot to know you haven't forgotten. I'm so sorry for your friend's loss - she's lucky to have friends who care so much about her. 

THIS, especially the gestures on her EDD

AlpacaBunny

I appreciated cards that friends sent.  I also got some beautiful statues from friends, angel statues.  We named our baby and it meant a lot to me when people used her name.  Acknowledge it as a loss.  Many people feel it is not a big deal if it is early, but it is a big deal.  As soon as you know you are pregnant you dream of the life your baby will have and the joy he or she will bring.  Don't say things like 'it wasn't meant to be' or 'this was for the best'.  Flowers are nice.  Also, remember to ask how she is doing down the road, the pain doesn't go away in a few weeks.  Thanks for being a wonderful friend and asking how you can help.    Here are a few links to some of the beautiful things I received from friends

https://www.cherrylanekeepsakes.com/cgi-bin/store.cgi?keyword=safe+in+the+arms+of+jesus&action=search

 https://www.cherrylanekeepsakes.com/cgi-bin/store.cgi?keyword=loss+of+child&action=search

https://www.inscriptionsoftheheart.com/product_info.php?products_id=379&osCsid=3935503491e83c8c3a86948380b1b014

AlpacaBunny

Oooh, and I forgot!  This website has beautiful jewlery!  A friend sent me a necklace from this site and I LOVE it!

https://www.labelledame.com/