WWYD: my parents vs. ILs

sarahjared

We made plans in June to take DD to the zoo in October with my parents because my mom's work has a day where we can all get in free.  My dad has been without a job for close to a year so by doing this my parents feel like they get to "treat" DD to something.  My mom always talks about how it wasn't supposed to be like this and she should be able to spoil her grandchildren (nevermind that "things" don't matter in the long run but I understand where she is coming from).  Earlier this month my ILs asked if we had anything going on that weekend.  They want to come visit then because they get an extra day off work that week (they live several states away and fly here).  DH told them that he needed to make sure he wasn't going to have to work that weekend.  That was the last I heard.  I talked to DH about the zoo issue and how all of us going together wouldn't work.  He agreed (His dad teaches science so EVERYTHING has to be explained in great detail.  I don't have the attention span for it much less anyone else).  I thought DH would try to get them to come another weekend.  I asked him tonight about it and he said they are coming that weekend.  WTF?  I asked when this was decided and he said "the last time I talked to my mom".  When the hell was that and where was I?  It drives me nuts that he never thinks to tell me anything and I always tell him everything (more than he probably wants to know).  I asked him what we were going to do about the zoo and he just shrugged his shoulders.  Again, WTF?!  I don't know what to do so that no one has hurt feelings or pitches a fit.  This was the ONE thing my parents wanted to do (they have been real down lately due to my dad's unemployment).  What pisses me off is that my ILs have money and they can come another weekend.  I would say that we could just go another weekend but neither my parents or I have the money for that.  Damn DH.  He will probably leave this for me and not do anything.  A**!  Thanks for the vent.  Any suggestions on what to do would be great.

goodheartedmommy

Call your ILs personally and explain the situation. I bet they'll understand.

EMT

Ugh, that sucks!  The only thing I could see possible working would be for him to call his parents and tell them he forgot about some plans you had.  He could ask if they could come another weekend.  Is there plane tickets involved and stuff like that.

That is obnoxious and sounds like something my DH would do.

Kersbear

I'm sorry.  What about you and DD going with your parents to the zoo for the day/afternoon and let DH have some time alone with his parents during that time?  That way it's still special time with your parents and since DH decided without you to still okay his parents coming he can entertain them during that time doing something else.

sarahjared

I would totally love DH to have to spend time alone with his parents.  Only problem would be them not being with DD 24/7.  Did I mention these people drive me insane?

Kersbear

I would call them then and let the know that you have plans that DH forgot about and if they would like to spend that day with DH that's fine, but DD will be with you.  If that doesn't work for them then let them know they'll have to reschedule for another weekend because you can't change your plans.

jen5-03

Kersbear:

I would call them then and let the know that you have plans that DH forgot about and if they would like to spend that day with DH that's fine, but DD will be with you.  If that doesn't work for them then let them know they'll have to reschedule for another weekend because you can't change your plans.

This. Except make DH make the call and he needs to do it in front of you so he doesn't make it into your fault that he double booked the weekend.

sweetie1528

EMT:

Ugh, that sucks!  The only thing I could see possible working would be for him to call his parents and tell them he forgot about some plans you had.  He could ask if they could come another weekend.  Is there plane tickets involved and stuff like that.

That is obnoxious and sounds like something my DH would do.

this exactly!

gibs

tell your inlaws to go sightseeing and to lunch for a few hours while you go to the zoo with your parents.  Why is this hard?

Alibabs

jen5/03:

Kersbear:

I would call them then and let the know that you have plans that DH forgot about and if they would like to spend that day with DH that's fine, but DD will be with you.  If that doesn't work for them then let them know they'll have to reschedule for another weekend because you can't change your plans.

This. Except make DH make the call and he needs to do it in front of you so he doesn't make it into your fault that he double booked the weekend.

This.........

Alibabs

gibs:

tell your inlaws to go sightseeing and to lunch for a few hours while you go to the zoo with your parents.  Why is this hard?

............Or this.

 

Good luck!

hopefulmom

I do not agree with auntie.  You already had plans with your parents so that "trumps" any plans your IL's would like to make.  There are going to be other 3-day week-ends (Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Years/etc).  It doesn't matter that your parents live closer or not...this is something already planned.  Besides the free tickets are not going to come again until next year...if ever.  The zoo in my area is a lot more than $35 for 4 adults and a toddler.  This is something your parents have been looking forward to for a long time (according to your post). 

I would not leave it to you DH to call his parents back.  Obviously he is a wuss.  I would make the call and just let them know that your DH forgot that plans had already been made with your parents and things are already "in motion".  If they have already purchased plane tickets then they could still come and DH would have to stay home from the zoo and entertain them while you go to the zoo with your DC and parents.  IL's might not be able to see your DC but if they have 3 days then they've got 2 other days to see her 24/7.  It's not your inlaws fault...it is your DH's.

Zenya

you parents made their plans first.  your DH needs to cancel with his parents or let them know that your DD will not be around on whatever day.

shopgirl78

I agree with Kersbear.  

lilpiglet

you already had plans with your parents, i would make DH cancel with his parents, there is no reason why they just can't come another weekend.  I would totaly be kicking DH rear for doing something like that!!! If i was in your situation there is no way i would be canceling with my parents!  If DH doesn't want to cancel with his, then i would just take DC and go to the zoo with my parents and let DH deal with his.. tough cookies if his parents dont get to see their grandchild 24/7, they can thank their son for that!  If you cancel on your parent, you'll crush them... I say let them have the "special" trip to the zoo and bite the ILS...

happy_momma

Your parents made plans first so that should be the priority.  If it were us, I'd tell DH he either had to call his parents and reschedule the trip, or he had to explain to them that they were not going to see DD that day because she and I already had plans...I would definitely not be rushing through the zoo trip to get back home so they could see DD.