Success after IF
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Please help me :(

Girls.......

I just don't know what I am going to do. I am sitting here wide awake. I just am in such fear this cycle is a BFN. I know this is going to sound a bit dramatic, but my symptoms are just not here like they used to be. From days 3dp5dt-6dp5dt, I have very strong symptoms. I had extreme thirst, nausea, pulling/stretching sensations in my lower abdomen, cramping, sore bbs, the works. They started to dissipate some on 6dp5dt and yesterday, they were even less. I woke up at 1am (don't even ask why), and I realized my one very consistent symptom - sore bbs - are much much reduced. They're not nearly as sore as they had been.

I know symptoms do come and go, but this is ridiculous. I am 8dp5dt. Shouldn't my symptoms be worsening and not disappearing???? I just dread the worst - my natural progesterone is going down (how that is possible with all this Endometrin I don't even know) and AF is on her way.

Honestly, this is the first time I've actually considered that this cycle might fail. I don't know what to do or how I am even going to cope. I mean, what more can we do? We're at the best clinic in the world, we've spent 3 weeks of our time in Colorado, we've paid a ton of money, this is our 3rd IVF cycle (not even mentioning the canceled one in there), and we have VIABLE embryos in my uterus! My stupid fecking body can't even pull together one BFP with all of these things????? I am only 29 years old. How is this possible? This is the first time I've really considered that I might not ever carry a baby. DH and I agreed that we would waste no more viable embryos on my body if I don't get pregnant this time. We will use a GC if we can figure out the finances for it. I won't ever be pregnant. I will be lucky to even ever have a baby. I just seriously can't believe this is my life. I am in total shock and despair. I don't think it has all hit me yet. I am trying to think of some possible solution how I could still pull out a BFP as I sit here typing this, but I can't think of any solution.

No, POASing is not an option. My DH is very anti-POAS. I tried to convince him last night, and he wouldn't cave. I don't blame him. He probably wants to put off the train wreck that is coming his (and my) way.

Please tell me someone else has seen this happen and gotten a BFP. I know it's probably a long shot and hasn't ever happened, but please tell me it did somehow. Tell me someone else had tons of symptoms 8-11dpo and then most of them subsided and were all but gone, but they still got pregnant? Please?

Sorry again for the drama of this post. I know it probably doesn't seem huge to others - I haven't seen blood, I haven't gotten an official BFN, but it feels like my body is telling me bad news right now.

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Re: Please help me :(

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    I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, and you're not being overdramatic at all. Going through IVF, especially after it has failed before is very trying. I hate when I can't sleep because my mind won't shut off. Sad

    I really didn't have many symptoms with my BFP, but I have heard many, many people say symptoms can come and go early on. Please don't count yourself out and think about all the what ifs. There is a very good chance that you are in fact pregnant right now, and you just have to (try to) be positive until your beta. I know that is easier said than done, but worrying will not change the outcome so what good can it do? And you are in the hands of some of the best doctors in the nation, so trust them.

    All that said, I know that the worst part of IF (for me anyway) was not knowing if it would ever happen. That is so scary! It is a very real fear, but please don't go there until you know how this cycle turns out. You have so many people pulling for you on SAIF and TTTC, and you have to stay hopeful until your beta. Focus on those little embies growing inside you and the day will be here soon. (((BIG HUGS)))

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    Okay, first...take a deep deep breathe and try to calm down.  Easier said than done, I know.

    What helped me get through (I didn't get a BFP till 18dpo...that's right 18 dpo, I was going insane and thought it was a BFN for sure), was thinking I was still in the running until I saw blood.  Never count yourself out till AF shows her ugly, stinking, vicious head!

    Next, forget the symptoms!!  There are a ton of women, and they've all had various experiences with symptoms.  Some have had symptoms from the very minute sperm met egg (or embryo met uterus), some had symptoms that came and then left, some never got any symptoms at all. 

    Third, I am a huge advocate of POAS.  I started testing at something like 4dpo on my BFP cycle.  For some odd reason, it made me feel good.   I made me feel a little more in control.  I knew that testing at 4dpo, there was no way I was getting a BFP...but POAS gave me some sort of control over my situation.  Strange, I know...but it helped. It was an itch I couldn't NOT scratch...

    Again...breathing helps...I swear it does.  So does chocolate ice cream at 2AM....

    breathe...ice cream...rinse and repeat...

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    The night before I got my BFP with the successful one that brought us DS I had complete doubt that it hadn't worked. I was so upset. I could have written a post very similar.

    My symptoms came and went up until I was about 10 weeks.

     Crossing my fingers that this is IT for you!!

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    All of my symptoms were gone by 6dp3dt.  I was so convinced I wasn't pregnant I went on a strenuous bike ride the day before my beta.  The only thing I had was being thirsty and very crabby (associated this with PMS!!) and I kept thinking AF was coming any minute.

    I didn't test early.  I wanted to just avoid that whole negative thing until my beta day.

    Hang in there honey.  We are all praying for you.

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    I just have a second to respond...but I wanted to say, for my first IVF, I was 100% sure it worked. Had TONS of symptoms. Tons. What happened? Chemical pregnancy.

