question for you SAHM's!

EbethM0231

I'm coming over from 3rd tri to ask a quick question, if you don't mind...

My DH have decided that I will be a SAHM once our LO arrives.  I couldn't be more excited that I will get to be home with him all day and get to witness all those "first's" that I would probably miss if I work.  Anyway, my family is fully supportive of me SAH b/c that is what my mom did, both my grandmothers, etc.  But in DH's family, SAH is unheard of!  His mom put all of her kids in daycare at 6 weeks old and the same with his 2 sisters.  We haven't told them our plans yet and I am just nervous about what is going to be said.  I know my MIL is going to STRONGLY state her opinion against this plan and this makes me nervous.  I already have planned in my head as to what I will say to her, but I am afraid I will back out.

Anway, I guess my question is...did any of you have parents or IL's give you a hard time about becoming a SAHM and how did you deal with it?

alicia11780

I am sorry, no one I knew said anything negative about staying home.

My only suggestion is that if she gives you a hard time simply state that you know what she did and how things turned out(whether fine or not) but you and DH both believe staying home is best for your family.

If she pushes the issue push her out the door.  j/k

c.sholun

I also diden't get any negative reactions, but, is it be just a preference of hers or a decision the women in his family have made by necessity?Hopefully you are nervous and just jumping to conclusions that she will veiw it as a bad thing.Obviously I don't know them but maybe(hopefully) you will be surprised and she will just go along with it.All I can say is, I have had a friend kind of put down SAH(of course she had no kids) and I politely said I was happy with our decision, and I see nothing wrong with careing for my home and family.

Stacyc625

Take this advice and put it towards ALL parenting issues.

Listen to their side, make your own mind up, and then say, 'thanks for your opinion however THIS will be done.'

you are the parents- no one else. smile and nod the rest of the statements.

fenwaygirl5

My FIL said to me, "A  SAHM will be a first in our family." Which is not true b/c one of dh's family members stayed home.  His mom said to me when I first met him that she was not the type of mom to stay at home and she won't be that type of grandmother.  So his parents are going through a little adjustment about me staying at home.  My dh has been very supportive of me staying at home and he understands my views.  As long as we can do it I will be at home.  My dh went to daycare at a very young age and I always had a sah parent.  I have friends who don't understand it, but I say you want to work fine but this is what we want to do.  We are both excited about me staying home.  At times my mom wanted me to continue working, but after all of infertility issues she completely dropped that and totally understands me staying home.  Especially b/c of dh crazy work schedule.  So I am lucky to have supportive parents and an awesome husband.

cp760

Sorry to hear that you'll have to deal with this. Thankfully both sides of my family were fine with our decision. All I can say is to hold your ground. Don't feel that you have to make excuses or a list of reasons for them. It's between you and dh and they'll just have to deal with it. Don't let them make you feel bad.

I did deal with something sorta similar though. Everyone in dh's family breastfed...his mom, both grandmothers...everyone. Yet on my side of the family it was unheard of. My mom was very uncomfortable with the idea and always acted as if I was doing something gross. At first it bothered me, but then I realized...so what!? It's what dh and I want to do and that's that. 3 kids later my mom was still not comfortable around me when I nursed, but I'm so glad I stood my ground. 

Good luck!

Sweetsparkles

I can't believe they would question SAH.  I mean, really!  I would think someone would question why you'd leave your baby at 6w to go back to an 8-5 job over taking care of your newborn baby.

Wow.

I am so glad you're going to be a SAHM..it's the best job and one other hardest you'll ever love.  I love being there for my baby all day.  I couldn't fathom leaving her.  In fact, I did return to work but only for a few days and then I resigned.

Children need their parents.  Daycare providers are great, but the bond between mother and baby is so much more meaningful than a caregiver.

Sorry, no offense to Working Moms as they are -strong- in my book---I could never be one.

But to criticize a SAHM makes me angry. 

Daisy77

Nobody gave us a hard time for it because financially it made sense.  To put DS in daycare (and DD#1 after school) while I worked, plus the fuel for my commute would have taken my paycheck and then some. Not worth it.

My mom was a SAHM while I was growing up and so was MIL.  My mom has no strong opinions about it while MIL thinks it's just the greatest thing I'm home with the kids.  Not sure if she says that to make me feel good about it or if she's just super happy about it on her own, lol.  She'd probably be happy if I was working too.  

SIL once made the comment that I "don't do anything" and she got an earful from DH and the silent treatment from me for a while.  At that time we didn't have the best relationship as she was pretty full of herself, thought she could do no wrong and no one told her otherwise.  Sad thing is, she was unemployed, had been living with IL's and had her own child to care for.  Talk about foot in mouth!  

mandymack

Hi and welcome to the board!!

I think it's just AWFUL when anyone outside of the situation expresses an unsolicited opinion that *might* hurt someone... what's the point?!?!  I know it's much easier said than done, but IGNORE them.  This is YOUR life, YOU and YOUR DH's decision and what works for YOU is all that matters.  Enjoy the last few weeks of your pregnancy and revel in your decision to SAH!!! 

 

 

Jerseygirl16

Nobody in my life had a negative reaction so I can't speak from experience.  The best I can think of is to address her concern if you feel you must.  The only reason I can see her having a problem with it is concerns financially so maybe if you allay those fears and tell her that you have looked at the situation very carefully and can afford to do this for your family she will feel better.  And if not then it's probably over her own guilt and nothing to do with you so I'd let it roll off your back as much as you can and know you are doing right by your family no matter what her misguided opinion is.

HarrietNJMommy

MY parents gave us a hard time about it, and my mom WAS a SAHM!!!!! I couldn't understand it. 

We ignored them, and just did what we wanted. You really can't "convince" others why you want to do things a certain way. Your MIL is entitled to her opinion (and she has a right to state it strongly), but you choose how you deal with her.

If I were in your shoes, I would say "thank you, but we've made our decision and I'm staying home with the kids." You don't have to explain why......

GL! 

Liz342

I could have written this post.  I went back to work for 2 months after staying home for 7 months with DD and recently quit.  My family was thrilled that I'm staying home now and that includes my whole family.  When we told DH's family NO ONE said anything about it being good.  In fact the only person that even commented was MIL who said that DD needs socialization and will become attached to me.  No one on thei side stays at home and I think she's too ignorant to see how it's possible.

GL and don't back down!

axr8111

While me being a SAHM was a first for my family, I never got an negative feedback about it. All I can say to ?you is who cares what your families think? I mean really? Why would this concern you so much? No one's opinion counts at all except you and DH's. If you start worrying too much about what family thinks even before you have a baby, get ready once your a mama. Everyone will have an opinion about everything and you need to be able to do what you want and know is best for your family- and by family I mean you, your DH and LO...that's it.?

little_mrs

Stacyc625:

Take this advice and put it towards ALL parenting issues.

Listen to their side, make your own mind up, and then say, 'thanks for your opinion however THIS will be done.'

you are the parents- no one else. smile and nod the rest of the statements.

100% agree!!!

urbanwifey

little_mrs:

Stacyc625:

Take this advice and put it towards ALL parenting issues.

Listen to their side, make your own mind up, and then say, 'thanks for your opinion however THIS will be done.'

you are the parents- no one else. smile and nod the rest of the statements.

100% agree!!!

Or..."You were allowed to raise your children as you saw fit, please allow me to raise mine as I see fit."