I don't mean to be a ***, but...

kt12883

Does DH have to stay out drinking til 2 AM both nights EVERY weekend?

I go to parties with him, but I can stay out only til about 10/10:30 than I am exhausted or our friends are getting to the point where they are too drunk for me to handle them... So DH will usually come home with a friend. We aren't in college any more and haven't been for some time. 2 AM in my opinion is LATE to be still out, especially if you have a pregnant wife at home. and its fine if its one night a month or once every couple of weeks, but this is 2 nights in a row...

 

frustrated... tired... what do i do?

OkieDokie88

you wait until he is sober and then have a serious discussion with him about his drinking problem. seriously, getting drunk every firday and sat is a serious drinking problem, IMO. and that is coming from someone who used to have a serious drinking problem. it sounds like your DH is a boardering on alcoholism, if not already an alocholic. sorry if that seems brutal, but i had a serious problem a while back and it started with getting drunk every friday, then every firday and a few drinks on sat, and before long i was having a few drinks every night and blacking out on the weekends.

 

OkieDokie88

.......................

kt12883

I really hope that second response was sarcasm. If not you are an extremely rude person. I am looking for any advice and i appreciate your opinon on the first one, but I dont appreciate the a**hole response if the second one wasnt sarcasm.

OkieDokie88

it was, i'm sorry, i was about to delete it actually. sorry, i feel like sh!t today and i just took it out on you. i really am sorry, i didnt mean it at all. i just get annoyed sometimes when people post things that are serious issues and then don't respond when you try to help. in my foul mood and feeling horrible i took the sarcastic tone too far, i appologize

cma1989

Mine stayed out til almost 3 last night. I was FUMING. I can't speak for your situation, but I know there is no alchoholism problem in my relationship, just a 25 year old guy that knows he won't be able to do that in a few months and is getting it out of his system. Was I still pissed tho?yeah. And probably slightly jealous because I can't seem to stay up past 10 most nights.

?Hope it works out ?

kt12883

I appreciate the apology and i wasnt looking for sympathy i guess i "phrased" my first post wrong. I was mainly putting feelers out to see if anyone elses husband is staying out too late and how they handled it... perhaps those women solved their problem and are sleeping happily right now.

I  will have to talk to him tomorrow about it. i just thought once you (as a couple) become pregnant it was implied that you dont stay out that late. i guess i was wrong...

he's walking in the door now.

 

well... good night! hope you have a better day tomorrow!

kt12883

cma1989:

Mine stayed out til almost 3 last night. I was FUMING. I can't speak for your situation, but I know there is no alchoholism problem in my relationship, just a 25 year old guy that knows he won't be able to do that in a few months and is getting it out of his system. Was I still pissed tho?yeah. And probably slightly jealous because I can't seem to stay up past 10 most nights.

 Hope it works out  

 

Thanks! This is exactly how i felt a couple weeks ago "He's just getting it out of his system..." and I probably am a little jealous because LO was a surprise and I didnt get to "get it out of my system". It also doesn't help that we are the first ones on all of our friends to have a baby so everyone still goes out and drinks heavily every weekend. (Which is surprising because DH and I are the youngest ones out of our group and we are 26) I guess I thought everyone grew out of the heavy drinking phase, but I guess that only comes when you have other more important responsibilities...

Now I am wide awake and he is sound asleep... great...

I guess I always forget that he has no idea how i am feeling unless I tell him. I should never expect him to read my thoughts and what I assume is socially acceptable and "normal" may not be to him, or maybe what i thougth was "obvious" like spending time with your pregnant wife is more important than your drinking buddies. So tomorrow I will have to tell him my side of the situation.

Hopefully I will be tired soon............. good night everyone.....

jkylie

Guess a couple of responses were edited .....

However, I can't imagine that drinking on friday and saturday constitutes as an alcoholic. The weekend is a time to unwind for many. Not knowing your situation, but assuming that this has just started happening and hasn't been happening for MONTHS....I would think now is the time to talk about it. I would have a talk, let him know it bothers you and lay down what you expect from him. I would assume that if you have good relationship he will understand and respect your feeling.

Again, staying out late drinking every now and then can't hurt as long as he is being safe.

GL with this.

jmrussell03

My DH goes out at least 2 nights a week because he is on a pool team. Sometimes he goes out after, sometimes he comes home. On the weekends, he sometimes goes out til 3. I really have a hard time being mad at him though, because he has been on disability for 9 months and those are the only chances he gets to socialize with anyone but me. Plus, if I could, I would be with him! I am just too tired. Plus, what fun is it for him to be at home watching me sleep!

But, I can totally see where you are coming from! It is very frustrating and lonely being at home. Just tell him (sober)  how you feel in a non-threatening way. He probably doesn't realize it bothers you. 

 I don't think your DH has a drinking problem. He is probably just taking advantage of these last few months without children. If it continues AFTER LO is here, then you might need to reel him in.

