I just don't know what I am going to do. I am sitting here wide awake. I just am in such fear this cycle is a BFN. I know this is going to sound a bit dramatic, but my symptoms are just not here like they used to be. From days 3dp5dt-6dp5dt, I have very strong symptoms. I had extreme thirst, nausea, pulling/stretching sensations in my lower abdomen, cramping, sore bbs, the works. They started to dissipate some on 6dp5dt and yesterday, they were even less. I woke up at 1am (don't even ask why), and I realized my one very consistent symptom - sore bbs - are much much reduced. They're not nearly as sore as they had been.
I know symptoms do come and go, but this is ridiculous. I am 8dp5dt. Shouldn't my symptoms be worsening and not disappearing???? I just dread the worst - my natural progesterone is going down (how that is possible with all this Endometrin I don't even know) and AF is on her way.
Honestly, this is the first time I've actually considered that this cycle might fail. I don't know what to do or how I am even going to cope. I mean, what more can we do? We're at the best clinic in the world, we've spent 3 weeks of our time in Colorado, we've paid a ton of money, this is our 3rd IVF cycle (not even mentioning the canceled one in there), and we have VIABLE embryos in my uterus! My stupid fecking body can't even pull together one BFP with all of these things????? I am only 29 years old. How is this possible? This is the first time I've really considered that I might not ever carry a baby. DH and I agreed that we would waste no more viable embryos on my body if I don't get pregnant this time. We will use a GC if we can figure out the finances for it. I won't ever be pregnant. I will be lucky to even ever have a baby. I just seriously can't believe this is my life. I am in total shock and despair. I don't think it has all hit me yet. I am trying to think of some possible solution how I could still pull out a BFP as I sit here typing this, but I can't think of any solution.
No, POASing is not an option. My DH is very anti-POAS. I tried to convince him last night, and he wouldn't cave. I don't blame him. He probably wants to put off the train wreck that is coming his (and my) way.
Please tell me someone else has seen this happen and gotten a BFP. I know it's probably a long shot and hasn't ever happened, but please tell me it did somehow. Tell me someone else had tons of symptoms 8-11dpo and then most of them subsided and were all but gone, but they still got pregnant? Please?
Sorry again for the drama of this post. I know it probably doesn't seem huge to others - I haven't seen blood, I haven't gotten an official BFN, but it feels like my body is telling me bad news right now.