Getting ready for Number 2

bridalbells

my 3 year old daughter is so strong willed, it puts me to shame.  for example, if she don't get her way, she hits me, bites, kicks, punches, and if we would tell her to go to the bathroom, she would put up the big fight, and slam the ddor in my face.

Also, we have her wearing underwear, and no diapers or pull-ups.  Normally, she is good with these, however when she don't get her way, or get too caught up in an activity, she would sit there and pee her panties and it would soak through the clothes. ( and i would like to have her in school )

 and as far as correction goes, she does not listen to me at all, she only listens to her father.  She thinks im nothing to her, and she listens to the other parent, and when i put my foot down, she walks over me.

Now that i have my newborn baby coming real soon, I am hoping that her behavior can change for the better.

 I need advice on how to handle this gently and properly without disciplining her, and taking away toys, and smacking her butt.  AN cries and cries when i don't give into what she wants.

Thanks

roseroseroseroserose

What do you mean "without disciplining her?"  Discipline means "teach."

I like Love and Logic Magic.  There are great books out there.

ecoppins

I'm not sure what your?aversion?to?discipline?is or where it is coming from.?Discipline?is a form of teaching, regardless, children need?boundaries and reinforcement. I would suggest reading a couple books on the topic and watch a couple episodes of super nanny for inspiration.

However, I wouldn't let crying control what you do with your dd. If you give in when she cries, she is always going to cry when she doesn't get her way. Don't give in, let her cry.??You are going to have to repeat over and over and over your rules, your expectations for her behavior and the consequences for her inappropriate behavior if it persists. ?Repetition?and reinforcement are your friends.

You don't need to resort to spanking, or negative punishments. Try the AP board for more ideas. I am by no means a super mom or particularly experienced.?

kada626

I don't understand how you want to correct her behavior without disciplining her?

If it were my kid, I would try spending more one on one time with her on her level. I would use time-outs. Like if she kicks give her a warning & if she continues put her in timeout. I think the key is to be consistant with it. I don't think timeout is the worse punishment in the world-it just gets the point across. Since she is 3, I would do 3 mins. If she gets out of timeout & does the behavior again right away-put her back in. If she fights it, too bad, keep strong. I think she may cry & cry because she knows you will give in.  

I would praise her for good behavior & maybe even use a reward...like new stickers or doing something special with her like going to the park. Good luck. I hope you find a way to make things better.

 

ilovemygirls

See my response to post above re: discipline books- I recommend 1-2-3 Magic.  There is also a DVD set that goes along with that which you could likely get from a local library. 

MrsAmers

If crying gets her what she wants she's going to keep crying.  If she never has toys taken away or any other kind of discipline, she's going to keep misbehaving.  Corporal punishment isn't necessary if that is something that you're opposed to in order to establish discipline and boundaries.  But is is VERY important to establish boundaries for toddlers.  They spend their lives testing them and they need to know that there are boundaries.

In our house, a thrown toy gets taken away for the rest of the day.  Any physical misbehavior (hitting, slapping, biting) results in a timeout.  Throwing food or utensils gets ones warning, and if it happens again the meal is over (even if she's barely eaten).  If she grunts, whines or cries instead of using words to tell us what she wants we politely ask her to use her words.  If she doesn't, we ignore her until she uses words nicely.

If she's crying because she doesn't want to do a regular daily activity (naptime, diaper change, brushing teeth, changing clothes, etc) I ignore the crying and continue with the activity.  If she physically won't let me continue we do a short timeout.

When my infant started at daycare my Toddler's behavior regressed and she started testing boundaries that were established 6-9 months ago.  We tried to "talk" her through the boundaries, but that wasn't sufficient.  A week of timeouts and ignoring her crying/tantrums and she is pretty much back to her challenging but more civil 2 1/2 year old self.

These are the approaches that work for us.  Your child may vary.    Good luck!

jenuine

I second Love and Logic Magic as well as Happiest Toddler on the Block. They both have DVDs if you don't have the time to read the books.

I hate to say this, but having a little sibling may make things worse. That is what I have seen in my circle of friends anyway. If it's not corrected soon, it just gets worse. A friend's 8 year old is just awful to be around.

I'd start working on it right away before the new LO comes. If she listens to your DH, have him talk and work with her about respecting you. Talk with your pedi and, if you have one, day care provider. 3 years old is not too young for therapy either. I hope I don't sound like gloom and doom - I just hope you take it very seriously. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Good luck.