LovinTim912

I'm not sure if drinking only on the weekends makes someone an "alcoholic" but it can absolutely lead to it. ?Two years ago, DH went through the SAME EXACT THING.... mind you, we weren't married (but engaged) and still living separately (with no thoughts of baby). ?But he would go out EVERY NIGHT- either with me, or after I went home for the night. ?He has a strong background of alcoholism in his family, and after a while, he recognized that this was getting out of control and he completely quit drinking. ?Maybe this was a little extreme of him, but he hasn't had a drink-not even a sip-for just about 2 years. ?(I don't drink either, as I am diabetic and any drinks that I enjoy-mainly the fruity ones-severely destroy my numbers. Plus you really are not supposed to mix alcohol & the meds I was on pre-pregnancy. So we make a good pair.) ?We both actually enjoyed a glass of non-alcoholic wine at the toast at our wedding.

Anyway, talk to DH and let him know you are concerned of what this may turn into. If not the alcoholism, you need to let him know to respect you- you who are home alone, basically growing his child, while he is out partying like a college kid. ?

And I will be honest here- DH went through this a few weeks ago too- he would go out with his friends on his nights off after I went to sleep (he would tell me of course)-- we discussed it, and I basically told him to get it out of his system NOW because when baby comes, those nights of going out are gone. ?He did it a few times, and then that was it.

GL and don't be afraid to talk to him.?

mrsjami

I think you're both just young and he hasn't gotten it 'out of his system' yet. At 26 I was still partying it up so I'm sure this is going to be a big adjustment for you both. Once the baby comes I'm sure he'll settle down. 

jhenry1204

When I first got pregnant, my husband did the same.  Between the morning sickness, being tired all the time, and just plain miserable, I didn't have time nor patience to deal with his drunk ass.  Finally I sat him down and explained to him what I was going through and how much I was giving up to have this baby.  It took a LONG LONG time to get him to understand.  And even though he still doesn't fully understand, he's been trying.  He has stopped drinking as much, probably about three times a month (we used to drink and hang out at least four nights a week) and even stopped smoking cigs.  He's a man, he doesn't get it.  He doesn't understand.  You have to talk to him in a way that he will understand, and hopefully he will man up to it.  It didn't happen overnight, it took a lot of talking and a lot of finding something different to do other than partying or drinking.

 

RiverRaat

I don't mean to be a ***** but, I didnt get pregnant alone, so I am not going to sit at home alone while he goes out to have fun..just sayin

XXLAURAF

Before getting pregnant my husband and I went almost every Sat and Sun drinking and we r not or were not alcoholics...Since I am pregnant we have only went to a bar once in the first few weeks he drank and I explained that I didn't want to go to bars anymore bc I cant drink and I get bored especially since he would want to stay for more than a little while..so we decided that we will not go out to bars and if he wants a drink on the weekends he can drink at home or when we go out for dinner..it had worked for 15 weeks now so...he knows better than to think I am gonna sit home while he goes out drinking with friends...def nooo or he can get lost..lol...we have an agreement we planned our baby and he knew what he was getting himself into..

XXLAURAF

also I don't understand what they think they have to get out of their system that is stupid..you should be saving money now instead of wasting it in bars and on nonsense..when the baby comes you can both go out together once in a while and have drinks yourselves or with friends..just because you are having a baby does not mean your life is over socially...what goes on?? My parents live like 7 minutes away and are ecstatic about the baby..they will def watch the baby once in a while on a saturday so we can go out and enjoy each other still

jenny1980

No one should be getting **smashed** every weekend. Binge drinking isn't healthy, baby or not. I would definitely have a serious chat with your husband.

Luv-a-Bug

Mine really hasn't gotten smashed since I got Preg, but he does go out occasionally without me to bars with friends/co-workers.  Sure sometimes it bothers me if he does it a lot, and I tell him so, but I figure he does need a little "him time" once in awhile too to blow off steam.

Wake_Life

I'd be having a serious talk with DH. I agree with you, once a month or once every few weeks is one thing and even that would get old for me. He needs to realize he's not a kid anymore. I'd be heated if I were you but getting upset and yelling with only make the situation worse so just try to calmly talk to him. I'd be concerned he will think this is acceptable once the baby comes. Not Cool.

jordans_wife

i know how you feel! me and dh have always been into going out and socializing and drinking on the weekends. we would often go out both friday night and sat night. then i got a job where i have to be up at 5am on weekends and obviously my partying was curtailed. then add me getting pregnant and i began to find his still going out unacceptable. it has been an issue but we have pretty much worked it out now. the truth is that he's not 21 anymore and we are adults so he simply cannot go out 2 nights every weekend. and p.s. that does not make someone an alcoholic! so now he gets to go out occasionally to the bar without me. 2 or 3 times a month. but not more. i am not unreasonable enough to expect him to have to stop just because i do- but within moderation! and another thing to look at is if the situation was turned around- would he approve of you going out without him every weekend? i seriously think not!

cdngirl82

My DH doesn't go out to the bar a lot, but on his days off, he'll drink at home.

He's really cut back after I told him that if he ever had to drive me to the emergency in the middle of the night, he'd be totally screwed, and I'd have to call my parents, explaining to them why DH couldn't drive me.