XP: Mommies with new babies and toddlers/preschoolers?

aegrimm

Hey ladies, I'm lurking from 2nd Tri and this will be my fourth identical post on a differnet board, lol. I'm just trying to get lots of input. I wanted to know how your toddler/preschooler took to the new baby?

DS is 2 and a half, he'll turn 3 about a month before LO is born. He knows he's going to be a big brother and he asked me to buy him a baby doll (which I did) and he takes care of her very well (nap time, rocks her, reads her stories). But, when I ask him what's in my tummy he says "No!" and doesn't want to talk about it. It's weird, because my sis is also pregnant and he talks about "Baby Abby" all the time and tells my sis that "Baby Abby is in your belly"

I guess just worry about jealousy. We stopped calling him "our baby" before I was even pregnant, now he's "our big boy" because I was worried that he would feel like he was replaced as the baby. We haven't moved any of his toys yet or changed his room. Nothing has changed in his life except we talk about the baby and mommy's tummy is getting bigger. When we talk about the baby it's OUR baby (not Mommy and Daddy's baby. It's his baby, too)

Should I be worried or is he a little too young to FULLY understand? (I just think it's weird that he seems to "get" my sister's baby, but not mine?)  Maybe it'll get easier when we know the sex and can give Baby a name?

I'd appreciate your input/experiences! Thanks in advance! (It's hard for me to post at work, but I will read and appreciate every response!)

Dani123

Well mine are only 19 mos apart, so I would think you son would be able to understand way more than my daughter did.....She actually has taken VERY well to the new baby, almost completely unphased.  I havekept her schedule exactly the same and try to maintain out one on one time as well and she seems to be doing fine....I think once the babies are here and everyone says "Is that YOUR baby?" to your DC (cause everyone does) they get a sense of ownership you know? WHere they want to pet and protect!  Just keep him involved and communicate and it should be OK!

Seattle2Maui

My DS was 2 when DS#2 was born.  He really had not much concept of what was happening when we talked about the baby.  He really got into blowing the baby bubbles on my tummy, we had him buy the baby a gift once we were closer to the DD and we got a gift for him from the baby.  He was really into the idea of buying something for his brother.  He adjusted to DS2 really well when he was born as we had made a plan to keep him nanny still involved in taking him out as well as family spending 1:1 time with him. 

 Really we had no problems at birth it was when DS2 started crawling (3 weeks ago) that sent him into a tail spin when I think he really realized someone/something had invaded his world, toys, space and he has really been struggling.  It actually has been the hardest time as a parent for us due to his aggression and mood swings.  We have stepped up the 1:1 time, lots of postive attention for ANYTHING he does that is nice to DS2 and consistent discipline.  Our pedi says this is typically a really hard time for them if they didn't struggle with when #2 was born.  So lots of attention from everyone, gifts that are somewhat equally given, being a big brother helper (my DS1 loved fetching things for us that DS2 needed, loved that!) making sure when people walked in they gave him attention first (baby wont notice like #1 does) still having special time with mom/dad without baby, normal routine as much as possible...basic stuff like that.  Its really a huge developemental even for kids, luckily your DS is older, it may go better.

 

Good luck and congrats!

brittneycc1982

Mine are only 15 months apart, but the best advise I got was to attend to the toddler 1st.  Obviously, that doesn't mean feedings or if he/she is crying, but if the new baby is just fine than make sure you pay attention to your ds first because the newborn will not remember.  It will probably not take long for the jealousy to pass... maybe a few weeks.  Just keep him involved in everything eventhough it's sometimes annoying to have them glued to you when you are trying to change diaper, feed, etc.  Also, make sure you make a point to spend special time with just him.  I take M to the Little Gym and then we go have lunch once a week.  She also comes with me to the store and I don't bring baby (if I don't have to). GL! : )

ilovemygirls

Honestly, they truly don't 'get it' until the new one is here.  Mine was 2.5 when her sister was born. She'd talk allllll about the baby in mom's tummy but until that kid was here & she realized she wasn't going to leave, that's when the attitude started.  Remember that 3 is generally the 'new two' and there tends to be a LOT more tantrums/attitude as they head into the 3's.  So maybe yours will adapt in a kind & cool manner.  Mine had horrendous fits for months.  She'd still kiss & hug baby sis, but any issues she had definitely came out in her behavior.

Also, I've heard that some kiddos do ignore their siblings when they arrive.  So that's not abnormal.  Nor is 'ignoring' your pg but seeming to accept your sisters more.  He probably senses there is something big going on, so he just doesn't wish to discuss it!  As much as I think anyone can prepare their kids- great (books, discussion, etc) but they won't really understand how their life changes- for the good & the bad- until after the baby is here & it continues to evolve as they get older.