very hurt (vent)- VERY LONG

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Okay, so I found out a couple of months ago (accidentally) that my 2 sisters, their husbands, and their children were renting a house at the shore for a week.  They asked my mom if she would like to come for the week, so she took off for the week and went with them.  My husband and I were not asked if we wanted in on the house for the week, or if we wanted to come at all for that matter.  (we live about an hour from the beach they were staying at)  Their rental was up yesterday, so they are all back at their own houses now.

I did not receive one phone call all week from any of them.  (I usually talk to my mom at least 2xs a week and my one sister and I talk at least 2xs a week).  My mom called today (H and I were out) so I called her back even though I really didn't want to talk to her at all.  I have nothing nice to say to her at this point.  I am so hurt that we were not included in the "family" vacation plans that I can't stop crying.  I can't wrap my head around the fact that my mom thinks that this is okay, and supports my sisters' decision to not invite us by going with them and not saying anything.

Anyway, I pulled myself together and while I am on the phone with my mom (saying very little), we exchange the usual pleasantries and then the conversation goes something like this

mom: well I had a very nice week   ***please note: I did not ask

me: oh, thats good

mom: the kids were hysterical

me: silence

mom: they had such a good time on the beach!

me: I'm sure

why does she feel the need to 'update' me on the great vacation everyone had without us??!!  I am so pissed about the whole situation, and when it comes right down to it, (according to them), I just have to "suck it up" and move on.  Apparently they think I am too sensitive and really have no reason to be upset about this.  I was told that they (my 2 sisters) talked about getting a house together a while ago (like last year sometime) and they can invite who they want.  They do not see my point of view at all, and they do not understand for one minute why I would be so upset about being excluded from the family vacation. 

I am so hurt and can't believe that my family would treat me like this. 

I was planning on having H and my mom in the delivery room with me, but at this point, I really don't want her there.  And forget about either of my sisters being the godmother of our baby, I would not want anyone so rude and uncaring raising our child if anything happened!

not sure if hormones are getting the best of me today or what, but I just feel so sad...

Anyway, thanks for "listening" .... if you even made it this far~

JenniferTCU

Man, pregnancy hormones or not, I'd be crushed! Why did they exclude you? Did they tell you? I would feel exactly how you do. I am so sorry they did this. I wish I could give you a hug. I am getting all worked up over just reading it- I can't imagine how hurt you are.

mommy_bear

Just playing devil's advocate here, did they maybe think you couldn't vacation with them do to your pregnancy or something?  Do the brothers in law all get along? I don't get it.

I wouldn't simmer on this. Be direct. Call them and explain to them that you felt left out by not being invited on a special family vacation. (who wouldn't?) Maybe they can explain it in terms that are understandable?

I'm sorry you're hurt. If I were in your shoes, I'd feel hurt too.

livvielo

Big, big hugs to you...I'd be hurt, too.

dsoltys

I know how you feel.  My family pulled that crap on us a few years ago.  You will always have a nasty feelling about it, believe me!

KD288

I would be very hurt as well. No matter what it is not right. I would ask them stratight out why you weren't invited. If you can't get a clear answer I would point that out as well. Please understand I am not saying be confrontational at all, I just think families should be honest with each other.

No matter what I still bad and sending you big hugs!

marinabrideny

You have every right to be upset. I would be also. However, instead of stewing over it I would need to confront someone. Maybe next time your mom or sisters call say something. At least it will be off your chest and who knows, perhaps they didn't invite you because they thought your wouldn't be able to come due to being pregnant. 

carladillon

Wow - I'm so sorry!  I would be very hurt as well - of course everyone has different relationships with their siblings/parents, but to not even give you the option to say no.  I hope you are able to clear the air with them as it will only fester the longer it goes on.

robynlesley

I completely understand ? though not from a family perspective, but from friends who did something similar to me years ago.  I don't understand how your family can exclude you like that... and you have every right to feel as you do.

