Any advice?
JenniferTCU
member
I realize most of you are moms to newborns but some of you have older kids, too. I need some advice please.
I have two stepdaughters- 6 and 8. The 6 year old will eat anything (and doesn't have a weight problem). The 8 year old is the pickiest eater on earth (and is looking quite chunky despite being involved in several sports).
The 8 year old will eat the following:
Lunchables (just the cheese, crackers and dessert- no meat)
Turkey pepperoni - this one took me forever to accomplish
Homemade pizza with turkey pepperoni
Cheese Pizza
Steak (but only this one certain kind) ::eyeroll::
Spaghettios
Cinnamon Toast Crunch Cereal
Grilled Cheese
Chex Mix
And any carb under the sun
I am at my wits end. Tonight we made ground turkey tacos. They were awesome. We told her she had to try the turkey- just one bite. She refused. DH told her that if she didn't take one bite, she couldn't eat anything else tonight. Again, refused. We told her no DS, no computer and no TV tonight. Still refused. I am thinking that she thinks her dad will cave (as he does often). Tonight, no caving. I've put my foot down. We get the girl 3 nights a week while the ex gets them 4 nights a week.
DH's ex does not enforce healthy eating so I have no idea how I am supposed to do that when any headway I make is demolished next time she comes over. I can't even slip something into her food because it's all so white and she picks through it all.
Any advice? I am beyond frustrated.
Thanks friends 
Re: Any advice?
I agree with the pp - you will not win this one & by punishing her it may make it worse - especially since she does not live with you full time. I would say there is a different root cause to the issue - maybe having two homes? Is she in any therapy? If not, that might be the bigger issue with both girls & how are they dealing with this living situation. Food with kids is a control game & they will always win.
What you can do is provide the healthier options & maybe even get her to help you cook. Kids are more likely to eat when they have fun making it. There are books out there too that have ways to sneak in the veggies with all the taste & less fat - my mom bought me the Jessica Seinfeld one. It does not work for us since my boys choose their veggies & fruits first over everything else on their plate & plus they are too thin so I have to provide all the foods with full fat. But, the book has some yummy things that I have tried out of curiosity.
Just set a good example, but don't push it.
No- she isn't in therapy. She's a very well-adjusted kid despite her parents being divorced. We've worked very hard to give them a normal life. She's just a kid who is a picky eater who has gotten away with it for a long time. She finally at the turkey when she saw we weren't going to cave.
Thank you all for your advice...
Hi Jen,
I agree with mrskadams, I've spoken to a few of my friends and my mom and they all said that if she's hungry she will eventually eat. One of my GF suggested a book called The Sneaky Chef, she said it worked wonders for her son who is 7 and would not eat anything but hot dogs! My mom had also mentioned that when I was little it was actually the opposite, that I would NOT eat at all, she tried to force feed me and after about a week or so eventually went to the doc and he told her, "She's simply not hungry, she will eat when she wants to, she is not starving" and I wasn't ... now I eat EVERYTHING (much to my dismay) LOL!
GL Jen!
)
I agree with this, and if it's feasible, get both girls involved in menu planning and meal prep. Maybe once or twice a month let each one of them choose the menu for a well-balanced meal. Then shop for the ingredients and prepare the meal together. It doesn't have to be anything too complicated. Making homemade pizzas or burritos are fun and easy.
Thank you all for your suggestions. Unfortunately there is a not a fruit or veggie she will eat other than the occasional blueberry. And as far as her helping me shop for foods, while it's a great suggestion, she will only eat what I listed in my post with the addition of yogurt.
I think the reason DH said no DS, no computer, etc last night was because he was at the end of the rope. This has been going on for so very long. Anyway, as I said, it worked out because she finally came out and ate a few bites. A bite was all we asked for. I truly think she was just testing us.
She came crying to me last weekend because she felt big. My heart breaks for her but until she is willing to try new things, I don't know what else to do.
There was an article about this very subject in the NYTimes yesterday. Thought you might find it interesting:
https://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/30/weekinreview/30bruni.html?_r=1&hpw
Thanks! I was really encouraged by the author's statement about how quickly their palates change and how it's important to keep reintroducing foods. The turkey pepperoni was a stretch and took a while but she loves it now. I guess we just have to keep trying
I def. agree with PPs about this and would just like to add my voice to the group that no matter which strategy is right for you family - don't let them know that it gets under your skin and don't take it personally. I haven't had this issue, my teenage boys eat EVERYTHING - but I WAS a teenage step daughter once....
I think, personally, I would make meals that included stuff you know they will eat an stuff you like and find healthy. You make your good choices and ignore theirs, "whatevers, no biggie" - after they try one little bite of everything. Just one bite and if they don't like it this time, they can eat the other stuff. But, praise praise praise if they make good choices. If you dont think they are getting everything they need, insist on a vitamin. They have those great Gummi bear ones - as long as they dont get them and eat them all.
If I have given them options including stuff I know they normally eat, I would just let them go hungry. You don't have to make them something else just like they dont have to eat.
My sister has a great rule of thumb in her house. They fix a meal with at least one item that they know the kids will eat. Then the kids eat what they will. The kids are requested to eat a "no thank you" bite -- one bite to determine if you like it or not (you can even spit it out in a napkin) because otherwise you'll never know if you've found the next chocolate ice cream or brussel sprouts. But they are not forced to.
My sister was the world's pickiest eater. Imagine a diet of PB, french fries and bacon. Oh and carbs. Most of the time. That was it. My dad constantly tried to get her to eat other things by grounding her, making her sit at the table until it was gone, etc. He always lost. You can't force her to eat so don't make it a battle. Just shrug and go on eating. She may change, she may not but if you all don't make food a power struggle and she feels like she has control over her diet, she is probably more apt to try things.
With that said, I'd also try the sneaky chef or deceptively delicious route if you are concerned and want to sneak in some veggies.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO