Morbid...who would you want to have your kids if you died?

Fuzzypeaches

We don't have any good candidates and we are trying to decide who it should be, just in case.

Our parents are both approaching retirement age and I know raising a grandchild would be a big burden and that our child would miss out on a lot because grandparents just wouldn't have the energy to do as much with them.

My sister has 3 kids, lives in a trailor with no room as it is, and has her hands full. I think adding any more responsibility would push her over the edge as she is a very busy overwhelmed mom.

My brother is single and travels all over the country for work.

My other brother is not a candidate for several reasons, but mostly because they struggled with infertility for many years and now have a young son who is their world and I don't think they would welcome/want someone else's child as they were very opposed to adoption, etc. There are other reasons too, but I won't share them. I also think it would be overwhelming for them and my child would end up being treated differently or resented.

We have no one else....the only friend I would really consider is someone who will be moving far away in a few years and I don't want my child to be moved away from here.

 

maryannelise

DH of course! If we both died, my parents, hands down. His parents are both deceased and mine are still fairly young (Mom 46, Step-Dad almost 40). Also, I have a younger brother who is 10 so they aren't so out of practice.

goldenleaves

Dh and I actually just talked about this yesterday! We would want both of our parents to raise our child(ren) if they were well and able to do so. My twin sister would probably end up with them full time, simply because our parents are retirement age. His brother travels for work, and my other sister can barely take care of herself.

It's a scary thing to think about!?

Oct08bridge

Although you might think it would be a burden on either of your parents they might want to do it to hold on to a piece of either you of you.

 We think we are going to ask Dh's brother and sister in law to be baby's god parents. They live in California but they are really awesome and would be great parents. They'd have to move to VA to be by our families though!

getnmarried910

My best friend and her husband will get our kids.  My parents are ready to be empty-nesters and still have a kid at home in high school.  DH's parents are divorced, and we don't talk to FIL, not to mention he's not a fit father-figure (crappy dad to DH and BIL), and our kids don't know him anyway.  MIL is not the kind of person we want raising our kids, nor does she have the space anyway.  She's too busy supporting herself and three other adults and a pretty small income because she wants BIL to need her rather than making him get out on his own at 23, her mooch sister is also living there and not paying for anything, as well as BIL's girlfriend.  Not an environment we want our kids in.  Our friends parent much like we do, have the same religious beliefs, and we trust them the most.  My parents live in a different state, but that's not really an issue since our friends also live in a different state. 

CTri17

If DH and I both died, I would probably want either His parents or a couple friend of ours to raise them.

goldenjes

If we both died...

For the boys - they'd have to go live with their father, but hopefully he wouldn't fight my dad too much for grandparent rights/visitation.  (My dad is also the executor of $)

For this LO - we haven't discussed it but they'd go with my little bro & his wife, or DH's little bro, or my BFF. 

My older bro has kids very close to the boys, but he's got a lot to deal with now, and I'm not a fan of his parenting style.  BFF & family would be great, but again, they're not family.  My little bro & wife have been together 8-9 yrs and don't have kids but that might change later on.  They're excellent fur-parents though.  DH's little bro is a fabulous uncle but he's still living the young, single life. 

So... we have no idea.

redstars93

It might be morbid but it's very necessary to have this finalized and put in a will!

We chose my sister and BIL because they have 2 (almost 3) and we knew that they would love ours like their own. Plus, we have a life insurance policy so they would be the executors on that to help defray the added cost.

xvicki11

Lucky for DH and I, we have 9 siblings between us. I am the youngest of 6 and he is the youngest of 5. We will most likely write my sister and her husband in our will to take them, but we need to talk to them about this first of course. We are buying a house on the same street that they live on, so the adjustment would be easier on our kids. We will probably become their choice as well for their kids. Currently, we are designated to care for my other sister's 2 daughters if they should die.

They also struggled with fertility and finally have a daughter of their own, which is why I know they would take really good care of my child(ren) if something were to (God forbid) happen to us. They know how it feels to be without a child for so long and now see the joy in every child!

beckypooh03@yahoo.com

Without a doubt it would be my parents! There still rather young, 45 and 48 and very very active so I don't think my kids would miss out at all! My DH father is wanting to retire soon and his step-mom is a Bi..... to say it nicely so that's obviously not even an option for me! I think I might consider one of my siblings but would be hard to say right now because they are all kind of in a transition period. School, just started new career, just starting college...that sort of thing!