     For my 2nd. I was POSITIVE it failed. Not one.. not one symptom at all. I did anything BUT rest after the transfer as there was WW3 drama in my family. What happened?

    Triplets. 

     HANG IN THERE!

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    I didn't do IVF...  but I was sure my cycle failed as well.  My symptoms (what little I had) definitely fluctuated.  VERY common for symptoms to come and go.  I hate the stress that IF gives.  Please, as hard as it is... try to take a deep breath and relax.  I'm sorry your stressin.  (((HUGS))) 
    Dx: PCOS/Amenorrhea/Anovulatory/lining problems. Clomid = BFN's. Lots of cancelled cycles due to thin lining or cysts. IUI#1= Follistim, estrace and endometrin = BFN IUI#2= Repronex, follistim, viagra suppositories and endometrin= BFN. IUI#3= Repronex, follistim, viagra suppositories, femtrace and endometrin= BFP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Isabella born in June via C-section!!!!! She is so incredible! Went back to RE to TTC#2 and got a WONDERFUL surprise!! Baby #2 on their way!! My Beautiful son Liam born Feb, 2011!! Lilypie image Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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    I am so sorry that you are going through this rollercoaster of emotions.  It is so hard...  When do you go for your beta?

    I only had about 20 minutes of symptoms with my BFP that led me to believe I might have a positive.  The rest of the time I was 100% sure that my IVF did not work.  I did POAS b/c I am horribly impatient and cannot wait to find things out, however.  

    When I was a bit further along I did get symptoms but they would always come and go (and always stressing me out...).

    Good luck, I will be crossing my fingers for you.  The emotional toll that IVF and IF takes is enormous; you are not being dramatic by worrying about any of this.  My thoughts are with you! 

    Nothing to see here....
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    So sorry you're going through this.  I remember feeling a lot of the same feelings waiting to test with DD. 

    With DS I don't think I felt any symptoms at all.  We had started with my RE only a couple weeks prior and I was already looking forward to the next cycle.  At 11 dpo I had already given up and we had our IVF consult.  I definitely had no clue that the next day I'd get my bfp.  With DD we did IVF and I had lots of symptoms, but it could have just been the PIO shots.  I tested at 6dp5dt and I got a bfp so I didn't really pay attention to symptoms after that, I was paying more attention to how dark the lines on the hpts were, lol.  But I do remember being dizzy before I tested and not after, so that symptom did go away.

    Symptoms will come and go, including m/s when you're a little further along.  Hopefully in just a few hours you're symptoms will be back so you can relax a little more.  But if not, no worries, it's totally normal at this point to have absolutely no symptoms at all.  Also, with doing IVF and all your body is on so many hormones that the symptoms that you felt before may be more drug related. 

    Wishing you the best of luck this cycle.  I've been thinking about you.  I'm praying that this is it for you guys.  ((hugs)) 

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    Hang in there sweetie.  I had no real what so ever and I was pregnant with 3.  Everything was exactly the same as it was for the cycles that I got my bfns.  I know it is hard to stay strong for so long after all the emotional and financial investment you have put into this, but just remember that you put back 2 beautiful blasts.  GL - I will be thinking and praying for you.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    2 chem preg, 4 failed IUIs, 2 canc IVFs, 2 BFN IVFs, IVF #5 = BFP!!!
    3/23 Beta #1 @ 17dpo = 913, Beta #2 @ 19dpo = 1724, Beta #3 @ 21 dpo = 3240
    First u/s 3/29 @ 5 weeks 2 days - 3 sacs 6 weeks 3 days - 3 heartbeats 8 Weeks - Lost Baby C, Babies A and B going strong
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    Hang in there!  I didn't do IVF and I got a BFP at 12DPO.  I was convinced the cycle didn't work and wrote off all my symptoms to the Endometrin.  Once I got a BFP though...my symptoms came and went.  Except the MS.  That one, unfortunately, stuck around.  And while I don't have any advice to help pass the time...I just wanted to wish you luck. 
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    I'm so sorry you are going through this.  I was following your story on TTTC.  I know you waited so long for this cycle to get here.  Until AF shows up there's always hope.  I don't have any stories for you, I just wanted to tell you that I'm thinking good thoughts for you and hope that cycle is your BFP cycle.
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    CBLCBL member

    My symptoms came and went, even that early on.  I had them and then they were totally gone.  I POAS only because DH was leaving on business and I didn't want to be alone when I got the bad news. 

    Also, my P4 was all over the place.  FETs are harder to regulate because you have absolutely no progesterone production of your own.  I think my P4 dropped and shot up about 4 or 5 times in total.  I ended up being on PIO until 13 weeks and then weaning off of sups. 

    I don't think any of that counts you out.  But I do think you need to try to relax as much as possible.  No amount of worrying now or pre-grieving, so-to-speak, is going to make the possibility of a BFN hurt less.  I know it's something we all have a tendancy to do, as though preparing ourselves for the worst is going to insulate us from the full pain. 

    Try to keep busy for the next few days and I hope to hear good news soon.

