3rd Trimester

Twilight Sex Toy... this is going to far!

Some Monday morning entertainment here.

 Don't open at work!

https://www.buzzfeed.com/akdobbins/twilight-dildo

The latest ridiculous Twilight product? A sparkly dildo.  From: https://www.avclub.com/articles/the-latest-ridiculous-twilight-product-a-sparkly-d,31972/

Because the world just didn't have enough hilarious attempts to cash in on the Twilight phenomenon yet, a California sex-toy company has taken the obvious next step by introducing, yes seriously, a Twilight-themed dildo. "The Vamp" is a realistic-looking silicone ***, but "with a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the new moon's glow." (That oh-so-subtle attempt to evoke Twilight without using the world "Twilight" continues through the product copy, in increasingly pointless ways: "Don't let this eclipse pass into the breaking dawn, place your order today.") And yes, of course it does have that authentic Twi-vamp touch: It sparkles in sunlight.


Never mind that the whole point of the books is the girl not *** the vampire for hundreds upon hundreds of angsty pages. Tantus Inc. (motto, available on a T-shirt: "Make dildos, not war!") knows what Twilight readers really want: To skip to the series climax (so to speak) and get it on with something sparkly and rigid that doesn't have a pulse. The order page even notes that "The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience." Unfortunately, the "authentic experience" would actually include a lot of glowering, threats of murder, and offhanded put-downs of the user.

Maybe the next one can come with a voice-chip that plays pre-recorded discouraging messages like "You're just like food to me, you stupid lamb" and "You're so clumsy and useless, it's a wonder you can even get this thing where it's supposed to go." First, though, Tantus should put out a fur-covered dildo for Team Jacob fans. Because no Twilight pandering is too much Twilight pandering. 

Re: Twilight Sex Toy... this is going to far!

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