LadyJavy

We're struggling with this as well... frontrunners would probably be my brother and sister in law, but I'm not happy with the idea that our baby would never ever see my family if we did this (they live in FL and SIL's family is in Boston... my whole family is in Philly). My mom is not in good health, so my parents are out and my brother would not be able to financially provide for our child the way we would like her to be provided for. I don't think I could put that kind of burden on a friend, no matter how close they are.

NiniJ55

If something were to happen to both DH and I.... I want my mother to raise my children "hands down".  DH and I have not talked about this... and maybe this is the right time.

I just feel like my mother is younger than his and my mom can more financially afford the burden (as opposed to his mom).  My sister is a good mom to her children and there is nothing wrong with the way she raises hers - but I do not want her raising mine (just how I feel).  One of my brothers is single still and the other is seperated from his wife - so they are not good candidates either in my opinion.

mrswags05

It's such a hard decision. My parents and my in-laws are both super involved in our son's life, and he knows them both really well, so they would provide the most stability for him in the short-term (and I assume the same will be true for this child).  But, they are all in their 60s, retired or will be in the next couple years, and we don't know that we can rely on them long-term.

Officially, my brother and sister-in-law (five years younger than I) are listed as guardians in our will, and for now will remain so.  They do not have children and live a long way from us, but they are financially stable and I know would provide a loving home for our children if anything were to happen to both DH & I.  My biggest hesitations with our decision are that they live far from our home & family, and they do not share our religious beliefs (they aren't hostile to our tradition, but they don't practice it themselves).  But I can't imagine anyone else I would want caring for my children, either.

Our other options were my sister, who is a single mom and financially & emotionally/mentally/physically stretched handling her own daughter, and my best friend, who has three young children of her own and lives very frugally on one income.  While our children would be well-provided-for financially if anything happened to DH & I, I still wouldn't want to add the intense added burden of caring for my children on either my sister or my friend.

In the end, I know that if something devastating happened, all of our family would jump in to provide as much normalcy as possible for our children, in whatever ways they could.  Though we haven't discussed it with them, it would not surprise me at all if my brother and SIL would move back to our hometown if such a life-changing event occurred.  Our families all know each other and get along well, so they would work it out based on current circumstances as best they could.

Randa&Jerm

I also brought this up with DH just yesterday.  I'm not sure who we would pick at this time.  Its likely that we would choose the parents of our God-children.  They are and also have kids similar in age and they share our beliefs in child raising. 

My parents are split and I know my mom wouldn't be up to raising anymore kids, and I don't DH's parents would be up to it either.

 

Leap08

It is kind of morbid and sad to think about, but it's also really necessary. We actually talked about this before we were even pregnant. My sister would raise our child(ren) if something were to happen to us. For us, this was actually a pretty easy decision. She and I have very similar values and think a lot alike. If, for some reason, she was unable to take the kids, my brother and sister-in-law are our second choice, and then my mom (I just really don't want to stick her with kids during retirement). We don't think anyone in my husbands family would be able to provide financially for our kids and they don't really share our same values/ world perspective.

Anna&Matt

we are using DH's brother and his wife as our caregivers if we both die. They are financially stable and responsible. My brother is just way too immature and irresponsible to consider at this point.

Krista123105

For now, we've decided upon my parents.  They're young enough to keep up with young kids (my mom is 51 and my dad is 52) and they're in great health.  Ten years down the road it'll probably change to my younger sister, but right now she's too young.  My IL's are not even a consideration, as I don't like them and they're 59 and 60 but act like they're 20 years older than they are, and they're in terrible health.  We are the legal guardians for our best friends' kids if something happens to both of them (my BF is married to DH's BF and they have 2 kids) but I wouldn't want them to raise my kids.  They have a much different parenting style than DH and I will have.

Jibbelle

If we both died, my sister in law.   Her and her husband have two amazing girls.   I would feel very comfortable with them raising our LO.

 *sheds a tear*

 DH and I will have this conversation with them soon, because we need to put a will together just in case (heaven forbid) something were to happen.

 

kristie2422

My DH and I just had this conversation a couple weeks ago. We both said my best friend and her soon to be husband. The only thing is they live in CA back where we're from. Ideally they should stay in AZ to be close to my parents and sister, however, we don't want them to go to my sister because you can't state to have your sister raise them, but not her DH. (We can't stand him)

hockeypirate

Either BIL and his wife or my stepbrother and his wife. Both live locally so our parents would get to see LO all the time.

BIL and his wife desperately want kids, but are having trouble conceiving, they're financially well off, and BIL would be a great role model. 

My stepbrother and his wife have an 8 month old so this LO would be close in age. SIL is also an amazing mom.

LO's Godparents will probably be my best friend and her husband, but they live in California and I want LO to be close to their grandparents.