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    I am so sorry that you are dealing with this.  IF is so unfair and it just breaks the hearts of those who deal with it.  You know you can always turn to us because we have all been there - that is what I love about these boards.  I just wanted to tell you that I had zero symptoms with my BFP.  ZERO.  I really didn't have anything but exhaustion during the first trimester.  I was also convinced that cycle was a bust for me.  So, it can happen.  I know it's hard to not go with your gut (that is telling you BFN), but you have to have faith.  I believe you and DH are meant to be parents and it will happen.

    Hang in there.  (((big hugs)))

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    I remember very well being in that really dark place where you just can't believe it could happen to you.  And that was with THIS pregnancy...all my symptoms were gone, the line on the HPT was getting lighter every day and I just knew that another m/c was coming. And here I am about to give birth in a few days.

    I know that you know this in your head, but symptoms come and go--particularly early pg symptoms. They are erratic and unpredictable. You'll feel good one day and lousy the next. It's perfectly normal. Sometimes we think we know our bodies so very well--especially those of us who have been doing this for a really long time--but sometimes they trick us.

    Hang in there--I have a really strong feeling that you will be getting good news very soon!  We are all pulling for you!!!!!!

     

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    I could have written this last October -except I never really recognized any symptoms at all. I was sure it was going to be a bfn as I felt the same ( or even less ) symptoms as every other cycle. In retrospect I recognized that I had been very thirsty and constipated but otherwise I felt nothing. You are still in this and everyone on here is pulling for you. Hang in there!!
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    *hugs* Just wanted to add that I had absolutely no symptoms when I got my BFP. I did not do IVF, but our injects/TI cycle was cancelled, and since it was cancelled, I didn't believe I could possibly be pg. I literally POAS just so I could call my RE to ask why AF was late.
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    With my first pregnancy that ended in m/c, I had some symptoms -- I was emotional and hungry.  This pregnancy, I had no symptoms at all despite being on progesterone and I KNEW it was going to be a BFN since I had symptoms the first time I was pg.  But I was wrong -- here I am 24 weeks pregnant.  The moral of the story is of course that symptoms really mean nothing!!  Hang in there -- I really hope this is it for you -- good luck!
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    My symptoms came and went too - and around 10dp5dt my symptoms disappeared - no more cramping, no sore bbs, etc.  I think it's just your body adjusting to the high level of meds that you are on, and it says NOTHING negative about your embies.  You're soooooo close - hang in there! Thinking nothing but good thoughts for you!!
    image
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    I am a runner, knitter, scientist, DE-IVF veteran, and stage III colon cancer survivor.
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    Oh, I am sorry you are stressing, IF sucks, my symptoms also came and went, try not to make this more stressful for yourself, I know it's hard. ((HUGS)) to you........

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    It's totally normal for you to feel this way. I, too, was 100% positive that our cycle had failed. (We didn't do IVF, it was Clomid with trigger shot). I was even calling my doctor's office to see how much an IUI costs so that we could give that a try next time. I suppose I did have a few symptoms (thirst and heavy-feeling bb') but I ignored them because I just knew that I wasn't pregnant. In fact, I even did the same thing as you and wrote a long and sad post over on TTTC. I tested at 10 dpo (stupid, I know) and BFN. I tested at 13 dpo and God answered my prayers. Staring right back at me was the word 'Pregnant'.

    As hard as it seems, please try to remain positive. It WILL happen for you. If it doesn't have this cycle (although fingers crossed that it will!), it will happen eventually. You'll see.

    TTC#1=Feb 2009: 50 mg Clomid+Ovidrel shot+Metformin+Dexamethasone+TI=BFP!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    TTC#2=July 2011: Surprise BFP: Chemical Pregnancy
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    Boy, I wish I would've seen this earlier today at some point.  I feel like such a bad nestie.

    There is no way I could go through all that you have been through with the IVFs.  I admire every single lady who has been through those cycles, and remember how much of an inspiration you are!

    On the cycle that I finally got my BFP, I felt lower and worse and less optimistic than I had on any other cycle.  I felt depressed, and found myself chocking it all up to another lost cycle, another "step in the process."  I did have sore bbs from the day of my IUI until about 7 dpiui.  Then, nothing.  No feelings at all.  By 10 dpo, I had AF cramping, and in my heart, I just knew that the cycle was over.  On 11dpo, I got my first ever (in my entire life) BFP on a FR.  I had felt so hopeless before I saw that line.  We were reaching the end of our IF road, and I already had myself prepared to adopt and move on....and there it was...my little BFP.

    There is still hope.  In fact, there is TONS of HOPE!!!  Symptoms don't seem to mean a thing half the time...some people get them, and some get nothing.  Attitude and disposition don't even mean anything--some people are positive they're pg just to get a BFN, and some are positive they're not pg just to get a BFP.  I don't think there's really anything we can do but to hang on and hold out for the best.

    Not POASing is absolutely the best thing you can do.  You will feel better waiting for that beta.  I wish you all the best.  Absolutely all the best.  And I have my fingers crossed for a very successful beta!  I want to see you over on this side of the boards!

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