cousin's shower

sydney0928

need some advice... more understanding i guess

my cousin is due about 2 weeks after i would have been. her shower is coming up in a couple weeks. i had originally still planned to go, as i feel like i could handle it and i thought it would be nice to be around my family. but her mom and my mom are being total bitches about it. her mom said she wasn't going to send me an invitation. fine. then she did, but basically said she didn't think i should come. then my mom sends me an email this morning saying she doesn't think i should come because it will make everyone uncomforable. WTF? is that really what i should have to worry about right now? i can't attempt to get back to normal and be happy for my cousin and participate in a family event? UGH.

BAM_2780

I'm in a similar situation.  My SIL is due 6 weeks after I was.  I've been wondering about her shower myself.  I think you are very strong for wanting to go your cousin's shower.  I'm sorry the mom's are being difficult.  I'm not sure I have any advice, but I sympathize with you!  I hope things do get back to normal for you.  You are in my thoughts.

Tapsalteerie

I think that if you want to go, you should go.  This a decision you need to make and not them.  Obviously you feel as if it will help you by being around family.  Why would your mother and your cousin's mom impede on that?

People will just have to deal with being uncomfortable and realize that this isn't something that is just going to go away.  This is exactly why women feel like they are unable to discuss their grief with others.  Because others shoot them down because THEY don't want to be caught in an awkward situation.  It drives me crazy.

sunnymel

That is seriously messed up!! I can't even begin to list all the things I find wrong with that. I say go if you want, and if people are uncomfortable, then that's their problem. I don't know what your relationship is like with your mom, but if it's pretty open, I would straight up tell her that is BS. 

Sorry, I tried to tone done my reply, but I just really think that's a boatload of crap. As if you haven't been through enough?!?

Hugs to you  
Mel

Tapsalteerie

I just realized my reply sounds very angry.  Which it was written in anger, but I didn't want you to think I was angry with you.

I'm sorry that you have people in your life that are being very insensitive to your situation.  (((Hugs)))

sunnymel

Tapsalteerie:

I just realized my reply sounds very angry.  Which it was written in anger, but I didn't want you to think I was angry with you.

Ditto for me-  hearing this made me angry too. Ttelling you not to come is totally selfish IMO. I understand that for the other guests, and even your cousin, they probably will/do feel uncomfortable. BUT why is that your problem? Did you choose this? Should you go on like it didn't happen or just completely avoid seeing people because they don't know what to say? That's totally absurd!! Personally, I think that it shows amazing strength on your part to being open to going and celebrating your cousin's baby.

I hope your family realizes that they are being insensitive as the pp mentioned, so sorry for this added frustation for you.

Mel 

sydney0928

THANK YOU! those are my thoughts exactly. i am so relieved that i'm not being a crazy freak in feeling this way. this is a whole new weird reality for me, and i know no one knows what to do/ say/ how to act around me... but maybe they'll learn from this too.

vkbaby09

Tapsalteerie:

I think that if you want to go, you should go.  This a decision you need to make and not them.  Obviously you feel as if it will help you by being around family.  Why would your mother and your cousin's mom impede on that?

People will just have to deal with being uncomfortable and realize that this isn't something that is just going to go away.  This is exactly why women feel like they are unable to discuss their grief with others.  Because others shoot them down because THEY don't want to be caught in an awkward situation.  It drives me crazy.

This exactly!!  It makes me really mad and sad for you that your mom and aunt(?) are being like that!  I know for me at least, every time I talk about my babies or my experience I feel a little more healed or a little better.  I just shared this with my aunt, who was surprised and said that she was sorry b/c she was telling everyone in my family to not say anything to me! 

I would say or write to your mom and aunt that what they're saying is hurting you.  That it will be better for you to go to the shower and face the situation head-on.  That though it might be a little awkward, the shower can still be really nice if everyone would just calm down.  That you're not out to ruin your cousin's shower.  (((((((big hugs)))))))))) 

smileychic10986

Honestly, I think that is ridiculous that they would tell you it may be better for you not to be there!  Who cares if it makes someone uncomfortable???  That is not your problem.  I say you go if you want to go.  I think it's really good that you would feel up to going, and supporting your cousin as she welcomes her baby.  It's not fair of them to tell you otherwise.  I'm sorry you are dealing with people who don't know how to act or what to say to you    It's really sad.  Let us know what you decide to do.