Anyone with experience fostering/adopting 4 year olds?
I recently became an auntie to 4.5 year old and 2 year old siblings. I won't go into details but both birth parents, who are extended family members, died unexpectedly and the children are now under the guardianship of my sister and her husband. Anyway, the children are delightful, but it's been quite a challenge for my sister (who has been ttc for 5 years). I'm concerned about my sister's parenting strategies - her and her husband are rigid about schedules and let the children CIO, they employ "time outs" frequently, etc. I also want to help my daughter, who had been the only grand-daughter, niece, ets. adjust to sharing the attention of grandma and the other relatives and embrace her new cousins rather than feel jealous of them. What kind of resources are available? Is attachment disorder something I should make my sister aware of?
Thanks
Re: Anyone with experience fostering/adopting 4 year olds?
I am sorry to hear about your family's loss. My heart goes out to those poor children.
I would assume that all the children in therapy to help process their grief? And that your sister is also having a strong support network and possibly a therapist to help her with this transition? I'm sure that becoming an "accidental mommy" is particularly challenging and stressful after the better part of a decade struggling with IF. She may be grieving the loss of her own birth child even harder now.
As for your daughter - try to take the kids together on special "cousin" outings. Get your daughter to help with the little ones; toddlers can melt anyone's heart.
GL!
Sorry for your family's loss. I know its hard situation to be in.
I don't think there's anything wrong with schedules and time outs when it is needed. While they might be acting out because they're in a new home, they will still portray "age appropriate" behaviors and require the age appropriate discipline - which IMO is time out. How your sister chooses to take care of the children is her choice if they are in her house, except if there's abuse going on. These children may or may not be use to it, but they, meaning your sister/DH and the children, will all fall into a routine and get comfortable with each other.
The children are obviously going to have some type of attachment issues with their parents dying, however, that doesn't mean they will have a permanent attachment disorder. If they are going from one loving home to another, they're just going to be an adjustment period, but no need to seek out information about attachment disorders just yet. They are very complicated and normally only in neglect and abuse cases (statistically).
This. I think children like structure if done with love - we have even had my 8 y/o stepdaughter tell my H that she likes the schedules, rules, planned activities at our house even though we are definitely more strict than her mom. (Not to put down her mom - just different personalities, parenting styles, ways of running our homes, etc).
I think esp in their situation, where they are either grieving their parents' loss, trying to understand death, or wondering when Mommy and Daddy are coming back - having something controlled that they can count on, is going to be comforting.
Thank you for your help.