xpost: suggestions for "im the statistic" video

happydragon

I have been blessed with the opportunity to be part of a Pregnancy Loss Video. My wedding videographer's wife suffered through multiple losses and he has asked that we do an interview on video...sort of a "I am the statistic" type of thing telling my story and experience. I mentioned to him that it bothered me that losses are so common yet never talked about during a meeting once...and that I worried about the women who felt guilt and/or internalized all their emotions/thoughts over their loss because it is not something that is openly talked about and he came up with this idea.

While I feel honored that I am getting this chance I also feel a ton of pressure to say the right things and make the right points. What would you focus on?

 this is cross posted...and I just realized (thanks to a poster) that I am going to start with what I would have liked for someone to say to me but Im still curious about other suggestions.

babygirlpriest

Maybe I'm alone in feeling this way but I think it's important to say, "I'm the statistic, my experience may be common but it is not mundane."

It's a hard balance. There MUST be an increased awareness of just how many losses are experienced in this country, of the support groups available, etc. The lonliness I feel is physically painful.

However, when I read books and articles about how incredibly common m/c is, it almost feels like I'm being told, "Seriously! This happens to everyone! Buck up and get over it already. This happens ALL the time. Deal with it!"

Of course this is probably just me being overly sensitive, but when my friends react with, "But now you know you can get pregnant! That's great news." or "So are you guys gonna just adopt now?" I feel that my pain and mourning is not valid in their eyes.

I hope that makes sense. I'm still too all over the place to be terribly articulate.

PS - I admire you so much for being that brave. I wish I had the strength to do something like that.

dnagal

Sounds like a great project.  If i were to give advice to someone else, I would likely discuss MY feelings about MY experience and what I learned from it.  Probably the most important point is about blame-that pregnancy loss does not happen because Mom had a cup of coffee, or got her hair colored, or rearranged the furniture. 

happydragon

You ARE that brave and you ARE doing it!

I dont really think of it as being brave. I honestly am not 100% sure what angle he is going to take it in but i also am not 100% concerned. Sometimes I feel like so many women are looking for someone to relate to that the video could be a shot of my face and me saying that i had a loss and that would be enough. Millions of people would instantly know what emotions I had emoted...or at least have a slight clue. Its the thought of women internalizing it and feeling alone that makes me want to go HEY I am here, this happened to me too. You are not alone buddy.