When does this BFing bonding commence?

amm04

Many of you and many ladies I've personally spoken to speak of this incredible bonding that occurs over BFing the LO. I don't feel that and it 1) makes me feel guilty and 2) worries me. Did any of you not feel this bonding but you went on to feel it? DS latches and feeds well but I oftentimes despise the whole experience. I'd love to get over my issues. Any advice? Thanks so much.

kmmancil

I never really had that huge bonding experience everytime we nursed.  Its one of those things for me that sometimes after a long day or he's been fussy its just a very centering experience for us both and all the stress seems to go away

StinaSLC

Don't worry and don't feel guilty. I have BFed for a year and am so proud of it, but I never had the magical "ooh la la" bonding experience people talk about. There were definitely special moments when I would enjoy it, but I never was totally in love with it. I am in the process of weaning now and am not feeling overly emotional about it either (a lot of moms talk about getting sad or missing nursing, etc.). Not me!  I think everyone has different experiences, but those of us who are less emotionally attached don't talk about it as much.

tuxcat

I think it clicked around 6 or 7 weeks, and every now and again I get a little "oooo, I love how cute he is!" or have to laugh when he looks at me and smiles, and then screams because he lost that mouthful of milk... but some crazy magical bf bonding mojo? not quite.

nicnjed

There have been moments I've really enjoyed, but I never felt that dreamy feeling either.  I do it because it's what's best for our family.  If I woke up tomorrow and he was weaned I wouldn't be sad.  Everyone is different and breastfeeding is hard work!

cyko21

It's hard as hell in the beginning. It gets easier and you'll enjoy it more as time goes on. This second time around I'm enjoying it a lot more. I know how fleeting it all really is!

NatPhoto09

The first few weeks were rough! Id didn't feel a bond then. Now, I enjoy BF much more b/c I hate to pump.  I would much rather nurse than pump.  The bonding is there when nothing else calms him down but me.  I also love the quite time before bed when I nurse him to sleep.  Give it time.

philosoraptor

It's not an everyday feeling. Especially not in the beginning. The first 4 months I was like "omg i hate this i can't do this i want to quit doing this i never get to put him down omg" and then something changed and it became second nature for both of us. I certainly don't feel like Madonna & Child every feeding, but it's really relaxing for both of us. I have to stop what I'm doing, sit down, and focus on him while he does something that's very nurturing to both his body and soul - it rocks.

You'll get there! I promise! HTH

Knitty

Do you feel worst at letdown? (this has pasted as white text for some reason, please highlight to read)

The negative emotions, or dysphoria, that a mother with D-MER experiences often manifest "in the mother's stomach" - a hollow feeling, a feeling like there is something in the pit of the stomach, or an emotional churning in the stomach. Mothers report varying types of emotions with D-MER ranging from dread to anxiety to anger, these emotions fall on the D-MER spectrum which has three different levels. The common thread between these levels, is the wave of negative emotions or dysphoria, prior to letdown, when nursing, expressing and with spontaneous letdowns, that then lifts within another 30-90 seconds, and then usually repeats with each letdown.

A key piece of D-MER is that a mother with D-MER feels absolutely fine except just before her milk starts to flow. D-MER is a brief feeling, not more than 30 seconds to 2 minutes, only and always beginning before let-down. This is not postpartum depression and most of these mothers feel perfectly fine except for that pre-milk moment. A brief interval after the negative feelings appear, the milk begins to flow.

Even if it's not that, breastfeeding is not some magic thing, especially when your baby's so young and it's still so tricky.