Georgia Babies

Advice on MIL visit after baby comes....

My MIL is coming for 2 whole weeks to stay with us from out of town after the baby comes. 2 weeks is a long time....

Any of you experienced girls have advice for how to deal? DH is going to be working, so it will be just me and MIL. What are we going to do? We're not super close, so I don't know if I feel comfortable asking her to do a bunch around the house. Should I just get over it and tell her when I need her to do something?

DH seems to think she's just coming to "visit her grandson and help take care of him" but my concern is that I need to be the one learning to take care of him. Really what I need her for is to cook and clean and help out with that type stuff....

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Re: Advice on MIL visit after baby comes....

  • Ask your DH to talk to her.... she should be there to take care of YOU so you can take care of the baby.  Things like cooking, cleaning, and shopping would be really helpful...and she could take an afternoon shift with the baby so you can get in a nap!  I also pumped so I didn't have to do the morning feeding and I could sleep in.

    Good luck! 

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  • I would have your husband talk to her and tell her that you aren't supposed to be doing cleaning and that type of stuff the first few weeks, that you need to heal, and ask if she could help out.
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  • you're brave to let her stay at your house. i told dh mil could absolutely NOT stay at our house b/c then I would have to worry about being dressed in the middle of the night in case I ran into her. luckily, she offered to stay in a hotel, and i told dh he had to stay home that week so he could mediate.
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  • I agree with PP's.   Ask DH to talk to her about what is going to be most helpful when she comes.   

    All the books we read about preparing for baby, someone needs to write a manual for grandparents.    What to do and not do.  What to say and not say.   What has changed in the 30+ years since they raised children.   How not to say, "When I raised my children...." 

  • Just to warn you:  In-Laws become wacko once you pop out a grandchild.  All the niceness disappears :)  My MIL was awful right after Alec was born and I wish I never would have let her come.  She did not help, got in the way and expected me to wait on her hand and food.

    If she is definitely coming, you need to give her a list of things to do. She should be expected to cook, feed and bathe baby as well as do laundry. It's not your job to take care of her.

    Also, I had a really hard time trying to BF with my in-laws in the house.  I was not comfortable at all.  Something to keep in mind

    Good luck and if you can have her only stay a short period of time. 2 weeks is a long time.

  • That is what scares me! I'm afraid she's going to be in my face all the time, while I'm trying to breastfeed, etc. To top it all off, she isn't going to have a car! She's flying in and it would "cost too much" for her to rent a car.

    She already has the plane ticket. I'm a little annoyed that she didn't bother to call and ASK us when a good time for her to come would be. The way she is scheduled to come, the baby will only be 1-2 weeks old!

    Guess I will have to tell DH to make sure he handles her and sets everything straight from the beginning. She is notorious for being a slob and I am neat freak, so I hope she can keep it together while she's there...

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  • My MIL came for a week and it sucked. I did however force her to help. She cooked and cleaned and I took care of the baby. The 1st night they arrived (she and her 93 yr old mother) I found my husband and I making them dinner and I FLIPPED out on my dh. I think she heard us and towed the line from there. I made sure I gave her plenty to do. I even sent her out on errands. Loan her your car just to get her out of the house for a bit. I am sorry 2 weeks is a ridiculously long time.
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  • Get your DH to talk to her and set some very specific ground rules about what she is expecting to do. LIke the PP said, you will be half dressed most of the time and will have a child attached to you the other half. Get her to commit to cooking dinner every night or cleaning or running errands. Also, tell her she must rent a car. My MIL and BIL came after DS was born and declined to rent a car and I sent my DH with them back to get one. For 2 weeks, its just too long for her to be completely  dependent on you. Can you see if she can stay at your house for 1 week and then get a hotel for another week? Also, I would tell my DH that he is going to be taking some more time off and has to be around more.
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  • I soooo feel your pain....my MIL is coming for 2 weeks and I honestly have never spent more than a few hours at one time in her presence! (She resides in another country)

     Best of Luck to both of us!!!   Wink

     

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