I don't know if you can let your mom, at least, know how hurt you are that she felt the need to twist the knife, so to speak.  But you have every right to feel sad... (((HUG)))

serrill2

I would tell them how you feel, how hurtful that really was.  I wouldn't let it simmer over until the holidays, or let it go either.  I would be so sad if my family left me out of the family vacation and then called to say how wonderful it was.  

akgram

I'm so sorry for you!  I personally know what it feels like but mine is from my in laws.  Sending you a big HUG and hang in there!

bcn68

Maybe they just thought that due to the fact that you're 32 weeks PG that you wouldn't want to go.  I know for myself I wouldn't have wanted to go.  I was mismerable and HUGE.  I gave birth at 37.5 wks to an 8.7lb baby.  If this is not ther case I would just talk to my sister about it.  Keeping things inside only makes it worse.  Communication is key!  GL.

NoelleHansen

Maybe you could approach it with a bit of a sense of humor. Like... "I know, you guys just didn't want me on the beach because of this of alllll this sexiness" ::hands shimmy down fabulous baby bump::... Then say, "No really, I was hurt. Maybe you have reason and I would like to try to understand why".

 

Peppernut

I am so sorry, I would have been hurt, too.  Maybe talk to your mom about it rather than stewing?  Stewing just builds up, you need to let that steam vent!  Since your mom didn't arrange it, she was just invited after the fact, maybe talking to her wouldn't be as rage-inducing as talking to your sisters.

From your description, it doesn't really sound like your mother, at least, meant any harm.

leffe1

I would feel very hurt. I would probably take a couple days and calm down and confront your family. I am sorry you are dealing with this. Big HUGS!

funchicken

Did you say anything when you found out about this a couple of months ago?  I find this whole situation baffling.  I'd be very hurt, too, but I definitely would have said something when I first heard about the trip.  I think you should talk to your sisters and your mom--maybe it's just a misunderstanding.

BrideBuddies

I can totally understand why you feel hurt and angry.  Anyone would be. 

BUT... there must be something more to this than meets the eye.  Please don't take this the wrong way since I'm just an Internet stranger, but perhaps this could serve as time to do a little self-analysis.

Are these two your only siblings, or were others not invited either?   Did they have the physical space to accommodate you and your family at this rental house?  Do you have a good, close relationship with your sisters?  Or are they just especially close and you've always been more of the "odd man out?"

You mentioned that they see you as "sensitive."   I'm considered the "sensitive" one in my family, too.   If you ask my sister, to her, "sensitive" means I'm overly dramatic and a pain in the azz and it drives her nuts.  It is what it is. 

Honestly and as unbiasly as you can, think about your relationship with your sisters.  You may find your answer there.  Then again, they may have just been insensitive jerks.

As for your mother, why would you punish her by banning her from the delivery room?  You've essentially put her in the middle of a dispute between you and your siblings.  I don't think that's very fair to her.

 

Mrs.BoomBoom

I'd be pissed and I'd be telling my mom EXACTLY what I thought.

Katiedid1806

And as hurt as you might be, since you had known about this for a little while even before the trip, is there a reason you never spoke up? Any reason why you did not ask to see if they wanted to get together when they were at the beach (like you and your DH heading over for an afternoon or evening? It's only an hour)?

People can only make you feel badly if you let them. It is your responsibility to speak up and tell them when you are upset or left out or hurt. Maybe they were under some old fashioned theory that you would not be wanting to go away from home after 30 weeks. Lots of people were quite surprised when DH and I went to the beach last year when I was in my 8th/9th month, but who cares! There are doctors there and my own m/w said I was healthy for the trip. we just stopped a lot for me to stretch and pee.

I do feel for you, but you need to speak up. Actually, you needed to do it much earlier on, but it is never to late to at least air your feelings.

arligirl

While I can imagine how hurt you are, I think that you should let it go and talk to your family. Maybe it was a misunderstanding. I cant imagine that they would go out of their way to hurt you. I'm sure they love you. express your disappointment to them and hear their response then let it go.  Life is too short and in the end you are still family. Good luck!