My 13 year old sister is dating an 18 yr old!

tina623

My mom called me and said that I need to talk to my sister.  I'm 1100 miles away and if she's rebelling as much as my mom says she is, she isn't going to listen to anything I have to say. 

I told my mom that she could not let the relationship continue and she said that she has too much other stuff going on (that's my mom, always worried about herself) and that this is just too much. 

Heres the backstory, My mom and my sister moved in with this guy.  He owns a really crappy house. My mom told my sister that her job was to clean and wash dishes.  She started rebelling.  My sisters dad (she is the only one with a different father) is living in another state with his wife and two kids, so he basically has no time for her.  She liked the school she was attending and the church she was a member at.  Then my moms boyfriend threw her out.  My mom and sister are now living with my 20 yr old sister and her soon to be deployed husband but my sister lives in a different town so my sister has to attend a different school and it's harder for her to attend her church. 

My mom found a text on her phone this morning that says "Hey Baby, Have a great day at school.  Call me when you get a chance."  He's 18! 

My mom said my sister is withdrawn.  I told her that I think it's time for her to take my sister to therapy.  My mom has had so many "dads" for my sister and all of them have left, my mom basically pawns her off everytime she can and it's just awful. 

Sorry this is long but I have no idea how to intervene over the phone and I don't want to make it worse. 

madhatter2003

She's looking for love from a male figure....in the wrong place.  I have no idea how to help unless you have some stable male person that can sort of help her self esteem. But it sounds much deeper than a 1 phone call fix.

pamela-matt

I agree that therapy is desperately needed.

One route would be to see if the cops could get involved???  Is there a sexual relationship involved b/c that would be illegal 

TakYelgif

madhatter2003:

She's looking for love from a male figure....in the wrong place.  I have no idea how to help unless you have some stable male person that can sort of help her self esteem. But it sounds much deeper than a 1 phone call fix.

This and I feel I should point out that if your sister becomes sexually active with her BF he could be charged and convicted for statutory rape. 

soccerwife

madhatter2003:

She's looking for love from a male figure....in the wrong place.? I have no idea how to help unless you have some stable male person that can sort of help her self esteem. But it sounds much deeper than a 1 phone call fix.

agreed. Good luck.?

gabbeyh

I would agree, get the authorities involved.  She needs help.  I'm sorry you are supposed to handle this from 1100 miles away.

lckytabby3

This may be a lot to ask of you but would she consider moving in with you. Sounds like she needs a more stable home.  

My best friend had to take in her little sis and it made a big difference.  

If your only option is the phone I wouldn't pass judgement on her, I think that will only push her away.  Maybe find out what she likes in the guy and see what they are doing.   Become a friend not a second mom on the phone.

Good luck.

tina623

lckytabby3:

This may be a lot to ask of you but would she consider moving in with you. Sounds like she needs a more stable home.  

My best friend had to take in her little sis and it made a big difference.  

.

Good luck.

I've been begging Dh for this for years. He refuses and even more so that we have the girls.  He says that there isn't any room for her (which is true, our place is so small) but I've always felt like I could make it work.  He won't change his mind . 

 

sara1014

lckytabby3:

If your only option is the phone I wouldn't pass judgement on her, I think that will only push her away.  Maybe find out what she likes in the guy and see what they are doing.   Become a friend not a second mom on the phone.

I agree with this completely.  I teach 8th graders (so they're around the same age) and many of them would become very resentful at someone trying to become a second mom to them.  Then she'd be rebelling against you too.